It's been a few days and I figured enough time has passed for me to give a second opinion on my results.
A couple of things....first, I am noticing a little difference when the swelling subsides and feel that I could get used to what I have. Second, my radiated side is the side that I am most concerned about. My implant appears to be, for lack of a better word, a lump on my chest. I feel that there is minimal contour shape and that it appears to be sitting low. Which leads me to my next concern...I am not sure if you all remember in the beginning of my reconstruction process, I mentioned that the surgeon may have to use Alloderm (donated skin) to make a "hammock" to hold the implant. When I had my surgery in August to put in the expanders, Dr. Semple felt that my skin and muscle were both in great condition and could accommodate the expander/implant without using the Alloderm. At the time, I was relieved that I wouldn't need it because the recovery time is a lot longer and there might be a possibility of rejection. Now that the implant is in, it appears to be lower than the left side and I am hoping that this is not a result of not using the Alloderm. Just something else to think about.
I've had a rough week. I seem to be getting back to myself, which sometimes I think is a curse because everyone expects too much from you when they see you are doing so well. Jason admitted that last night. He forgets that I had surgery less than a week ago because I am able to do things for myself. He's such a great guy...cute, funny and is always trying to make me laugh. Back to my week...I know this is too much information but I have been severely constipated all week from the drugs. I have been taking Colace, Restoralax, Prune Juice, drinking loads of water and even tried a quick walk around the block with Jason and had no relief. Finally, on Saturday night before bed, I took Senokot and got relief yesterday. Now today, I am feeling bloated and constipated again...ugh, narcotics and surgery just take a terrible toll on your body...but unfortunately, they go hand in hand! From now on, I will make sure that I start Colace at least two days before surgery. This has been the worst experience with this, so far.
My in laws are here once again, to help me with the kids and meals. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. They have always, without hesitation, planned to come for all of my surgeries and treatments. They spent two weeks with me after my initial surgery (until we all had to fly home for Mom's funeral), they spent a month with us during my final treatments, they spent a month with us after my expander surgery and now they are here for another three weeks. I know they are retired (my mother in law is just newly retired) but to take the time out of their lives to help me out, really shows their awesome character. They have been a part of my life for over 25 years and I call them Mom and Dad....because that's what they are to me....like my second set of parents! Can't imagine doing any of this without their love, support and encouragement!
Next entry, I will post pictures. I just need to be comfortable with my new tatas before showing people. ;)
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!
Monday, 13 April 2015
Friday, 10 April 2015
The Day I've Been Waiting For!
Well, April 7th has come and gone and I was the first on the surgery docket!
We had to be at the hospital for 6:30am for registration. So, Jason and I were up early and on the road by 5:15am. We were anticipating traffic and closures due to construction. Downtown Toronto is a nightmare with closures all over the place and with so many one way streets, we figured we would likely get lost if we ran into any areas that we don't normally travel. We arrived at the hospital around 5:55am and had to wait 5 minutes for the parking garage doors to open. Jason didn't fall asleep on me this time so we chatted about our recent trip to Cuba. We were obviously trying to take our minds off the surgery! Which wasn't working...at least it wasn't for me. I was a nervous wreck!!
We went to the 8th floor and registered. I was taken in to be accessed and prepped for surgery. At that point, I had to say goodbye to Jason and leave him to go back to the truck to get some sleep and wait for the nurse to call him when I was in the recovery room. Dr. Semple met me after I changed into my gown and got my dose of Tylenol. He took me back to the "mark up" room and had three interns with him. He discussed my case with them and asked me if I had any questions. I told him that I just wanted to make sure I got my stripper boobs and he laughed....I was serious!! Anyway, he marked me up with cleavage, areas where he would do some skin release and where he wanted my breasts to fall. After seeing him, my nerves seemed to disappear until the anesthesiologist came in to discuss what she would be doing. Once I was taken into the surgery room, I was introduced to my team...Cecilia, Andrea, Dr. Trap, Dr. Armstrong and two others (I didn't catch their names). The Anesthesiologist took my hand and quickly found my vein. Dr. Semple quickly took my other hand and held it tight while rubbing my arm and forehead, to calm me down. He spoke in such a soft, relaxing tone which helped a lot. All I remember him saying was "here comes your Pina Colada!" I have to say...that is the best sleep EVER!!!
I was so worried about the final results of the surgery...all I could think about was "would I be happy with the final results?" I felt like I had so many questions to ask and no time to find the answers. I knew that I was happy with the size of my expanders but what if my implants were totally different from them. I knew that they would be different to some degree but I didn't really know how I would look. The doctors have always told me to have realistic expectations and I have tried to keep an open mind and realistic view of my progress. I thought I was doing well with that part of the process therefore, when I had my surgery, I figured they would look like my expanders...or close to it.
I am now three days post op and I am finding it difficult to "like" my implants. It may sound selfish to a lot of you but until you walk a day in my shoes, you truly can't know the disappointing feeling of looking down and seeing something that you weren't expecting. I know that I am swollen, I know that I have some bandages, I know that I am only three days out, and I know that they will need to settle but what I see is nothing near what my expanders were. This makes it really hard for me to keep that realistic outlook. I know I should be happy that I have wonderful doctors that were able to give me "the appearance" of a female body but I am a bit disappointed in the results. I shouldn't be really thinking this way because so many factors have to determine what the final product will look like. I just feel like my breasts were taken from me due to cancer, then I slowly got them back again and felt comfortable in my own skin and now they are "changed" again. I don't mean for this to be a downer blog but I always said I would write my true feelings and this is how I am feeling now. Not to say that next week I will be fully estatic with my implants, but at this moment, I am not overly happy with them. I know that Dr. Semple would be very disappointed to hear me say that because we had such a great relationship and I was always so open as to what I wanted. In fact, this is no reflection on Dr. Semples work or team. It is solely my own feelings...and like I said, I may have a totally different view when the swelling has gone down, bandages are off and I get rid of some of the surgery bloat.
I will continue to update over the next few days. I believe I told you all before that I have volunteered to be part of a study so I was sent home with a smart phone and asked to complete a survey daily and take pictures of my incisions. Once I do that, I sync my phone with the hospital server and Dr. Semple has all my information on his computer immediately. It's quite a technological advancement! Crazy...in a way! So, I will not have a follow up with Dr. Semple until the end of April, unless he sees something he isn't happy with.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!
We had to be at the hospital for 6:30am for registration. So, Jason and I were up early and on the road by 5:15am. We were anticipating traffic and closures due to construction. Downtown Toronto is a nightmare with closures all over the place and with so many one way streets, we figured we would likely get lost if we ran into any areas that we don't normally travel. We arrived at the hospital around 5:55am and had to wait 5 minutes for the parking garage doors to open. Jason didn't fall asleep on me this time so we chatted about our recent trip to Cuba. We were obviously trying to take our minds off the surgery! Which wasn't working...at least it wasn't for me. I was a nervous wreck!!
We went to the 8th floor and registered. I was taken in to be accessed and prepped for surgery. At that point, I had to say goodbye to Jason and leave him to go back to the truck to get some sleep and wait for the nurse to call him when I was in the recovery room. Dr. Semple met me after I changed into my gown and got my dose of Tylenol. He took me back to the "mark up" room and had three interns with him. He discussed my case with them and asked me if I had any questions. I told him that I just wanted to make sure I got my stripper boobs and he laughed....I was serious!! Anyway, he marked me up with cleavage, areas where he would do some skin release and where he wanted my breasts to fall. After seeing him, my nerves seemed to disappear until the anesthesiologist came in to discuss what she would be doing. Once I was taken into the surgery room, I was introduced to my team...Cecilia, Andrea, Dr. Trap, Dr. Armstrong and two others (I didn't catch their names). The Anesthesiologist took my hand and quickly found my vein. Dr. Semple quickly took my other hand and held it tight while rubbing my arm and forehead, to calm me down. He spoke in such a soft, relaxing tone which helped a lot. All I remember him saying was "here comes your Pina Colada!" I have to say...that is the best sleep EVER!!!
I was so worried about the final results of the surgery...all I could think about was "would I be happy with the final results?" I felt like I had so many questions to ask and no time to find the answers. I knew that I was happy with the size of my expanders but what if my implants were totally different from them. I knew that they would be different to some degree but I didn't really know how I would look. The doctors have always told me to have realistic expectations and I have tried to keep an open mind and realistic view of my progress. I thought I was doing well with that part of the process therefore, when I had my surgery, I figured they would look like my expanders...or close to it.
I am now three days post op and I am finding it difficult to "like" my implants. It may sound selfish to a lot of you but until you walk a day in my shoes, you truly can't know the disappointing feeling of looking down and seeing something that you weren't expecting. I know that I am swollen, I know that I have some bandages, I know that I am only three days out, and I know that they will need to settle but what I see is nothing near what my expanders were. This makes it really hard for me to keep that realistic outlook. I know I should be happy that I have wonderful doctors that were able to give me "the appearance" of a female body but I am a bit disappointed in the results. I shouldn't be really thinking this way because so many factors have to determine what the final product will look like. I just feel like my breasts were taken from me due to cancer, then I slowly got them back again and felt comfortable in my own skin and now they are "changed" again. I don't mean for this to be a downer blog but I always said I would write my true feelings and this is how I am feeling now. Not to say that next week I will be fully estatic with my implants, but at this moment, I am not overly happy with them. I know that Dr. Semple would be very disappointed to hear me say that because we had such a great relationship and I was always so open as to what I wanted. In fact, this is no reflection on Dr. Semples work or team. It is solely my own feelings...and like I said, I may have a totally different view when the swelling has gone down, bandages are off and I get rid of some of the surgery bloat.
I will continue to update over the next few days. I believe I told you all before that I have volunteered to be part of a study so I was sent home with a smart phone and asked to complete a survey daily and take pictures of my incisions. Once I do that, I sync my phone with the hospital server and Dr. Semple has all my information on his computer immediately. It's quite a technological advancement! Crazy...in a way! So, I will not have a follow up with Dr. Semple until the end of April, unless he sees something he isn't happy with.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!
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