I am so excited to tell you that I am finally finished with surgeries!!
I had my appointment with Dr. Semple yesterday and he is ecstatic with my results...more importantly, I am very happy with the results!! He removed my bandages and I am healing really well! The incision looks good with no infection and I can now shower!! Yay!! I am unable to shower during the recovery....don't worry, I'm not stinky gross! LOL I do sponge bath everyday but let me tell you, I am so looking forward to standing in a nice hot shower!!
Since Christmas is almost here, I took my special team a little something to show how much I appreciate them. If you remember my first post after surgery I mentioned that Dr. Semple missed his Christmas tea to do my surgery. I got him a box pack of tea and some yummy chocolates. He got quite the chuckle out of that gift! I told him I owed him some tea!! LOL Nurse Helen wasn't there yesterday so I left my gift for her with the secretary (Leslie). It's all just a little something to show them how much I appreciate the care that they have given me.
I will see Dr. Semple in 6 months and I have to contact Leslie after the holidays to make an appointment for a referral to the tattooing doctor! Next up....nipples!!
I would like to wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year! Please stay positive, stay strong and continue to pray for all those faced with this terrible disease. As well, please pray for all those who may struggle this Christmas.
Love and warm wishes from the Bowen Family!! xo
Wednesday, 23 December 2015
Friday, 18 December 2015
Post Surgery!!
It's been a rough couple of days! I've had a lot of pain and discomfort since surgery but I am starting to feel better.
We arrived for my surgery at 9:30am on Tuesday morning, registered and changed into my lovely hospital attire and then sat and waited for almost 2.5 hours before getting called in with the nurse. Dr. Semple saw me first and marked me up for surgery. An announcement came on while he was doing his marking, reminding all staff that there was a Christmas Tea starting at noon. He asked if I wanted to go to the tea before surgery...a joke of course because I wasn't allowed to eat anything since midnight the night before...a cruel joke at that! LOL After meeting with Dr. Semple, I met with the anesthesiologist and my nurse. My anesthesiologist made the joke that my chart was quite large and that I should take up residence at the hospital! I chuckled and said that this would be my final surgery and I would gladly leave my room open for someone else. After meeting my team, I sat for another 1/2 hour before being taken into the surgery room.
It doesn't matter how many times you go in for surgery, you seem to always be a basket of nerves...or at least I am! They laid me on the surgery table and prepared me for the most wonderful sleep...that's about all I look forward to...the sleep is the best sleep EVER!! Before being totally knocked out I made a few jokes about waking up rich and with Dolly Parton Boobies...the entire team laughed and were amazed by my ability to joke while being poked and prepped...my way of calming myself. But like always, I had Dr. Semple hold my hand until the anesthesiologist had my IV in and the drugs started to drip...in fact, I fell asleep holding his hand. He's my hero!
Two and a half hours later I was taken into the recovery room and remembered why I was so nervous before surgery...because I knew what the pain was going to be like. My abdomen burned, my chest ached and my body felt like it was hit by a Mac truck. They gave me several shots of morphine to help manage the pain. After about an hour, they took me to the second recovery room where Jason was able to come in and see me. It's always nice to wake up and see his handsome face and listen to his wise cracks! He told my best friend Cara that I would be up doing the jig in no time!! He praised me for being the trooper that I am and just tried to take my mind off the pain.
Dr. Semple came in to see me and said that the surgery went very well! He said that they sat me up during surgery to make sure that everything was level and in proportion. Both of us cracked a few jokes about going for Christmas Tea...but I was quite content with the good drugs he was giving me. I'm blessed to have such a great doctor! Dr. Semple is so caring and makes me feel like he views me as one of his family. He is always concerned, always holds my hand and pats my head...all things that shows he cares.
So far, from what I can see, I am happy with the results. I am still quite swollen, bruised up and bandaged up so it's hard to see too much. I see Dr. Semple on Tuesday to remove the bandages and see how well I am healing.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for all those suffering with this terrible disease. May their journey be a road of reflection, healing and blessings.
We arrived for my surgery at 9:30am on Tuesday morning, registered and changed into my lovely hospital attire and then sat and waited for almost 2.5 hours before getting called in with the nurse. Dr. Semple saw me first and marked me up for surgery. An announcement came on while he was doing his marking, reminding all staff that there was a Christmas Tea starting at noon. He asked if I wanted to go to the tea before surgery...a joke of course because I wasn't allowed to eat anything since midnight the night before...a cruel joke at that! LOL After meeting with Dr. Semple, I met with the anesthesiologist and my nurse. My anesthesiologist made the joke that my chart was quite large and that I should take up residence at the hospital! I chuckled and said that this would be my final surgery and I would gladly leave my room open for someone else. After meeting my team, I sat for another 1/2 hour before being taken into the surgery room.
It doesn't matter how many times you go in for surgery, you seem to always be a basket of nerves...or at least I am! They laid me on the surgery table and prepared me for the most wonderful sleep...that's about all I look forward to...the sleep is the best sleep EVER!! Before being totally knocked out I made a few jokes about waking up rich and with Dolly Parton Boobies...the entire team laughed and were amazed by my ability to joke while being poked and prepped...my way of calming myself. But like always, I had Dr. Semple hold my hand until the anesthesiologist had my IV in and the drugs started to drip...in fact, I fell asleep holding his hand. He's my hero!
Two and a half hours later I was taken into the recovery room and remembered why I was so nervous before surgery...because I knew what the pain was going to be like. My abdomen burned, my chest ached and my body felt like it was hit by a Mac truck. They gave me several shots of morphine to help manage the pain. After about an hour, they took me to the second recovery room where Jason was able to come in and see me. It's always nice to wake up and see his handsome face and listen to his wise cracks! He told my best friend Cara that I would be up doing the jig in no time!! He praised me for being the trooper that I am and just tried to take my mind off the pain.
Dr. Semple came in to see me and said that the surgery went very well! He said that they sat me up during surgery to make sure that everything was level and in proportion. Both of us cracked a few jokes about going for Christmas Tea...but I was quite content with the good drugs he was giving me. I'm blessed to have such a great doctor! Dr. Semple is so caring and makes me feel like he views me as one of his family. He is always concerned, always holds my hand and pats my head...all things that shows he cares.
So far, from what I can see, I am happy with the results. I am still quite swollen, bruised up and bandaged up so it's hard to see too much. I see Dr. Semple on Tuesday to remove the bandages and see how well I am healing.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for all those suffering with this terrible disease. May their journey be a road of reflection, healing and blessings.
Sunday, 29 November 2015
...Another Surgery For Me!
****WARNING PICTURES****
Wow!! I can't believe I haven't posted anything since April! So much has happened since then!
We sold our house and moved into our rental property...which pretty much took up our whole summer! We moved to Georgetown in August and the boys started at their new school. They took a little bit to adjust to the new house and new school but they seem to be doing really well now. They are making lots of new friends and have joined indoor soccer. We are going to be moving again in March 2016. We are having a new home built and it will be finished the beginning of March. We are all very excited to get into the new house!
As most of you know, I had my "final" surgery in April. This surgery was to replace my expanders with the implants. If you recall, I wasn't overly happy with my radiated side. I felt that it was lower than my left side and just overall, an odd shape.
I finally met with Dr. Semple on October 28 (six months after my surgery). I first met with one of the residents and she had a look at my implants. I was happy that she agreed with me regarding the results. She echoed my concerns and said that she felt they could fix it but that Dr. Semple would have to check them over and give his opinion. When Dr. Semple came in he agreed that my radiated breast was a different shape than my left, a lot lower than my left and appeared to be a bit bigger. After much discussion and consultation with other residents, we decided to do another surgery.
Dr. Semple said that he felt I would be really happy with what he plans to do. He said that "if it was a matter of tweeking" he wouldn't touch it but he felt that I would see at least a 20% difference if not more. He scheduled my surgery for December 15. During this surgery he is planning to do another fat transfer, release some skin in the breast area, exchange the implant for a different size and shape, and put in some internal stitches to help hold the implant in place. Sounds like a lot but it is what he needs to do to make this surgery a success. The surgery will take approximately 2.5 hours.
Below are recent photos of my results and you can see that the radiated implant is much lower than the left side and that it appears to be bigger as well. I am just grateful that Dr. Semple and I are on the same page!
Be positive, be strong and have faith!
Wow!! I can't believe I haven't posted anything since April! So much has happened since then!
We sold our house and moved into our rental property...which pretty much took up our whole summer! We moved to Georgetown in August and the boys started at their new school. They took a little bit to adjust to the new house and new school but they seem to be doing really well now. They are making lots of new friends and have joined indoor soccer. We are going to be moving again in March 2016. We are having a new home built and it will be finished the beginning of March. We are all very excited to get into the new house!
As most of you know, I had my "final" surgery in April. This surgery was to replace my expanders with the implants. If you recall, I wasn't overly happy with my radiated side. I felt that it was lower than my left side and just overall, an odd shape.
I finally met with Dr. Semple on October 28 (six months after my surgery). I first met with one of the residents and she had a look at my implants. I was happy that she agreed with me regarding the results. She echoed my concerns and said that she felt they could fix it but that Dr. Semple would have to check them over and give his opinion. When Dr. Semple came in he agreed that my radiated breast was a different shape than my left, a lot lower than my left and appeared to be a bit bigger. After much discussion and consultation with other residents, we decided to do another surgery.
Dr. Semple said that he felt I would be really happy with what he plans to do. He said that "if it was a matter of tweeking" he wouldn't touch it but he felt that I would see at least a 20% difference if not more. He scheduled my surgery for December 15. During this surgery he is planning to do another fat transfer, release some skin in the breast area, exchange the implant for a different size and shape, and put in some internal stitches to help hold the implant in place. Sounds like a lot but it is what he needs to do to make this surgery a success. The surgery will take approximately 2.5 hours.
Below are recent photos of my results and you can see that the radiated implant is much lower than the left side and that it appears to be bigger as well. I am just grateful that Dr. Semple and I are on the same page!
Be positive, be strong and have faith!
Monday, 13 April 2015
Every Day Is Better!
It's been a few days and I figured enough time has passed for me to give a second opinion on my results.
A couple of things....first, I am noticing a little difference when the swelling subsides and feel that I could get used to what I have. Second, my radiated side is the side that I am most concerned about. My implant appears to be, for lack of a better word, a lump on my chest. I feel that there is minimal contour shape and that it appears to be sitting low. Which leads me to my next concern...I am not sure if you all remember in the beginning of my reconstruction process, I mentioned that the surgeon may have to use Alloderm (donated skin) to make a "hammock" to hold the implant. When I had my surgery in August to put in the expanders, Dr. Semple felt that my skin and muscle were both in great condition and could accommodate the expander/implant without using the Alloderm. At the time, I was relieved that I wouldn't need it because the recovery time is a lot longer and there might be a possibility of rejection. Now that the implant is in, it appears to be lower than the left side and I am hoping that this is not a result of not using the Alloderm. Just something else to think about.
I've had a rough week. I seem to be getting back to myself, which sometimes I think is a curse because everyone expects too much from you when they see you are doing so well. Jason admitted that last night. He forgets that I had surgery less than a week ago because I am able to do things for myself. He's such a great guy...cute, funny and is always trying to make me laugh. Back to my week...I know this is too much information but I have been severely constipated all week from the drugs. I have been taking Colace, Restoralax, Prune Juice, drinking loads of water and even tried a quick walk around the block with Jason and had no relief. Finally, on Saturday night before bed, I took Senokot and got relief yesterday. Now today, I am feeling bloated and constipated again...ugh, narcotics and surgery just take a terrible toll on your body...but unfortunately, they go hand in hand! From now on, I will make sure that I start Colace at least two days before surgery. This has been the worst experience with this, so far.
My in laws are here once again, to help me with the kids and meals. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. They have always, without hesitation, planned to come for all of my surgeries and treatments. They spent two weeks with me after my initial surgery (until we all had to fly home for Mom's funeral), they spent a month with us during my final treatments, they spent a month with us after my expander surgery and now they are here for another three weeks. I know they are retired (my mother in law is just newly retired) but to take the time out of their lives to help me out, really shows their awesome character. They have been a part of my life for over 25 years and I call them Mom and Dad....because that's what they are to me....like my second set of parents! Can't imagine doing any of this without their love, support and encouragement!
Next entry, I will post pictures. I just need to be comfortable with my new tatas before showing people. ;)
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!
A couple of things....first, I am noticing a little difference when the swelling subsides and feel that I could get used to what I have. Second, my radiated side is the side that I am most concerned about. My implant appears to be, for lack of a better word, a lump on my chest. I feel that there is minimal contour shape and that it appears to be sitting low. Which leads me to my next concern...I am not sure if you all remember in the beginning of my reconstruction process, I mentioned that the surgeon may have to use Alloderm (donated skin) to make a "hammock" to hold the implant. When I had my surgery in August to put in the expanders, Dr. Semple felt that my skin and muscle were both in great condition and could accommodate the expander/implant without using the Alloderm. At the time, I was relieved that I wouldn't need it because the recovery time is a lot longer and there might be a possibility of rejection. Now that the implant is in, it appears to be lower than the left side and I am hoping that this is not a result of not using the Alloderm. Just something else to think about.
I've had a rough week. I seem to be getting back to myself, which sometimes I think is a curse because everyone expects too much from you when they see you are doing so well. Jason admitted that last night. He forgets that I had surgery less than a week ago because I am able to do things for myself. He's such a great guy...cute, funny and is always trying to make me laugh. Back to my week...I know this is too much information but I have been severely constipated all week from the drugs. I have been taking Colace, Restoralax, Prune Juice, drinking loads of water and even tried a quick walk around the block with Jason and had no relief. Finally, on Saturday night before bed, I took Senokot and got relief yesterday. Now today, I am feeling bloated and constipated again...ugh, narcotics and surgery just take a terrible toll on your body...but unfortunately, they go hand in hand! From now on, I will make sure that I start Colace at least two days before surgery. This has been the worst experience with this, so far.
My in laws are here once again, to help me with the kids and meals. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. They have always, without hesitation, planned to come for all of my surgeries and treatments. They spent two weeks with me after my initial surgery (until we all had to fly home for Mom's funeral), they spent a month with us during my final treatments, they spent a month with us after my expander surgery and now they are here for another three weeks. I know they are retired (my mother in law is just newly retired) but to take the time out of their lives to help me out, really shows their awesome character. They have been a part of my life for over 25 years and I call them Mom and Dad....because that's what they are to me....like my second set of parents! Can't imagine doing any of this without their love, support and encouragement!
Next entry, I will post pictures. I just need to be comfortable with my new tatas before showing people. ;)
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!
Friday, 10 April 2015
The Day I've Been Waiting For!
Well, April 7th has come and gone and I was the first on the surgery docket!
We had to be at the hospital for 6:30am for registration. So, Jason and I were up early and on the road by 5:15am. We were anticipating traffic and closures due to construction. Downtown Toronto is a nightmare with closures all over the place and with so many one way streets, we figured we would likely get lost if we ran into any areas that we don't normally travel. We arrived at the hospital around 5:55am and had to wait 5 minutes for the parking garage doors to open. Jason didn't fall asleep on me this time so we chatted about our recent trip to Cuba. We were obviously trying to take our minds off the surgery! Which wasn't working...at least it wasn't for me. I was a nervous wreck!!
We went to the 8th floor and registered. I was taken in to be accessed and prepped for surgery. At that point, I had to say goodbye to Jason and leave him to go back to the truck to get some sleep and wait for the nurse to call him when I was in the recovery room. Dr. Semple met me after I changed into my gown and got my dose of Tylenol. He took me back to the "mark up" room and had three interns with him. He discussed my case with them and asked me if I had any questions. I told him that I just wanted to make sure I got my stripper boobs and he laughed....I was serious!! Anyway, he marked me up with cleavage, areas where he would do some skin release and where he wanted my breasts to fall. After seeing him, my nerves seemed to disappear until the anesthesiologist came in to discuss what she would be doing. Once I was taken into the surgery room, I was introduced to my team...Cecilia, Andrea, Dr. Trap, Dr. Armstrong and two others (I didn't catch their names). The Anesthesiologist took my hand and quickly found my vein. Dr. Semple quickly took my other hand and held it tight while rubbing my arm and forehead, to calm me down. He spoke in such a soft, relaxing tone which helped a lot. All I remember him saying was "here comes your Pina Colada!" I have to say...that is the best sleep EVER!!!
I was so worried about the final results of the surgery...all I could think about was "would I be happy with the final results?" I felt like I had so many questions to ask and no time to find the answers. I knew that I was happy with the size of my expanders but what if my implants were totally different from them. I knew that they would be different to some degree but I didn't really know how I would look. The doctors have always told me to have realistic expectations and I have tried to keep an open mind and realistic view of my progress. I thought I was doing well with that part of the process therefore, when I had my surgery, I figured they would look like my expanders...or close to it.
I am now three days post op and I am finding it difficult to "like" my implants. It may sound selfish to a lot of you but until you walk a day in my shoes, you truly can't know the disappointing feeling of looking down and seeing something that you weren't expecting. I know that I am swollen, I know that I have some bandages, I know that I am only three days out, and I know that they will need to settle but what I see is nothing near what my expanders were. This makes it really hard for me to keep that realistic outlook. I know I should be happy that I have wonderful doctors that were able to give me "the appearance" of a female body but I am a bit disappointed in the results. I shouldn't be really thinking this way because so many factors have to determine what the final product will look like. I just feel like my breasts were taken from me due to cancer, then I slowly got them back again and felt comfortable in my own skin and now they are "changed" again. I don't mean for this to be a downer blog but I always said I would write my true feelings and this is how I am feeling now. Not to say that next week I will be fully estatic with my implants, but at this moment, I am not overly happy with them. I know that Dr. Semple would be very disappointed to hear me say that because we had such a great relationship and I was always so open as to what I wanted. In fact, this is no reflection on Dr. Semples work or team. It is solely my own feelings...and like I said, I may have a totally different view when the swelling has gone down, bandages are off and I get rid of some of the surgery bloat.
I will continue to update over the next few days. I believe I told you all before that I have volunteered to be part of a study so I was sent home with a smart phone and asked to complete a survey daily and take pictures of my incisions. Once I do that, I sync my phone with the hospital server and Dr. Semple has all my information on his computer immediately. It's quite a technological advancement! Crazy...in a way! So, I will not have a follow up with Dr. Semple until the end of April, unless he sees something he isn't happy with.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!
We had to be at the hospital for 6:30am for registration. So, Jason and I were up early and on the road by 5:15am. We were anticipating traffic and closures due to construction. Downtown Toronto is a nightmare with closures all over the place and with so many one way streets, we figured we would likely get lost if we ran into any areas that we don't normally travel. We arrived at the hospital around 5:55am and had to wait 5 minutes for the parking garage doors to open. Jason didn't fall asleep on me this time so we chatted about our recent trip to Cuba. We were obviously trying to take our minds off the surgery! Which wasn't working...at least it wasn't for me. I was a nervous wreck!!
We went to the 8th floor and registered. I was taken in to be accessed and prepped for surgery. At that point, I had to say goodbye to Jason and leave him to go back to the truck to get some sleep and wait for the nurse to call him when I was in the recovery room. Dr. Semple met me after I changed into my gown and got my dose of Tylenol. He took me back to the "mark up" room and had three interns with him. He discussed my case with them and asked me if I had any questions. I told him that I just wanted to make sure I got my stripper boobs and he laughed....I was serious!! Anyway, he marked me up with cleavage, areas where he would do some skin release and where he wanted my breasts to fall. After seeing him, my nerves seemed to disappear until the anesthesiologist came in to discuss what she would be doing. Once I was taken into the surgery room, I was introduced to my team...Cecilia, Andrea, Dr. Trap, Dr. Armstrong and two others (I didn't catch their names). The Anesthesiologist took my hand and quickly found my vein. Dr. Semple quickly took my other hand and held it tight while rubbing my arm and forehead, to calm me down. He spoke in such a soft, relaxing tone which helped a lot. All I remember him saying was "here comes your Pina Colada!" I have to say...that is the best sleep EVER!!!
I was so worried about the final results of the surgery...all I could think about was "would I be happy with the final results?" I felt like I had so many questions to ask and no time to find the answers. I knew that I was happy with the size of my expanders but what if my implants were totally different from them. I knew that they would be different to some degree but I didn't really know how I would look. The doctors have always told me to have realistic expectations and I have tried to keep an open mind and realistic view of my progress. I thought I was doing well with that part of the process therefore, when I had my surgery, I figured they would look like my expanders...or close to it.
I am now three days post op and I am finding it difficult to "like" my implants. It may sound selfish to a lot of you but until you walk a day in my shoes, you truly can't know the disappointing feeling of looking down and seeing something that you weren't expecting. I know that I am swollen, I know that I have some bandages, I know that I am only three days out, and I know that they will need to settle but what I see is nothing near what my expanders were. This makes it really hard for me to keep that realistic outlook. I know I should be happy that I have wonderful doctors that were able to give me "the appearance" of a female body but I am a bit disappointed in the results. I shouldn't be really thinking this way because so many factors have to determine what the final product will look like. I just feel like my breasts were taken from me due to cancer, then I slowly got them back again and felt comfortable in my own skin and now they are "changed" again. I don't mean for this to be a downer blog but I always said I would write my true feelings and this is how I am feeling now. Not to say that next week I will be fully estatic with my implants, but at this moment, I am not overly happy with them. I know that Dr. Semple would be very disappointed to hear me say that because we had such a great relationship and I was always so open as to what I wanted. In fact, this is no reflection on Dr. Semples work or team. It is solely my own feelings...and like I said, I may have a totally different view when the swelling has gone down, bandages are off and I get rid of some of the surgery bloat.
I will continue to update over the next few days. I believe I told you all before that I have volunteered to be part of a study so I was sent home with a smart phone and asked to complete a survey daily and take pictures of my incisions. Once I do that, I sync my phone with the hospital server and Dr. Semple has all my information on his computer immediately. It's quite a technological advancement! Crazy...in a way! So, I will not have a follow up with Dr. Semple until the end of April, unless he sees something he isn't happy with.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!
Thursday, 19 February 2015
The Final Fill!!
***WARNING PICTURES***
It's the final countdown...dun, na, na, na!!
Yesterday I had my special chariot waiting for me at my front door! Miss Vera picked me up for my appointment with Dr. Semple. We had a lovely adventure downtown! Thank you Miss Vera...love you to bits!! This journey is coming to an end and I can certainly see the light! It's shining bright and full of wonderful things!
We arrived for my 12:45pm appointment a little early but it took a bit of time to register. The hospital just put in a new computer system and they needed to ask me my life story! It's a long story...full of ups and downs! ;) Miss Vera and I had a little bit of time to sit and chat, which was nice. Then I was called in for my appointment. I knew going into this one, that it might be my last but I never prepared myself for how I would feel when I was told that.
Dr. Semple came in to see me with his team. Dr. Coyte, his intern and Dr. Katie, his research assistant. Dr. Semple is an amazing doctor who is constantly trying to make health care easier for patients. He is always lending his experience and advice to research projects and he asked me to be part of this next study, which I immediately obliged!! Anything to help someone else going through this journey!! Dr. Katie would explain the study to me and have me sign a consent form. But before we get to that, you need to know about my appointment with Dr. Semple!
He had a look at my chest and told me that everything looks awesome! He answered all of my questions...would I have cleavage? My breast bone or Sternum is quite wide so it will be hard to get a lot of cleavage but with a good bra, I will be able to get a little. Also, when I have my surgery, Dr. Semple will release some of the skin around my Sternum which will possibly add some contouring. Nipple reconstruction...will I do it during this surgery or wait? Well, he doesn't recommend me having nipple reconstruction because patients who went through radiation, they typically have complications on the radiated side when nipple reconstruction is attempted. So, I opt not to do this procedure. Dr. Semple is going to send me to "the best" tattoo artist who will tattoo a 3D nipple on each breast. I teased with him that I didn't want to be sent down some back ally for this...he kept the joke going for a bit! Such a funny guy! What about the blood vessels on my radiated breast...can we get rid of them? I can see someone that will do laser on the area but once again, because of the radiation damage, the laser might damage my skin more so he suggestions that I don't get that done. He did say that over time, the benefits from the fat transfer could eliminate some of the blood vessels. How do the implants compare in size to the expanders? Well, typically they are very similar and can be a bit bigger or smaller. He will order three different sizes of implants and during surgery, will test the implants to see which one will give me the most natural results. Typically, he tends to go bigger, if he can. Recovery time?....two to three weeks. Surgery timing....a month after last fill.
Once I was finished chatting with Dr. Semple and he approved me for one last fill, Helen came in to check me over. She decided that she was going to fill both sides. She was able to get 50cc's in both sides but both sides "burped" fluid out when she removed the needle. Therefore, it has been decided that yesterday was my last fill!! I have a total of 465cc's on the right (radiated) side and 505cc's on the left side. I can't even begin to tell you how overwhelmed I felt when they said I was finished. I actually teared up!! I am going to miss my team! They have been so supportive, compassionate, and understanding during this entire process. They have made me feel like I am a patient and not a number....no, that I am a friend and not a patient....know what I mean?
So, my surgery is scheduled for April 7th. They will do the exchange and I will be sent home the same day, as usual.
As for the study, Dr. Katie explained to me that it is a new patient study that will require the patient to take home a smart phone after surgery and will have direct contact with Dr. Semple. On a daily basis, for the first two weeks after surgery, you will send Dr. Semple updates on how you are feeling, what medications you have taken, pain levels, etc. as well as send him pictures of your incision sites. After the two weeks, you will update Dr. Semple once a week for two weeks. They are hoping to alleviate wait times for follow up appointments as well as save the patient time and money. I am excited to take part in this study and to hopefully help Dr. Semple prove that patients heal faster at home!!
Today I am in quite a bit of pain from the fill. Thank goodness it's my last one. I actually had to take some Oxycodin last night and this morning. I think this has been the worst one so far. I can definitely tell that my skin and body would not allow for another fill.
Stay positive, stay strong and continue to pray!!
It's the final countdown...dun, na, na, na!!
Yesterday I had my special chariot waiting for me at my front door! Miss Vera picked me up for my appointment with Dr. Semple. We had a lovely adventure downtown! Thank you Miss Vera...love you to bits!! This journey is coming to an end and I can certainly see the light! It's shining bright and full of wonderful things!
We arrived for my 12:45pm appointment a little early but it took a bit of time to register. The hospital just put in a new computer system and they needed to ask me my life story! It's a long story...full of ups and downs! ;) Miss Vera and I had a little bit of time to sit and chat, which was nice. Then I was called in for my appointment. I knew going into this one, that it might be my last but I never prepared myself for how I would feel when I was told that.
Dr. Semple came in to see me with his team. Dr. Coyte, his intern and Dr. Katie, his research assistant. Dr. Semple is an amazing doctor who is constantly trying to make health care easier for patients. He is always lending his experience and advice to research projects and he asked me to be part of this next study, which I immediately obliged!! Anything to help someone else going through this journey!! Dr. Katie would explain the study to me and have me sign a consent form. But before we get to that, you need to know about my appointment with Dr. Semple!
He had a look at my chest and told me that everything looks awesome! He answered all of my questions...would I have cleavage? My breast bone or Sternum is quite wide so it will be hard to get a lot of cleavage but with a good bra, I will be able to get a little. Also, when I have my surgery, Dr. Semple will release some of the skin around my Sternum which will possibly add some contouring. Nipple reconstruction...will I do it during this surgery or wait? Well, he doesn't recommend me having nipple reconstruction because patients who went through radiation, they typically have complications on the radiated side when nipple reconstruction is attempted. So, I opt not to do this procedure. Dr. Semple is going to send me to "the best" tattoo artist who will tattoo a 3D nipple on each breast. I teased with him that I didn't want to be sent down some back ally for this...he kept the joke going for a bit! Such a funny guy! What about the blood vessels on my radiated breast...can we get rid of them? I can see someone that will do laser on the area but once again, because of the radiation damage, the laser might damage my skin more so he suggestions that I don't get that done. He did say that over time, the benefits from the fat transfer could eliminate some of the blood vessels. How do the implants compare in size to the expanders? Well, typically they are very similar and can be a bit bigger or smaller. He will order three different sizes of implants and during surgery, will test the implants to see which one will give me the most natural results. Typically, he tends to go bigger, if he can. Recovery time?....two to three weeks. Surgery timing....a month after last fill.
Once I was finished chatting with Dr. Semple and he approved me for one last fill, Helen came in to check me over. She decided that she was going to fill both sides. She was able to get 50cc's in both sides but both sides "burped" fluid out when she removed the needle. Therefore, it has been decided that yesterday was my last fill!! I have a total of 465cc's on the right (radiated) side and 505cc's on the left side. I can't even begin to tell you how overwhelmed I felt when they said I was finished. I actually teared up!! I am going to miss my team! They have been so supportive, compassionate, and understanding during this entire process. They have made me feel like I am a patient and not a number....no, that I am a friend and not a patient....know what I mean?
So, my surgery is scheduled for April 7th. They will do the exchange and I will be sent home the same day, as usual.
As for the study, Dr. Katie explained to me that it is a new patient study that will require the patient to take home a smart phone after surgery and will have direct contact with Dr. Semple. On a daily basis, for the first two weeks after surgery, you will send Dr. Semple updates on how you are feeling, what medications you have taken, pain levels, etc. as well as send him pictures of your incision sites. After the two weeks, you will update Dr. Semple once a week for two weeks. They are hoping to alleviate wait times for follow up appointments as well as save the patient time and money. I am excited to take part in this study and to hopefully help Dr. Semple prove that patients heal faster at home!!
Today I am in quite a bit of pain from the fill. Thank goodness it's my last one. I actually had to take some Oxycodin last night and this morning. I think this has been the worst one so far. I can definitely tell that my skin and body would not allow for another fill.
Stay positive, stay strong and continue to pray!!
Wednesday, 21 January 2015
All Is Good!
So, further to my earlier post today, I had my appointment with Dr. Semple and my nurse Helen.
Dr. Semple examined my left breast and decided that all looked good. However, he did feel that there was some underlying bruising and that the expander did "reposition". I'm telling you, I hit the ice and snow hard!! It almost knocked the wind out of me! Dr. Semple said that if I was going to fall again, do it right away and get it over with! I felt so bad for taking up their time today but they said they would rather me come and it be nothing then to wait and there be a problem.
So while I was there, Dr. Semple examined my radiated breast (my right one) and he said that it looked good to continue filling. So Helen prepared the syringe and filled my right breast only. They didn't want to do my other one because of the discomfort I have, after the fall. Helen was able to get 50cc's in my right breast...it did "burp" some fluid again, but it took all of it!! Yay....Dolly, here I come!! LOL
Made me feel good to see the team today and be reassured that everything was looking wonderful! Dr. Semple even said he loves seeing me...I might have to ask him for a job after all this is over! LOL
So as promised...that is my update!!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for the world and all those people who are struggling everyday!
Dr. Semple examined my left breast and decided that all looked good. However, he did feel that there was some underlying bruising and that the expander did "reposition". I'm telling you, I hit the ice and snow hard!! It almost knocked the wind out of me! Dr. Semple said that if I was going to fall again, do it right away and get it over with! I felt so bad for taking up their time today but they said they would rather me come and it be nothing then to wait and there be a problem.
So while I was there, Dr. Semple examined my radiated breast (my right one) and he said that it looked good to continue filling. So Helen prepared the syringe and filled my right breast only. They didn't want to do my other one because of the discomfort I have, after the fall. Helen was able to get 50cc's in my right breast...it did "burp" some fluid again, but it took all of it!! Yay....Dolly, here I come!! LOL
Made me feel good to see the team today and be reassured that everything was looking wonderful! Dr. Semple even said he loves seeing me...I might have to ask him for a job after all this is over! LOL
So as promised...that is my update!!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for the world and all those people who are struggling everyday!
Close To The End!
**WARNING PICTURES**
Once again, I have taken way too long to write! First off, Happy New Year to all of you! My wish is that you all remain happy and healthy for 2015!!
So, two weeks ago I had my 7th fill! My lovely friend Miss Vera was my chauffeur for the day! We decided that we would take a little adventure downtown together!! It was perfect! My chariot picked me up around 9:45am and we made the long trek downtown. We had a nice little chat about life, family, and this process! She is such a wonderful person and I really don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful people in my life! I am so blessed!!
We arrived for my 11:00am appointment a few minutes early but didn't wait too long to be called in. Helen took me in and had a look at my progress. She said she would try to put 50cc's in each side but didn't know how well my radiated side would take. The radiated side is becoming quite hard and doesn't appear to have much stretch left in it. She managed to get 50cc's in the radiated side but when she was removing the needle, some of the fluid "burped" back out. She said that she feels this is probably my last fill. I might be able to tolerate one more but will have to see Dr. Semple so that he can decide.
So, last week on Thursday I went on an outdoor class trip with Cole's class. We went to Silver Creek conservation park. What a beautiful day...if you were dressed for the weather, which I was! Some of the other Moms, not so much. We were outside for most of the day and started the morning with a survival game. It was called animal survivor. Each of the kids was given an animal and were told where they fell on the "food chain". The parent volunteers were the "hunters". The hunters could only lose a life if they were caught by disease or an element. One of Cole's little friends, whom I know well, was disease. He was trying to catch me the entire game! At one point, the instructor was chatting with me and Michael came up behind me. Not wanting to get caught, I quickly pivoted to my left and began to run. Now this game took place in the woods with ice and snow and tree stumps all over the place. So you can only imagine what happened next. As I was running, I slipped and fell on my left side and came crashing down onto my left breast. Immediately, I got up and quickly checked if I had busted my expander. The pain was almost unbearable and I thought for sure I did some damage. Unable to leave the class trip, I had to continue the day as if nothing had happened while inside I was worrying that I seriously did something to my expander.
The next day, which was a Friday, I was extremely sore but didn't notice any bruising or change in the look of my breast. My hip and shoulder were sore, but I knew they would be better in a few days. My clinic is not open on Fridays so I knew there was no need in calling the hospital. By Monday (of this week), I felt a lot better but knew that something still wasn't right. I finally broke down and called my clinic this morning and they want to see me this afternoon. I think I may have damaged my expander. My breast seems to be a bit smaller than it was and seems to be sitting a bit lower. I am not sure if it might be leaking or if it's just my imagination. I am not sure how they will be able to tell if it's ok...but I would rather them check it now then have something wrong and leave it.
This could change everything if something is wrong!! Hopefully, all will be well and there is no damage. I will keep you all posted!
Saturday, 13 December 2014
Lots To Tell!!
I apologize for taking so long to write anything. I have been going through some emotional and stressful issues and I didn't want to write until I knew what was going on. You may want to go get a coffee because this is going to be a long one!
On November 1, I woke up with severe cramping and thought I just needed to go to the bathroom (you know what I mean). I got up and went into the bathroom and noticed that I was bleeding. I just made it to the toilet and started gushing blood. I instantly started panicking because I was told in July that I was fully through menopause (induced by Chemo and Tamoxifen). There was no chance of a period or getting pregnant. So obviously, all this blood was a real concern for me. Coincidentally, I had my year follow up with my oncologist the next day.
I didn't sleep well and was crying all night! Your mind immediately goes to a bad place after you have been diagnosed with Cancer. I guess that is a normal thing and something that I will have to get used to....I just need to make sure that it doesn't consume me or else I won't be able to enjoy life! I got ready for my appointment and made my way to the hospital. Once there, I met with my nurse Anna first to discuss the past year. She took notes and said how wonderful I look and that my reconstruction looks great! But when I started to tell her about what happened the day before, she became concerned. She excused herself from the examining room to consult with my oncologist.
Dr. Rajagopal came in to examine me and discuss what was happening. She told me to make an appointment immediately with my family doctor and have her run some blood work, do an internal and schedule an internal ultrasound. She didn't want to worry me but also wanted to rule out a few things. Luckily, my family doctor is in the building next to the hospital so after leaving the hospital, I immediately went to my family doctor's office to make an appointment.
When I arrived at my doctor's office, I told the secretary what had been happening and that Dr. Rajagopal wanted me checked sooner rather than later. The secretary went to relay the information to my doctor and they decided that they could take me right away. I was starting to worry about what they were thinking because they were all reacting with such urgency...which I am so very thankful for. Dr. Zarifa took me in to the exam room and did an internal and took some swabs. She told me that she was going to refer me to a Gynecologist who deals with cancer patients, schedule a biopsy and schedule an internal ultrasound to be done immediately. She continued to tell me that she agreed with my oncologist that this could possibly be an early sign of endometrial cancer (uterine cancer). I immediately broke down...I couldn't even imagine that these words were being told to me. Dr. Zarifa quickly comforted me by saying that this could be just my ovaries trying to kick in. (She wasn't the doctor who told me I was in menopause...it was an intern in her office). When I told her about the appointment in July, she warned me that blood work can not determine for sure if you are in menopause, especially at my age. That gave me a little bit of hope that it was my silly ovaries trying to give another kick at the bucket!
Dr. Zarifa sent me to diagnostic imaging with the requisition. They quickly rearranged appointments and scheduled me in for the following day. I went for my internal ultra sound which was extremely uncomfortable...luckily, I wasn't bleeding that day. The technician did the ultrasound and told me results would take about a week. In the meantime, I was able to see a specialist to have a biopsy done...I thought the ultra sound was uncomfortable...man, this hurt like a bugger!! Remind me to never go to an appointment like this by myself again!! I need support...there, I said it!! :) The specialist told me that the results would take a month to come back....what?...a month!! I can't wait a month to find out if my life is going to take a drastic turn again!!
A week went by and I received a call from Dr. Zarifa...the biopsy that was taken was not viable!! What the f%&k?? Are you serious? The specialist didn't get any tissue, it was all blood! She had the appointment for the gynecologist scheduled for the following week and she would do the biopsy.
I called the gynecologist's office a few days before my appointment to see if I was to take a dilation pill for the biopsy (I had to take one the night before my last biopsy). The secretary told me that I wasn't having a biopsy it was just a consultation...ugh...more delay!! When I arrived to my appointment, I was prepared for a consultation....when I was brought into the exam room...the doctor came in and told me that she was going to do the biopsy that day!! OMG....I was not ready for that!! I needed support!!! The gynecologist was very compassionate and took her time going through my life story. Asking a thousand questions and telling me what this could possibly be. Once again, a very uncomfortable procedure but it was done! The gynecologist really eased my mind and told me that she felt it was more a case of my ovaries trying to kick in (because of my age) than it would be cancer. She said the biopsy was very clean and that was a good indicator that it wouldn't be anything. She told me to call her office in two weeks for the results.
This past Thursday was the two week mark so I was full of anxiety all week....and then I received a call on Wednesday from the doctor's office....my test results from the biopsy were back and everything was normal!!! Everything looked great!!! OMG...I felt like a thousand pounds was lifted off my shoulders!!
I am just so grateful for all my doctors and the urgency they show when dealing with me! It makes me feel like if there ever was anything, they would catch it before it amounted to anything!
On another note, my expansion process is going really well. I have had two more done since my last post (it was supposed to be three but one was cancelled). The last fill made a huge difference and I will post pictures soon! They are going to slow things down a bit because my radiated side is getting tight and they want my skin to have more time to adjust between fills. That's fine by me because I am not even close to the size I want to be and I will do whatever I have to to get to that point. So because of this, my surgery will not be in the early New Year like I had hoped!
So, that is what has been going on with me and I didn't want to write anything until I knew for sure what the results would be....I didn't want family and friends worrying!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!!
On November 1, I woke up with severe cramping and thought I just needed to go to the bathroom (you know what I mean). I got up and went into the bathroom and noticed that I was bleeding. I just made it to the toilet and started gushing blood. I instantly started panicking because I was told in July that I was fully through menopause (induced by Chemo and Tamoxifen). There was no chance of a period or getting pregnant. So obviously, all this blood was a real concern for me. Coincidentally, I had my year follow up with my oncologist the next day.
I didn't sleep well and was crying all night! Your mind immediately goes to a bad place after you have been diagnosed with Cancer. I guess that is a normal thing and something that I will have to get used to....I just need to make sure that it doesn't consume me or else I won't be able to enjoy life! I got ready for my appointment and made my way to the hospital. Once there, I met with my nurse Anna first to discuss the past year. She took notes and said how wonderful I look and that my reconstruction looks great! But when I started to tell her about what happened the day before, she became concerned. She excused herself from the examining room to consult with my oncologist.
Dr. Rajagopal came in to examine me and discuss what was happening. She told me to make an appointment immediately with my family doctor and have her run some blood work, do an internal and schedule an internal ultrasound. She didn't want to worry me but also wanted to rule out a few things. Luckily, my family doctor is in the building next to the hospital so after leaving the hospital, I immediately went to my family doctor's office to make an appointment.
When I arrived at my doctor's office, I told the secretary what had been happening and that Dr. Rajagopal wanted me checked sooner rather than later. The secretary went to relay the information to my doctor and they decided that they could take me right away. I was starting to worry about what they were thinking because they were all reacting with such urgency...which I am so very thankful for. Dr. Zarifa took me in to the exam room and did an internal and took some swabs. She told me that she was going to refer me to a Gynecologist who deals with cancer patients, schedule a biopsy and schedule an internal ultrasound to be done immediately. She continued to tell me that she agreed with my oncologist that this could possibly be an early sign of endometrial cancer (uterine cancer). I immediately broke down...I couldn't even imagine that these words were being told to me. Dr. Zarifa quickly comforted me by saying that this could be just my ovaries trying to kick in. (She wasn't the doctor who told me I was in menopause...it was an intern in her office). When I told her about the appointment in July, she warned me that blood work can not determine for sure if you are in menopause, especially at my age. That gave me a little bit of hope that it was my silly ovaries trying to give another kick at the bucket!
Dr. Zarifa sent me to diagnostic imaging with the requisition. They quickly rearranged appointments and scheduled me in for the following day. I went for my internal ultra sound which was extremely uncomfortable...luckily, I wasn't bleeding that day. The technician did the ultrasound and told me results would take about a week. In the meantime, I was able to see a specialist to have a biopsy done...I thought the ultra sound was uncomfortable...man, this hurt like a bugger!! Remind me to never go to an appointment like this by myself again!! I need support...there, I said it!! :) The specialist told me that the results would take a month to come back....what?...a month!! I can't wait a month to find out if my life is going to take a drastic turn again!!
A week went by and I received a call from Dr. Zarifa...the biopsy that was taken was not viable!! What the f%&k?? Are you serious? The specialist didn't get any tissue, it was all blood! She had the appointment for the gynecologist scheduled for the following week and she would do the biopsy.
I called the gynecologist's office a few days before my appointment to see if I was to take a dilation pill for the biopsy (I had to take one the night before my last biopsy). The secretary told me that I wasn't having a biopsy it was just a consultation...ugh...more delay!! When I arrived to my appointment, I was prepared for a consultation....when I was brought into the exam room...the doctor came in and told me that she was going to do the biopsy that day!! OMG....I was not ready for that!! I needed support!!! The gynecologist was very compassionate and took her time going through my life story. Asking a thousand questions and telling me what this could possibly be. Once again, a very uncomfortable procedure but it was done! The gynecologist really eased my mind and told me that she felt it was more a case of my ovaries trying to kick in (because of my age) than it would be cancer. She said the biopsy was very clean and that was a good indicator that it wouldn't be anything. She told me to call her office in two weeks for the results.
This past Thursday was the two week mark so I was full of anxiety all week....and then I received a call on Wednesday from the doctor's office....my test results from the biopsy were back and everything was normal!!! Everything looked great!!! OMG...I felt like a thousand pounds was lifted off my shoulders!!
I am just so grateful for all my doctors and the urgency they show when dealing with me! It makes me feel like if there ever was anything, they would catch it before it amounted to anything!
On another note, my expansion process is going really well. I have had two more done since my last post (it was supposed to be three but one was cancelled). The last fill made a huge difference and I will post pictures soon! They are going to slow things down a bit because my radiated side is getting tight and they want my skin to have more time to adjust between fills. That's fine by me because I am not even close to the size I want to be and I will do whatever I have to to get to that point. So because of this, my surgery will not be in the early New Year like I had hoped!
So, that is what has been going on with me and I didn't want to write anything until I knew for sure what the results would be....I didn't want family and friends worrying!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!!
Tuesday, 28 October 2014
Fill Number 4!!
***WARNING PICTURES***
Wow, I didn't realize how many people are actually reading my blog until I started getting messages from people asking how my last fill went!
I had a fill done on October 22 and this one was a breeze! I arrived at my appointment a little early so I figured I would have plenty of time to catch up on my facebook and maybe read a magazine that I brought. Helen was running a little bit ahead of schedule so she was able to take me right away. After inspecting my results from fill number 3, she thought it would be best to only fill my left side (the non radiated side). She said that at some point during the process she would have to try to make things look a little more symmetrical. Of course, my first thought was "does she think that my radiated side won't expand much further?", but she quickly put my mind at ease when she told me that my skin is responding very, very well!! Yeehaw!!! Giddy up!!! Let's get this show on the road!!! :)
Once we decided that we would only fill one side, the intern quickly gathered up all the saline syringes and Helen began to fill. She was able to get a whopping 85cc's injected into my left side!! Can you say CLEAVAGE? LOL Not a lot but it's a start! :) I thought I was going to have a lot of discomfort after this fill, seeing as it was so much more then previous ones, but I had only minimal discomfort and it only lasted that day and night. I have three more fills until I meet with Dr. Semple again (appointment with him on my thrid fill). He will inspect my skin and we will discuss the results and if we want to continue! Of course I will....go big or go home! LOL
I had a CT scan yesterday at Credit Valley Hospital. This is the annual CT scan of my liver to make sure the spots that they found are not growing. I hate getting this CT because they inject me with a solution that makes me feel like I am pissing my pants! It's so uncomfortable...not a painful test, just uncomfortable thinking that you are going to get up from the table and be soaked with pee! Very odd I know, but thought I would share!! I have my yearly appointment with my Oncologist on Monday and hopefully all the test results will be in line with the way that I feel....wonderful! ;)
I appreciate all the phone calls, cards (thank you Miss Vera) ;) , messages and texts asking how I am doing. I am one lucky gal!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!!
Wow, I didn't realize how many people are actually reading my blog until I started getting messages from people asking how my last fill went!
I had a fill done on October 22 and this one was a breeze! I arrived at my appointment a little early so I figured I would have plenty of time to catch up on my facebook and maybe read a magazine that I brought. Helen was running a little bit ahead of schedule so she was able to take me right away. After inspecting my results from fill number 3, she thought it would be best to only fill my left side (the non radiated side). She said that at some point during the process she would have to try to make things look a little more symmetrical. Of course, my first thought was "does she think that my radiated side won't expand much further?", but she quickly put my mind at ease when she told me that my skin is responding very, very well!! Yeehaw!!! Giddy up!!! Let's get this show on the road!!! :)
Once we decided that we would only fill one side, the intern quickly gathered up all the saline syringes and Helen began to fill. She was able to get a whopping 85cc's injected into my left side!! Can you say CLEAVAGE? LOL Not a lot but it's a start! :) I thought I was going to have a lot of discomfort after this fill, seeing as it was so much more then previous ones, but I had only minimal discomfort and it only lasted that day and night. I have three more fills until I meet with Dr. Semple again (appointment with him on my thrid fill). He will inspect my skin and we will discuss the results and if we want to continue! Of course I will....go big or go home! LOL
I had a CT scan yesterday at Credit Valley Hospital. This is the annual CT scan of my liver to make sure the spots that they found are not growing. I hate getting this CT because they inject me with a solution that makes me feel like I am pissing my pants! It's so uncomfortable...not a painful test, just uncomfortable thinking that you are going to get up from the table and be soaked with pee! Very odd I know, but thought I would share!! I have my yearly appointment with my Oncologist on Monday and hopefully all the test results will be in line with the way that I feel....wonderful! ;)
I appreciate all the phone calls, cards (thank you Miss Vera) ;) , messages and texts asking how I am doing. I am one lucky gal!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!!
Wednesday, 8 October 2014
Fill Number 3!!
I want to start this post by getting a little bit personal. I have debated on whether or not to share this but I felt that if it can help any one going through this, then I need to address it.
During this entire process, you rely on your spouse to help take care you, manage the house, raise the kids and be your biggest cheerleader. Jason has been absolutely amazing during this whole process. He has managed my meds during Chemo, made trips to the grocery store late at night when I was craving things from the steroids and just been a great support. But there is one thing that the doctors never prepare you for and that is how your spouse is going to adapt to the changes in your body. The doctors are more concerned about getting you through your treatments and disease, and rightfully so, and they never talk about the impact it will have on your relationship. I never for once, thought Jason didn't love me or didn't want to be with me. Some girls I talked to, their husbands left them when they got diagnosed...I can't even wrap my head around that one.
Breast Cancer is not only a disease that works it's way through your body, it also works it's way through your relationships. More importantly, the relationship with your spouse. Neither you nor your spouse can prepare for how this disease will change the way you look at each other. It's such an adjustment for Jason too. I feel very alone sometimes and I know that that is not his intention at all. It's just that he is uncomfortable with the way my body is changing. I, on the other hand, look at my body every morning when I get out of the shower and although there are days that I am sad, there are days when I am quite comfortable with how I look. I believe in one of my first posts I said that Jason was a boob man, I never realized how important and how sexual breasts really are for some people. ...and that's where we are struggling. It was a long hard battle getting through the Cancer together but people don't realize that the battle still goes on, long after treatment ends. It's a battle to find your new normal and to rediscover love and passion in the most important relationships. We will get through this little bump, just like we make it through everything else that's thrown our way.
I had my third fill today and I am quite sore again. I feel a tightness in my chest and find it difficult to take deep breaths. The actual fill was fine, it's the feeling after getting 45cc's on my radiated side and 50cc's on my left side. Helen feels that my radiated side is tolerating the fills quite well so she decided to do a bit more fill this time. It usually takes me a couple of days to feel like I can breath properly and feel like I can tolerate the tightness. My next fill is on October 22nd.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray...because the fight never ends.
During this entire process, you rely on your spouse to help take care you, manage the house, raise the kids and be your biggest cheerleader. Jason has been absolutely amazing during this whole process. He has managed my meds during Chemo, made trips to the grocery store late at night when I was craving things from the steroids and just been a great support. But there is one thing that the doctors never prepare you for and that is how your spouse is going to adapt to the changes in your body. The doctors are more concerned about getting you through your treatments and disease, and rightfully so, and they never talk about the impact it will have on your relationship. I never for once, thought Jason didn't love me or didn't want to be with me. Some girls I talked to, their husbands left them when they got diagnosed...I can't even wrap my head around that one.
Breast Cancer is not only a disease that works it's way through your body, it also works it's way through your relationships. More importantly, the relationship with your spouse. Neither you nor your spouse can prepare for how this disease will change the way you look at each other. It's such an adjustment for Jason too. I feel very alone sometimes and I know that that is not his intention at all. It's just that he is uncomfortable with the way my body is changing. I, on the other hand, look at my body every morning when I get out of the shower and although there are days that I am sad, there are days when I am quite comfortable with how I look. I believe in one of my first posts I said that Jason was a boob man, I never realized how important and how sexual breasts really are for some people. ...and that's where we are struggling. It was a long hard battle getting through the Cancer together but people don't realize that the battle still goes on, long after treatment ends. It's a battle to find your new normal and to rediscover love and passion in the most important relationships. We will get through this little bump, just like we make it through everything else that's thrown our way.
I had my third fill today and I am quite sore again. I feel a tightness in my chest and find it difficult to take deep breaths. The actual fill was fine, it's the feeling after getting 45cc's on my radiated side and 50cc's on my left side. Helen feels that my radiated side is tolerating the fills quite well so she decided to do a bit more fill this time. It usually takes me a couple of days to feel like I can breath properly and feel like I can tolerate the tightness. My next fill is on October 22nd.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray...because the fight never ends.
Run For The Cure 2014!!
It was a crisp morning for this years Run For The Cure!
Keil and I did the 5K walk together this year with Jason and Cole cheering us on. Keil was excited to be able to do it with me but was a little bummed that we weren't running it. He joined his Cross Country team at school, to get some running experience so that he could run it with me. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to run because of my expanders and being so "fresh" out of surgery. I am really not supposed to be doing anything strenuous for 10 weeks. Next year we will be sure to run it together...maybe even do it as a family!!
Keil and I did the 5K walk together this year with Jason and Cole cheering us on. Keil was excited to be able to do it with me but was a little bummed that we weren't running it. He joined his Cross Country team at school, to get some running experience so that he could run it with me. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to run because of my expanders and being so "fresh" out of surgery. I am really not supposed to be doing anything strenuous for 10 weeks. Next year we will be sure to run it together...maybe even do it as a family!!
Thursday, 25 September 2014
Fill Number 2!!
I'm feeling a bit down on myself today. I think all this sitting around doing nothing, is starting to get to me.
I have worked so hard over the past year to lose some weight and tone up a bit. It's difficult being on Tamoxifen because it makes it harder to lose the weight, especially around the middle! I was finally to a point where I was happy with my body and knew that if I could maintain the way I looked, I would be ok with that. Then surgery came and the weeks of not being allowed to exercise followed! It's so frustrating!!
Cancer takes such an emotional toll on your body! I can't even explain to you how I have moments of "thank God I am here, who cares what I look like" to "OMG, why can't I just be back to myself". It's an endless battle and I am tired of fighting. Deep inside, I know that I will never look the way I did before all this, but I try to hold onto some hope that I will be that skinny, two boobed girl I once was! Sometimes I hate myself for focusing so much on how I look instead of all the positives in my life. I guess everyone has their days and I can honestly say that I have way more positive ones then negative. It just sucks sometimes and I feel like I am tired of being strong! Sorry, I needed to vent!! Enough with the pity party! ;)
Yesterday, I went for my second fill with Helen. She filled my radiated side first to see how much it could tolerate...she was able to put in 35 cc's this time. The fill was a little better this time...although today I am quite sore and tight. Helen said that my skin (on the radiated side) looks good and is very soft. I have been putting Glaxol cream on it everyday, trying to keep it moisturized and supple. Dr. Semple recommended that I keep it very moisturized during this process as it will help with the stretching and healing. So, I have a tiny bit of "cleavage" now! I am excited to see the progression from flat chested to having "cleavage". I just wish the process didn't take so long...that's how I am feeling today and I know tomorrow will be totally different!!
I am still not allowed to exercise, lift anything over 10lbs or elevate my blood pressure/heart rate! I must admit, this week I did have moments that my blood pressure elevated and maybe I lifted some things that I shouldn't have. My body quickly told me to stop and take it easy...and I humbly obliged!
My next fill is October 8! I have a total of 180 cc's now!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray! Next month is Breast Cancer Awareness month! Please make a donation to help find a cure for this terrible disease!
I have worked so hard over the past year to lose some weight and tone up a bit. It's difficult being on Tamoxifen because it makes it harder to lose the weight, especially around the middle! I was finally to a point where I was happy with my body and knew that if I could maintain the way I looked, I would be ok with that. Then surgery came and the weeks of not being allowed to exercise followed! It's so frustrating!!
Cancer takes such an emotional toll on your body! I can't even explain to you how I have moments of "thank God I am here, who cares what I look like" to "OMG, why can't I just be back to myself". It's an endless battle and I am tired of fighting. Deep inside, I know that I will never look the way I did before all this, but I try to hold onto some hope that I will be that skinny, two boobed girl I once was! Sometimes I hate myself for focusing so much on how I look instead of all the positives in my life. I guess everyone has their days and I can honestly say that I have way more positive ones then negative. It just sucks sometimes and I feel like I am tired of being strong! Sorry, I needed to vent!! Enough with the pity party! ;)
Yesterday, I went for my second fill with Helen. She filled my radiated side first to see how much it could tolerate...she was able to put in 35 cc's this time. The fill was a little better this time...although today I am quite sore and tight. Helen said that my skin (on the radiated side) looks good and is very soft. I have been putting Glaxol cream on it everyday, trying to keep it moisturized and supple. Dr. Semple recommended that I keep it very moisturized during this process as it will help with the stretching and healing. So, I have a tiny bit of "cleavage" now! I am excited to see the progression from flat chested to having "cleavage". I just wish the process didn't take so long...that's how I am feeling today and I know tomorrow will be totally different!!
I am still not allowed to exercise, lift anything over 10lbs or elevate my blood pressure/heart rate! I must admit, this week I did have moments that my blood pressure elevated and maybe I lifted some things that I shouldn't have. My body quickly told me to stop and take it easy...and I humbly obliged!
My next fill is October 8! I have a total of 180 cc's now!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray! Next month is Breast Cancer Awareness month! Please make a donation to help find a cure for this terrible disease!
Tuesday, 16 September 2014
Fill Number 1!!
Sorry it's been a bit since my last post but I've been very fortunate to have my in-laws and best friend here to help me out and I was focusing on my visit with them. I am truly blessed to have a wonderful extended family who has supported me through this entire journey. I can count on my in-laws to be here at the drop of a hat. My best friend, Cara, is always putting her life on hold to come and help out but mainly to take my mind off things. It's nice to just have someone here to talk to when you can't do anything but sit and heal.
Last Wednesday, I had my follow up with Dr. Semple and my first expander fill. Jason took the day off work to come with me so we could see what the process was going to be like and how long my future appointments might be. Dr. Semple was very happy with my progress (considering last time he saw me I was in a wheel chair feeling very weak and blah!) He gave my nurse the go ahead to start the filling process.
Helen prepped me in the room and explained what the process was going to be like. She also showed me what the expanders look like as well as showed me the type of implant that Dr. Semple will use during my transfer surgery. It was a little overwhelming...not in a bad way but in an exciting way!!! Being able to actually see and hold the implant and envision what I will look like when all this is done, made me giddy like a little girl!! My expanders are simply an empty implant with a titanium port through which they inject saline to slowly fill the "sack", if you will! They are a slightly different shape from the actual implant because they are required to expand a bigger area than the implant will consume. This will enable Dr. Semple to have more room and movement to work with during the final surgery so that the final results will be natural.
Once I asked my many questions and felt comfortable enough to start, Helen cleaned my chest with antiseptic and started to get ready to fill. Once she locates the port, she uses a small tool to mark an "X" at the middle position. This is where the needle will be inserted. She had a syringe filled with 50cc's of saline solution but felt that my chest was still a little to "fresh" from the surgery to insert the entire contents. So, she only put in half. She started with my left side, which is my new mastectomy side. She said that I may feel pressure and a small pinch. I can honestly say I didn't feel anything. All I could feel was the cool saline filling my chest...a little weird! Then she proceeded to my right breast. Not such a pleasant experience. Because my blood vessels are so close to the surface on my right side, when she inserted the needle I could feel a lot of pain and pressure. I could tolerate it but it was uncomfortable. The entire process only took about 10 minutes from start to finish and I only had minimal tightness in my chest...and so it begins!! Woohoo!! My first fill complete!!
On a very positive note...my pathology report came back and it is entirely CLEAR!!!! Woohoo...I am feeling like things are really starting to turn around for us!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for all those afflicted with this terrible disease.
Last Wednesday, I had my follow up with Dr. Semple and my first expander fill. Jason took the day off work to come with me so we could see what the process was going to be like and how long my future appointments might be. Dr. Semple was very happy with my progress (considering last time he saw me I was in a wheel chair feeling very weak and blah!) He gave my nurse the go ahead to start the filling process.
Helen prepped me in the room and explained what the process was going to be like. She also showed me what the expanders look like as well as showed me the type of implant that Dr. Semple will use during my transfer surgery. It was a little overwhelming...not in a bad way but in an exciting way!!! Being able to actually see and hold the implant and envision what I will look like when all this is done, made me giddy like a little girl!! My expanders are simply an empty implant with a titanium port through which they inject saline to slowly fill the "sack", if you will! They are a slightly different shape from the actual implant because they are required to expand a bigger area than the implant will consume. This will enable Dr. Semple to have more room and movement to work with during the final surgery so that the final results will be natural.
Once I asked my many questions and felt comfortable enough to start, Helen cleaned my chest with antiseptic and started to get ready to fill. Once she locates the port, she uses a small tool to mark an "X" at the middle position. This is where the needle will be inserted. She had a syringe filled with 50cc's of saline solution but felt that my chest was still a little to "fresh" from the surgery to insert the entire contents. So, she only put in half. She started with my left side, which is my new mastectomy side. She said that I may feel pressure and a small pinch. I can honestly say I didn't feel anything. All I could feel was the cool saline filling my chest...a little weird! Then she proceeded to my right breast. Not such a pleasant experience. Because my blood vessels are so close to the surface on my right side, when she inserted the needle I could feel a lot of pain and pressure. I could tolerate it but it was uncomfortable. The entire process only took about 10 minutes from start to finish and I only had minimal tightness in my chest...and so it begins!! Woohoo!! My first fill complete!!
On a very positive note...my pathology report came back and it is entirely CLEAR!!!! Woohoo...I am feeling like things are really starting to turn around for us!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for all those afflicted with this terrible disease.
Friday, 5 September 2014
Blessed With A Great Team!!
**WARNING PICTURES**
I am healing slow and steady...and they always say that's what wins the race!!
I had my follow up appointment on Wednesday with my nurse, Helen. What a sweet heart of a lady! I really couldn't have asked for a better team going through this journey. Each and every person whom I have dealt with, has made me feel safe, informed, at ease and important. I was never just another patient or number in an endless flow of cancer victims. I only had one doctor that was a true ass and he was a plastic surgeon who only worked on "plastic patients"!!! My visit with him was extremely short and not very sweet! I guess I had to meet with him to really appreciate my plastic surgeon...who is compassionate, has empathy for each patient and treats you like you're family. He truly cares!!
Anywho....so, met with Helen and she removed my steri-strips to reveal my incisions! "Wow"...was what she said! "Wow"...in a good way :) One incision under my right breast, was barely visible. The meticulous closure of that incision by Dr. Semple was proof that he cared about the end result in this journey. My left breast was removed through my nipple (with the nipple being removed as well). The incision is across my breast area and is a little more visible but it still looks good! I was shocked when I looked in the mirror! Such precision and care by my surgeons makes this process all the more worth while. I don't feel like a butchered mess, which I know was weighing on my mind before the surgery.
Helen took the time to sit with me and answer my long list of questions. I was making a list over the previous two weeks and was hoping that she would have the time to answer all of them...and she did! Can I sleep on my side? Yes, when you are comfortable. My heart is racing and I feel short of breath, is this normal? Yes, you are of small stature and your chest is small. The expander is placed under your muscle and is taking up space that your body is not used to giving up. Do deep breathing exercises on a daily basis and make sure that you are opening up your chest by correcting your posture. Can I have MRI's, X-ray's and CT scans? Your expanders are titanium based and may alter the results of the MRI testing. Please make sure you check with the technicians before having the tests. My skin seems to be very dry, can I moisturize my chest area? Absolutely, you should be doing that during the entire process. Use a fragrance free moisturizer similar to what you used during your radiation treatments. When can I start exercising? You can start taking small walks but don't elevate your heart rate too much. It is very important that you don't lift anything over 5lbs and that you don't elevate your blood pressure. That means no heated discussions, no stress, no heavy lifting, no chores that could increase your heart rate. Sit back and let people do it for you until at least 6 weeks, then you can start slowly getting back into routine. So, for those of you who know me, you know I can't sit still for too long. I don't like asking for help and I think that I am super woman and can do anything! It has to be the hardest thing to do....slow down! ;)
The appointment was overall a very good appointment. Helen booked me in for next Wednesday, September 10 to meet with Dr. Semple and to have my first expander fill. Eeek!!! It's really happening!!
Pathology report is not back yet on the left breast. Results should be shortly.
I am positive, I am strong and I pray everyday for the blessed life I have!
Expanders were filled to 120cc's during surgery.
I am healing slow and steady...and they always say that's what wins the race!!
I had my follow up appointment on Wednesday with my nurse, Helen. What a sweet heart of a lady! I really couldn't have asked for a better team going through this journey. Each and every person whom I have dealt with, has made me feel safe, informed, at ease and important. I was never just another patient or number in an endless flow of cancer victims. I only had one doctor that was a true ass and he was a plastic surgeon who only worked on "plastic patients"!!! My visit with him was extremely short and not very sweet! I guess I had to meet with him to really appreciate my plastic surgeon...who is compassionate, has empathy for each patient and treats you like you're family. He truly cares!!
Anywho....so, met with Helen and she removed my steri-strips to reveal my incisions! "Wow"...was what she said! "Wow"...in a good way :) One incision under my right breast, was barely visible. The meticulous closure of that incision by Dr. Semple was proof that he cared about the end result in this journey. My left breast was removed through my nipple (with the nipple being removed as well). The incision is across my breast area and is a little more visible but it still looks good! I was shocked when I looked in the mirror! Such precision and care by my surgeons makes this process all the more worth while. I don't feel like a butchered mess, which I know was weighing on my mind before the surgery.
Helen took the time to sit with me and answer my long list of questions. I was making a list over the previous two weeks and was hoping that she would have the time to answer all of them...and she did! Can I sleep on my side? Yes, when you are comfortable. My heart is racing and I feel short of breath, is this normal? Yes, you are of small stature and your chest is small. The expander is placed under your muscle and is taking up space that your body is not used to giving up. Do deep breathing exercises on a daily basis and make sure that you are opening up your chest by correcting your posture. Can I have MRI's, X-ray's and CT scans? Your expanders are titanium based and may alter the results of the MRI testing. Please make sure you check with the technicians before having the tests. My skin seems to be very dry, can I moisturize my chest area? Absolutely, you should be doing that during the entire process. Use a fragrance free moisturizer similar to what you used during your radiation treatments. When can I start exercising? You can start taking small walks but don't elevate your heart rate too much. It is very important that you don't lift anything over 5lbs and that you don't elevate your blood pressure. That means no heated discussions, no stress, no heavy lifting, no chores that could increase your heart rate. Sit back and let people do it for you until at least 6 weeks, then you can start slowly getting back into routine. So, for those of you who know me, you know I can't sit still for too long. I don't like asking for help and I think that I am super woman and can do anything! It has to be the hardest thing to do....slow down! ;)
The appointment was overall a very good appointment. Helen booked me in for next Wednesday, September 10 to meet with Dr. Semple and to have my first expander fill. Eeek!!! It's really happening!!
Pathology report is not back yet on the left breast. Results should be shortly.
I am positive, I am strong and I pray everyday for the blessed life I have!
Expanders were filled to 120cc's during surgery.
Sunday, 31 August 2014
Family Is Everything!!
I have a wonderful support group of friends and family!
Jason's Mom and Dad have been here for almost a month helping us out. I honestly don't know what I would have done without them! They have helped with the kids, made meals and Jason's Dad has been doing a lot of small projects around the house...saving Jason from trying to get them done before we sell the house next year. It has been a tremendous help and we so appreciate everything they have done for us.
Things have been going slow but smooth so far. I am starting to be able to reach into cupboards and open the fridge...which I am sure you are thinking, that is easy enough to do, but trust me...it's not! Movement is very limited and even the simple tasks prove to be a challenge. I find myself comparing my recovery to my previous mastectomy, which is different because I had lymph nodes removed with that surgery. I even find that showering is hard. I have to bow my head to shampoo my hair! Small steps! :)
My chest is feeling quite tight and I feel a sensation of a "foreign" object in my body! I am worried that this is what I am going to feel for the next 6 months. It is extremely uncomfortable and I find that by the end of the day, my back is sore from trying to hold myself from the odd jolt of discomfort. I am sure that I am only feeling this way because I am only two weeks out of surgery. Just not a feeling I want to have for possibly 4-6 months. Ugh!
My next appointment is on Wednesday to meet with my nurse at Women's College Hospital. She will check my incisions and make sure everything is healing properly and she will also discuss my next steps. Looking forward to getting this show on the road!!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!!
Jason's Mom and Dad have been here for almost a month helping us out. I honestly don't know what I would have done without them! They have helped with the kids, made meals and Jason's Dad has been doing a lot of small projects around the house...saving Jason from trying to get them done before we sell the house next year. It has been a tremendous help and we so appreciate everything they have done for us.
Things have been going slow but smooth so far. I am starting to be able to reach into cupboards and open the fridge...which I am sure you are thinking, that is easy enough to do, but trust me...it's not! Movement is very limited and even the simple tasks prove to be a challenge. I find myself comparing my recovery to my previous mastectomy, which is different because I had lymph nodes removed with that surgery. I even find that showering is hard. I have to bow my head to shampoo my hair! Small steps! :)
My chest is feeling quite tight and I feel a sensation of a "foreign" object in my body! I am worried that this is what I am going to feel for the next 6 months. It is extremely uncomfortable and I find that by the end of the day, my back is sore from trying to hold myself from the odd jolt of discomfort. I am sure that I am only feeling this way because I am only two weeks out of surgery. Just not a feeling I want to have for possibly 4-6 months. Ugh!
My next appointment is on Wednesday to meet with my nurse at Women's College Hospital. She will check my incisions and make sure everything is healing properly and she will also discuss my next steps. Looking forward to getting this show on the road!!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!!
A Week Of Healing!!
This post was written last week but I forgot to post! :)
Oh what a week! I will say that this was not the easiest surgery!!
After returning home on Tuesday evening I was sore, irritable, and emotional. I was high on drugs and tired from being poked. I slept most of the night only waking for my pain meds and to use the washroom. Jason is my hero...taking time off work to take care of me, waking up during the night to help me to the washroom, making sure I had my pain meds and antibiotics at the right intervals. I honestly don't know what I would do without him!
As each day passed, I was feeling a bit better but still had my moments of emotion, pain, weakness, and feeling of being sick. On Friday, I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Semple. When I arrived at the hospital his secretary Leslie, came out to get me and she almost fell over when she saw me. She said that she is so used to seeing a bubbly, outgoing, happy, talkative patient that seeing me sitting in a wheel chair, barely able to lift my head was a shock! I felt like I had been hit by a truck...and I've been hit by a car before so I know what it feels like! ;) Dr. Semple took me right away and calmly told me that I am doing amazing! He has such a way of making you feel calm and reassured. He is mild mannered and full of hope and comfort! He told me I was going to be just fine and that my surgery went really well. My left breast was removed and taken to pathology for careful examination to ensure there was no further cancer. (Results will be back in two weeks) There were no complications at all with the surgery...in fact, it couldn't have gone smoother! Exactly what I wanted to hear!!
The weekend was a bit better and I was seeing small improvements. I could get up out of bed on my own, go to the bathroom on my own and sponge bath on my own. My drain was starting to slow down (which is exciting to see) so I knew it would be coming out soon. I still found that I needed to rest and took the opportunity to have small naps all weekend. On Monday the nurse would be checking in on me and I knew that I would be getting my drain out.
When the nurse arrived on Monday, she cut my stitches surrounding my drain and carefully pulled it out. Remembering what it was like two years ago, getting my drain out, I made sure I was drugged when she arrived. Getting that drain out is a blessing but it is the most painful thing I have ever experienced...and I would say I have experienced some pretty crazy things! ;) After the drain is removed, you almost feel free...like you are no longer held down. I knew that a lot of my pain was coming from my drain so getting it out was a huge relief. It also meant that I could shower!!! Yay....oh the feeling of standing under a hot shower, pounding on your head, washing away all the filth...it's very therapeutic! :)
So today is another new day...showered, hair washed and feeling a bit better...small steps baby, small steps!
Thank you to everyone who sent emails, text messages, made phone calls to see how I was doing...you are all a wonderful part of my life and I feel so blessed! <3
Oh what a week! I will say that this was not the easiest surgery!!
After returning home on Tuesday evening I was sore, irritable, and emotional. I was high on drugs and tired from being poked. I slept most of the night only waking for my pain meds and to use the washroom. Jason is my hero...taking time off work to take care of me, waking up during the night to help me to the washroom, making sure I had my pain meds and antibiotics at the right intervals. I honestly don't know what I would do without him!
As each day passed, I was feeling a bit better but still had my moments of emotion, pain, weakness, and feeling of being sick. On Friday, I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Semple. When I arrived at the hospital his secretary Leslie, came out to get me and she almost fell over when she saw me. She said that she is so used to seeing a bubbly, outgoing, happy, talkative patient that seeing me sitting in a wheel chair, barely able to lift my head was a shock! I felt like I had been hit by a truck...and I've been hit by a car before so I know what it feels like! ;) Dr. Semple took me right away and calmly told me that I am doing amazing! He has such a way of making you feel calm and reassured. He is mild mannered and full of hope and comfort! He told me I was going to be just fine and that my surgery went really well. My left breast was removed and taken to pathology for careful examination to ensure there was no further cancer. (Results will be back in two weeks) There were no complications at all with the surgery...in fact, it couldn't have gone smoother! Exactly what I wanted to hear!!
The weekend was a bit better and I was seeing small improvements. I could get up out of bed on my own, go to the bathroom on my own and sponge bath on my own. My drain was starting to slow down (which is exciting to see) so I knew it would be coming out soon. I still found that I needed to rest and took the opportunity to have small naps all weekend. On Monday the nurse would be checking in on me and I knew that I would be getting my drain out.
When the nurse arrived on Monday, she cut my stitches surrounding my drain and carefully pulled it out. Remembering what it was like two years ago, getting my drain out, I made sure I was drugged when she arrived. Getting that drain out is a blessing but it is the most painful thing I have ever experienced...and I would say I have experienced some pretty crazy things! ;) After the drain is removed, you almost feel free...like you are no longer held down. I knew that a lot of my pain was coming from my drain so getting it out was a huge relief. It also meant that I could shower!!! Yay....oh the feeling of standing under a hot shower, pounding on your head, washing away all the filth...it's very therapeutic! :)
So today is another new day...showered, hair washed and feeling a bit better...small steps baby, small steps!
Thank you to everyone who sent emails, text messages, made phone calls to see how I was doing...you are all a wonderful part of my life and I feel so blessed! <3
Tuesday, 26 August 2014
The Beginning Of A New Journey!!
A week ago, I arrived at the Women's College Hospital at 5:30am with a stomach full of butterflies and a lump in my throat. We arrived too early to get into the underground parking so we sat parked on the street for 1/2 hour. Jason fell asleep while I checked facebook and got caught up on the news. The city seems so peaceful at that hour in the morning. Almost too peaceful!! I was jumping at every sound I heard and was sure I was going to throw up at some point. Finally, at 6am, the doors to the underground parking opened and we proceeded to our parking destination for the day.
Upon arrival to the 8th floor, we quickly noticed that we were the only ones there. The reception was in darkness and all was quiet. Well that quickly changed! Two more patients arrived with their spouses and the nurses arrived then reception. I was the first to be called for registration and the nurse was waiting patiently for my hospital bands to be put on. She quickly took me into get changed and ask me questions about the surgery and give me prep drugs. She told me I could go back out to kiss Jason goodbye and then I needed to come back into the surgery area to be prepped. OMG!!! This was really happening!!! I quickly gave Jason a kiss, told him that I loved him and began to cry. What a flood of emotion! I was so nervous and scared that I couldn't stop sobbing...and then my pills kicked in and I became somewhat "mellow". Time for prep!!
Two nurses came out to the surgery waiting area (a second area after I left Jason) to get me ready. They took me to the back area and quickly started an IV. They explained that the anesthesiologist would be in to start the nerve block, Dr. Semple and Dr. Escallon would be in to "mark" me up and then I would be taken to surgery. All the interns and doctors came in and out and the nurse told me she was going to put something in my IV that would make me feel like I had a good glass of wine. I told her to give me 10! LOL The anesthesiologist positioned the ultra sound machine on my side and chest and proceeded to inject me with the nerve block. All I remember is saying "Ouch, Ouch, Ouch....and then I woke up in recovery!
My left breast was removed, I had two bumps on my chest and a very uncomfortable drain on my left side. I was in minimal pain because of all the drugs and found it really hard to stay awake. Jason finally came in to see me and told me that the surgery went better then Dr. Semple originally thought. I didn't need the cadaver skin (which was a huge accomplishment) which made the surgery only about 2.5 hours. After meeting all the discharge criteria, I was sent home around 4pm.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!
Upon arrival to the 8th floor, we quickly noticed that we were the only ones there. The reception was in darkness and all was quiet. Well that quickly changed! Two more patients arrived with their spouses and the nurses arrived then reception. I was the first to be called for registration and the nurse was waiting patiently for my hospital bands to be put on. She quickly took me into get changed and ask me questions about the surgery and give me prep drugs. She told me I could go back out to kiss Jason goodbye and then I needed to come back into the surgery area to be prepped. OMG!!! This was really happening!!! I quickly gave Jason a kiss, told him that I loved him and began to cry. What a flood of emotion! I was so nervous and scared that I couldn't stop sobbing...and then my pills kicked in and I became somewhat "mellow". Time for prep!!
Two nurses came out to the surgery waiting area (a second area after I left Jason) to get me ready. They took me to the back area and quickly started an IV. They explained that the anesthesiologist would be in to start the nerve block, Dr. Semple and Dr. Escallon would be in to "mark" me up and then I would be taken to surgery. All the interns and doctors came in and out and the nurse told me she was going to put something in my IV that would make me feel like I had a good glass of wine. I told her to give me 10! LOL The anesthesiologist positioned the ultra sound machine on my side and chest and proceeded to inject me with the nerve block. All I remember is saying "Ouch, Ouch, Ouch....and then I woke up in recovery!
My left breast was removed, I had two bumps on my chest and a very uncomfortable drain on my left side. I was in minimal pain because of all the drugs and found it really hard to stay awake. Jason finally came in to see me and told me that the surgery went better then Dr. Semple originally thought. I didn't need the cadaver skin (which was a huge accomplishment) which made the surgery only about 2.5 hours. After meeting all the discharge criteria, I was sent home around 4pm.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!
Monday, 18 August 2014
I Think I Can!
My sweetest Vera stopped by tonight and gave me such a thoughtful gift! A small little blue train with a message..."keep saying to yourself, I think I can, I think I can...and then before you know it, you'll be saying...I knew I could, I knew I could"! It's special friends like this that make me feel like I can do anything I set my mind to!
I received the call from the surgeon's office this morning with my appointment time. My surgery is scheduled to start at 8am and we are required to be there for 6:30am...so a very early morning for Jason and I. I have to shower tonight with a special soap and put fresh sheets on the bed and fresh clothes on. Then I have to repeat the process tomorrow morning and then try to pull on compression stockings....should be interesting at 4am!!
I am feeling not too bad this evening. Enjoying some last minute laughs with my kids and chatting with the in-laws. I went out shopping today to pick up a few items for the next couple of days and tried to clean the house a bit. Although my in-laws are here to help, I don't want it to be too much of a burden for them. I think I just need to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to sit and think about things.
So, this time tomorrow, I should be home resting and heavily drugged! LOL I will try to post something in the next couple of days, to let you all know how I am feeling and how my recovery is going.
Sorry this post is so short but I do have to get to bed and try to catch a few z's!
Onward and upward...here we go!
Be positive, be strong and please pray for an easy and fast recovery!
I received the call from the surgeon's office this morning with my appointment time. My surgery is scheduled to start at 8am and we are required to be there for 6:30am...so a very early morning for Jason and I. I have to shower tonight with a special soap and put fresh sheets on the bed and fresh clothes on. Then I have to repeat the process tomorrow morning and then try to pull on compression stockings....should be interesting at 4am!!
I am feeling not too bad this evening. Enjoying some last minute laughs with my kids and chatting with the in-laws. I went out shopping today to pick up a few items for the next couple of days and tried to clean the house a bit. Although my in-laws are here to help, I don't want it to be too much of a burden for them. I think I just need to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to sit and think about things.
So, this time tomorrow, I should be home resting and heavily drugged! LOL I will try to post something in the next couple of days, to let you all know how I am feeling and how my recovery is going.
Sorry this post is so short but I do have to get to bed and try to catch a few z's!
Onward and upward...here we go!
Be positive, be strong and please pray for an easy and fast recovery!
Friday, 15 August 2014
Anxiety Is A Debilitating Thing!
As I sit here listening to the kids playing outside, I am reminded of all the reasons why I have fought so hard to get to this point. Giggles, belly laughs and screaming are all sounds that I love to hear. My kids and my husband are what makes me get through the tough days. Although, they would say it's me that gets us all through.
I have been wound up so tight this past week that I feel like I am going to explode! I am severely anxious...I can't sleep and I am scared shitless of the changes that will take place on Tuesday. I am not really sure why I am so anxious about this surgery. I should be thrilled, ecstatic even...but I can't help but worry about all the what ifs! I am really focusing on the worse case scenarios and I can't seem to change my train of thought.
I feel like I am going through separation anxiety with the removal of my left breast! I don't know why I am feeling this way, especially since my last mammogram showed a 2mm x 1.5mm anomaly. I figured I would be gnawing at the bit to get this breast off but I am apprehensive as to how I am going to look. I know, I shouldn't worry about it...and, I already had this done to the right so I should be totally fine with it happening again. But I'm not! I guess the fear is of the unknown...what is it going to look like? What if they can't expand me to a suitable size? But then, what is a "suitable" size? Why are we so fixated on the breast? Is it just a sexual thing or is it because we associate the breast with the female body...like you only are a girl if you have boobs! Such crazy thoughts go through your mind when dealing with these types of surgery...but I keep telling myself that they are totally normal. I believe it's totally natural to worry about losing a body part, especially when that part makes you feel like a woman. It's very hard to separate the mind from the heart...I know in my heart that all the decisions I have made up to this point have been the best decisions to ensure that I am around for another 40+ years....but my mind is saying..."you're not going to look right." Funny how our mind can manipulate our feelings...crazy!
I am sure I will be posting again on Monday...might be a short one to let you all know how I am feeling going into this surgery.
Be strong, be positive and continue to pray for me...I've got another long road ahead of me!
I have been wound up so tight this past week that I feel like I am going to explode! I am severely anxious...I can't sleep and I am scared shitless of the changes that will take place on Tuesday. I am not really sure why I am so anxious about this surgery. I should be thrilled, ecstatic even...but I can't help but worry about all the what ifs! I am really focusing on the worse case scenarios and I can't seem to change my train of thought.
I feel like I am going through separation anxiety with the removal of my left breast! I don't know why I am feeling this way, especially since my last mammogram showed a 2mm x 1.5mm anomaly. I figured I would be gnawing at the bit to get this breast off but I am apprehensive as to how I am going to look. I know, I shouldn't worry about it...and, I already had this done to the right so I should be totally fine with it happening again. But I'm not! I guess the fear is of the unknown...what is it going to look like? What if they can't expand me to a suitable size? But then, what is a "suitable" size? Why are we so fixated on the breast? Is it just a sexual thing or is it because we associate the breast with the female body...like you only are a girl if you have boobs! Such crazy thoughts go through your mind when dealing with these types of surgery...but I keep telling myself that they are totally normal. I believe it's totally natural to worry about losing a body part, especially when that part makes you feel like a woman. It's very hard to separate the mind from the heart...I know in my heart that all the decisions I have made up to this point have been the best decisions to ensure that I am around for another 40+ years....but my mind is saying..."you're not going to look right." Funny how our mind can manipulate our feelings...crazy!
I am sure I will be posting again on Monday...might be a short one to let you all know how I am feeling going into this surgery.
Be strong, be positive and continue to pray for me...I've got another long road ahead of me!
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