Home And Recovering!

Well, I am finally home.  Was released yesterday around 10am and sent home with pain pills.  I had a couple of rough nights in the hospital due to my room mates and pain from the surgery. 

The surgery went well, a little longer than expected because the surgeon had a hard time getting some of my lymph nodes.  He decided to take more that he originally thought and did find one that was a bit large and hard.  He said it was quite difficult to get as it was attached to one of my veins.  I believe the final total was 7-10 lymph nodes.  I should be getting results within 2-3 weeks.

I am in a lot of discomfort today and have been taking my pain meds on a 4-6 hour interval.  I felt a little sick to my stomach this morning but I figure it was because I got up too quick.  Emotionally, I am hanging in there.  I have been told by my mom and Jason that I am doing very well.  They are quite impressed by how I am handling things. 

Just taking it day by day!

12 Hours And Counting!!

Well, it's almost time to start my recovery!

I didn't sleep well last night.  I am sure a lot of it was due to the tremendous thunder/lightening storm we had and Jason/Keil snoring next to me.  Moved to Keil's room and had a couple hours of good sleeping.  I am looking forward to crashing tonight...hopefully, I will sleep well!

Today I tried to keep busy with last minute errands, payed some bills and packed my bag for the hospital.  Didn't know what to pack really.  Definitely not a bra! LOL  Figure I will use the "large" bath robe that Cole made fun of yesterday.  It will keep me warm and the nurses say I need to keep my blood warm for surgery.  Don't know how that is possible when the place is so frigging cold!

Feeling very tired tonight.  I can't believe that this time tomorrow I will hopefully be on my way to recovery.  Hopefully I won't be in too much pain and will be able to tolerate Mom and Jason visiting.  I guess, starting tomorrow, I need to learn to say "No" or "I'm not up for that right now"!  It's going to be very hard for me to accept the fact that other people are going to be taking care of me.  I'm so used to taking care of everyone else and helping make everyone else happy!  It's what I do!

So, this may be the last time you hear from me until after my surgery.  I will try to update as soon as possible but will only be doing it when I feel well.

Stay positive, stay strong and please pray for me!

Very Anxious!

Today has been a very up and down day for me. 

Mom and I (and the boys) went out shopping this morning for things I will need in the hospital.  For some reason, I can't seem to find a bath robe that isn't just a cover up.  The nurses told me that I should have a very warm bath robe because the surgery area is very cold.  I do have one that I wore when I was preggers.  I came home and tried it on and Cole said "were you really fat when you wore that?"  I told him I was pregnant when I wore it.  He said "thought so, because it is very large on you...but I like the color!"  Cracks me up!  Cole keeps asking me if I still have my boob and when am I getting my new one.   I love what kids say!  They keep me smiling!

The boys are doing well and are looking forward to spending the weekend with Uncle Trevor, Aunt Julie, Brooke and Carter. 

Feeling a lot of anxiety today and a little tired.  I think things are starting to catch up with me.  I am still positive and looking forward to getting my surgery over with but I have the same fears and nervousness that anyone would have.  Kind of makes me feel sick to my stomach! 

Anyway, I know a lot of you are wondering how I am doing and I appreciate your phone calls, text messages and emails.  Unfortunately, I may not be able to get back to all of you.  Also, please don't be offended if you call and I don't want to talk or you leave a message and I don't respond.   I am just tired...not sad...just tired. :)

Be positive...be strong and please pray for me!  1 day, 14 hours and 18 minutes till surgery prep!

Appointment Day!

It was an early start to my day today.  I had an appointment with my surgeon at 7:30am and then Pre-op at 8:30am.  My appointment with the surgeon was to review all of the results again and review the procedure as well as some of the aftercare.   One of my questions for him was whether or not he felt I would require Chemotherapy after the surgery and he said for the size of my tumor, I would more than likely have 4-6 months of Chemo.  But I am just taking it one step at a time!  I will deal with Chemo when and if I have to.  For now, I am only thinking of the surgery on Friday.

The reality of it all is starting to sink in today.  When I met with the nurses (Charlotte and Liz) in Pre-op, they explained a little more in depth what to expect.  I will arrive at the hospital for 7:00am and pre register.  Then I will make my way to the Diagnositc Unit for an injection of dye that will help show all the areas that need to be removed.  The surgery will be at 1:30pm and take approximately 2 hours.  I will then have 1 hour in recovery.  If all goes well with my drainage tubes, I will be moved to a room for the night and released Saturday morning.  Seems a bit fast after surgery but I guess they figure if you are doing well, no sense of sitting in a hospital.

So now, I am going to spend the next couple of days enjoying my kids and my husband (and my boob of course) LOL.  I've had it for more than half of my life...I've kind of grown attached to it! :) 

Gearing Up!

Well, we are back from an awesome vacation and getting ready to deal with this week!  We had so much fun at home with family and friends.  I am missing everyone dearly and wish that it didn't have to end! :(  I am well rested today after a long day yesterday. 

My mother came back with us and will be staying with me for two weeks.  She will be able to watch the kids this week when I go to my appointments and the following week, she will be able to help with everything else.  My mother-in-law has decided to come and help too.  Plus, I have friends that are willing to make the trip to help out in my recovery!  I feel so loved!! :)

This week might be a bit different for my blog.  I have some appointments and of course my surgery.  I will be updating everyone on my appointments but may not be able to give updates on the surgery until I am home from the hospital and ready to type.  I am hoping that I might be able to do the one finger trick! LOL

Anyway, I had a call from my surgeon on Tuesday, while I was in NS.  Let me say, my surgeon and nurse are so wonderful.  My nurse called me a couple of times to see how I was feeling.  The day before leaving she had a somewhat long conversation with me, wondering how I was emotionally, wondering if my vacation was a good thing for me and wanting to hear the details of my vacation.  She is just a real great person.  I told her I wasn't sure how I would be emotionally after my surgery and she assured me that she would be there to help give me the strength.  Just makes me feel well taken care of!

I kind of got off track there, talking about my nurse but my surgeon is just as concerned and positive.  Like I said, he called me on Tuesday to give me very good news.  The biopsy came back from my lymph node and it was negative for cancer!  Woohoo!  It was like a huge weight that was lifted off my chest! (no pun intended) So the cancer has not spread to my lymph nodes but is contained in the breast.  He is going to still take one or two lymph nodes during my surgery (standard procedure) just to make sure it didn't spread.  But wow, what great news!  See, I do have lots of positive things going for me! 

I got a chance to ask him a lot of my questions and one was how he felt about taking my other breast during surgery.  He feels that it doesn't make sense to take it at this point.  He did say that another option would be to take it when I start my reconstruction.  So that is what I will do.  If I don't remove it,  I will worry about it for the rest of my life.  

Everyone have a great week, stay positive and pray for me please!

A Roller Coaster of Emotion

Sorry it's been so long since I posted anything.  I have been busy enjoying my vacation!  I am having a great time seeing family and friends and gearing up for what the next few weeks have in store for me.

Being positive is the most important thing for me and it is something that I have focused on since I found this horrible thing!  It's amazing how many emotions you go through after being diagnosed.  My doctor was concerned that if I went home to Nova Scotia, there would be people that would bring me down.  She told me that I have such a positive outlook that she didn't want an ounce of negativity to change that.  She told me I was young, strong and a fighter...well that is what I am!

I have had a couple of really bad days on vacation...crying at the drop of a hat...feeling like I just needed to be alone...feeling sorry for myself...and of course, dealing with people telling me all the negatives.  But for me, I am only focusing on the positive.  I am young, strong, healthy (besides the obvious) and I found it early.  One of my friends said "Cancer picked the wrong Easter Coaster to deal with"...isn't that the truth!!  Another said "You're a MacKeil, you have the fight and determination that no one else has!"  All these "positive" words are what helps me get through this.  Jason said, "for every negative comment that comes our way, we are going to grab it, stomp on it, and consider it one step closer to beating this thing!"  He is so sweet and positive!  Don't know what I would do without him!

You know, I really believe that if you surround yourself with positive thoughts and people, you can do anything!  ...and that is what I must do!  So, if anyone is feeling like telling me a story about someone that had breast cancer and didn't make it or had complications, please keep your comments to yourself!  I am not them, my cancer is not the same and my body is not the same!  I am not sure why some people feel the urge to tell you all the bad and never focus on the good.  Sometimes I think they do it so that when you start to get upset, they can console you to feel better themselves.  If they only realized that they were the ones that upset you in the first place.  But then if they had the smarts to realize they were the ones that upset you, then they should have the smarts to not upset you...get my point?

I told everyone from the beginning that this would be my page for updates, venting and just writing about my journey.  Tonight seems to be a night for venting! LOL

One final note before I shut down for the night...stay positive, be positive and know that together we can get one step closer to beating this thing!

Word Travels

My poor Mother!  Got a call last night that the word is out in my small little town.  She is stressed that the people that should know about my situation don't.  I chose to wait until I arrived home for vacation to tell the rest of my family in person but some how, a little birdy spoke and the community listened!  ...and we all know how fast word spreads in a small group...and we also know how the story can change a million times.  This blog was meant for immediate family members and some of my very close friends here in Ontario.  But somehow, the word got out that I started a blog and well, you know the rest.  I am not upset that this has happened.  Just a little disappointed that I didn't get to tell the people that I love and that they had to hear it from an acquaintance.  Oh well...that was my vent for the day!

So, we are getting ready to head home on vacation!  The boys are excited to see everyone and have some beach time.  Jason and I are somewhat excited...but a little apprehensive too.  You see, the boys don't know what is going on with me.  We have chosen not to tell them until it is absolutely necessary.  How do you tell two little boys that are just excited to be on summer vacation?  Keil, he tends to carry the world on his shoulders.  Cole, well he just goes with the flow.  That's his personality but he is so sensitive. In fact, both boys are sensitive.  I just don't want them to have a crappy vacation worrying about me.  I know kids are resilient but when it's their mom that is going through something, they tend to stick close and have the face of worry. 

My biggest fear is that they will find out when we are home, and that would devastate them.  So, I think Jason and I are forced to tell them before we come...all because of a little birdy!  

Decisions, Decisions!!

It's so hard to think that as a woman, you are faced with losing one of the things that makes you feel like a woman. 

What are boobs really?  Just an extension of your chest?  No they really are more than that, they provided nourishment to both my boys for six months each!  I suffered through mastitis, thrush and numerous bites and tugs!  But at the end of the day, now that I know I will have no more children, they are really just a  flap of skin filled with fluid, glands, lymph nodes and tissue.  Yes, they are still a part of me but they don't define who I am.  Do they make me beautiful?  No, not really.  They may add to my beauty but they are not the end all in my beauty.  I am beautiful because I am a loving, caring wife, mother and friend. 

Now, I say all this because I do have to make the decision to remove just the tumor or remove my whole right breast.  It's not an easy decision to make but like the doctor said, go with your gut and what it is telling you.  My initial gut, after hearing what the doctor had to say, was get rid of the whole thing.  It was my initial, middle and end.  I have decided that for me, removal of my entire breast is what is going to make me beautiful.  It is going to be a hard adjustment but for peace of mind, it's what will suit me best.  Sure it will be a huge adjustment for Jason, since he is a "boob man" (he is going to kill me for writing this).  But even Jason is thinking about the possibilities of what can be after this surgery.  Do they make size "H"?  LOL 

All I know is that I have to have fun with this and keep positive.  Sure there are going to be days that are hard and I am not going to be strong but I am hopeful that there are more days of happiness than sadness.  It takes a solid family structure to get through something like this.  Supporting, loving, caring for each other and letting each other cry, be angry when we need to.  But at the end of the day, we are all going through this, not just me and we need to stick together!  I have the best family in the world...both immediate and extended!

We will get through this....together!

The Beginning

Almost three weeks ago, my life changed forever.  I found a lump in my right breast.

After finding the lump on a Wednesday night, I immediately called my family doctor the next morning and was able to get an appointment that day.    After my appointment, a furry of appointments and tests started.   I was scheduled for a mammogram and ultrasound.  Within days, my doctor called with the results.  My mammogram showed a 2.8cm lump in my right breast and the ultrasound had features that were "suspicious".  My doctor then scheduled me to see a surgeon at the Breast Assessment Unit of Credit Valley Hospital.    

On Friday, June 29^th, I met with the surgeon who told me that he is almost positive that the lump I have is malignant.  I guess because he sees this all the time, he knew by the look and feel that it wasn't something good.  He took a biopsy of my breast and lymph nodes and sent them off to pathology.  Because he is so sure it is cancer, he has scheduled me for surgery on July 27^th.  

...and so my journey begins!