I'm feeling a bit down on myself today. I think all this sitting around doing nothing, is starting to get to me.
I have worked so hard over the past year to lose some weight and tone up a bit. It's difficult being on Tamoxifen because it makes it harder to lose the weight, especially around the middle! I was finally to a point where I was happy with my body and knew that if I could maintain the way I looked, I would be ok with that. Then surgery came and the weeks of not being allowed to exercise followed! It's so frustrating!!
Cancer takes such an emotional toll on your body! I can't even explain to you how I have moments of "thank God I am here, who cares what I look like" to "OMG, why can't I just be back to myself". It's an endless battle and I am tired of fighting. Deep inside, I know that I will never look the way I did before all this, but I try to hold onto some hope that I will be that skinny, two boobed girl I once was! Sometimes I hate myself for focusing so much on how I look instead of all the positives in my life. I guess everyone has their days and I can honestly say that I have way more positive ones then negative. It just sucks sometimes and I feel like I am tired of being strong! Sorry, I needed to vent!! Enough with the pity party! ;)
Yesterday, I went for my second fill with Helen. She filled my radiated side first to see how much it could tolerate...she was able to put in 35 cc's this time. The fill was a little better this time...although today I am quite sore and tight. Helen said that my skin (on the radiated side) looks good and is very soft. I have been putting Glaxol cream on it everyday, trying to keep it moisturized and supple. Dr. Semple recommended that I keep it very moisturized during this process as it will help with the stretching and healing. So, I have a tiny bit of "cleavage" now! I am excited to see the progression from flat chested to having "cleavage". I just wish the process didn't take so long...that's how I am feeling today and I know tomorrow will be totally different!!
I am still not allowed to exercise, lift anything over 10lbs or elevate my blood pressure/heart rate! I must admit, this week I did have moments that my blood pressure elevated and maybe I lifted some things that I shouldn't have. My body quickly told me to stop and take it easy...and I humbly obliged!
My next fill is October 8! I have a total of 180 cc's now!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray! Next month is Breast Cancer Awareness month! Please make a donation to help find a cure for this terrible disease!
Thursday, 25 September 2014
Tuesday, 16 September 2014
Fill Number 1!!
Sorry it's been a bit since my last post but I've been very fortunate to have my in-laws and best friend here to help me out and I was focusing on my visit with them. I am truly blessed to have a wonderful extended family who has supported me through this entire journey. I can count on my in-laws to be here at the drop of a hat. My best friend, Cara, is always putting her life on hold to come and help out but mainly to take my mind off things. It's nice to just have someone here to talk to when you can't do anything but sit and heal.
Last Wednesday, I had my follow up with Dr. Semple and my first expander fill. Jason took the day off work to come with me so we could see what the process was going to be like and how long my future appointments might be. Dr. Semple was very happy with my progress (considering last time he saw me I was in a wheel chair feeling very weak and blah!) He gave my nurse the go ahead to start the filling process.
Helen prepped me in the room and explained what the process was going to be like. She also showed me what the expanders look like as well as showed me the type of implant that Dr. Semple will use during my transfer surgery. It was a little overwhelming...not in a bad way but in an exciting way!!! Being able to actually see and hold the implant and envision what I will look like when all this is done, made me giddy like a little girl!! My expanders are simply an empty implant with a titanium port through which they inject saline to slowly fill the "sack", if you will! They are a slightly different shape from the actual implant because they are required to expand a bigger area than the implant will consume. This will enable Dr. Semple to have more room and movement to work with during the final surgery so that the final results will be natural.
Once I asked my many questions and felt comfortable enough to start, Helen cleaned my chest with antiseptic and started to get ready to fill. Once she locates the port, she uses a small tool to mark an "X" at the middle position. This is where the needle will be inserted. She had a syringe filled with 50cc's of saline solution but felt that my chest was still a little to "fresh" from the surgery to insert the entire contents. So, she only put in half. She started with my left side, which is my new mastectomy side. She said that I may feel pressure and a small pinch. I can honestly say I didn't feel anything. All I could feel was the cool saline filling my chest...a little weird! Then she proceeded to my right breast. Not such a pleasant experience. Because my blood vessels are so close to the surface on my right side, when she inserted the needle I could feel a lot of pain and pressure. I could tolerate it but it was uncomfortable. The entire process only took about 10 minutes from start to finish and I only had minimal tightness in my chest...and so it begins!! Woohoo!! My first fill complete!!
On a very positive note...my pathology report came back and it is entirely CLEAR!!!! Woohoo...I am feeling like things are really starting to turn around for us!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for all those afflicted with this terrible disease.
Last Wednesday, I had my follow up with Dr. Semple and my first expander fill. Jason took the day off work to come with me so we could see what the process was going to be like and how long my future appointments might be. Dr. Semple was very happy with my progress (considering last time he saw me I was in a wheel chair feeling very weak and blah!) He gave my nurse the go ahead to start the filling process.
Helen prepped me in the room and explained what the process was going to be like. She also showed me what the expanders look like as well as showed me the type of implant that Dr. Semple will use during my transfer surgery. It was a little overwhelming...not in a bad way but in an exciting way!!! Being able to actually see and hold the implant and envision what I will look like when all this is done, made me giddy like a little girl!! My expanders are simply an empty implant with a titanium port through which they inject saline to slowly fill the "sack", if you will! They are a slightly different shape from the actual implant because they are required to expand a bigger area than the implant will consume. This will enable Dr. Semple to have more room and movement to work with during the final surgery so that the final results will be natural.
Once I asked my many questions and felt comfortable enough to start, Helen cleaned my chest with antiseptic and started to get ready to fill. Once she locates the port, she uses a small tool to mark an "X" at the middle position. This is where the needle will be inserted. She had a syringe filled with 50cc's of saline solution but felt that my chest was still a little to "fresh" from the surgery to insert the entire contents. So, she only put in half. She started with my left side, which is my new mastectomy side. She said that I may feel pressure and a small pinch. I can honestly say I didn't feel anything. All I could feel was the cool saline filling my chest...a little weird! Then she proceeded to my right breast. Not such a pleasant experience. Because my blood vessels are so close to the surface on my right side, when she inserted the needle I could feel a lot of pain and pressure. I could tolerate it but it was uncomfortable. The entire process only took about 10 minutes from start to finish and I only had minimal tightness in my chest...and so it begins!! Woohoo!! My first fill complete!!
On a very positive note...my pathology report came back and it is entirely CLEAR!!!! Woohoo...I am feeling like things are really starting to turn around for us!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for all those afflicted with this terrible disease.
Friday, 5 September 2014
Blessed With A Great Team!!
**WARNING PICTURES**
I am healing slow and steady...and they always say that's what wins the race!!
I had my follow up appointment on Wednesday with my nurse, Helen. What a sweet heart of a lady! I really couldn't have asked for a better team going through this journey. Each and every person whom I have dealt with, has made me feel safe, informed, at ease and important. I was never just another patient or number in an endless flow of cancer victims. I only had one doctor that was a true ass and he was a plastic surgeon who only worked on "plastic patients"!!! My visit with him was extremely short and not very sweet! I guess I had to meet with him to really appreciate my plastic surgeon...who is compassionate, has empathy for each patient and treats you like you're family. He truly cares!!
Anywho....so, met with Helen and she removed my steri-strips to reveal my incisions! "Wow"...was what she said! "Wow"...in a good way :) One incision under my right breast, was barely visible. The meticulous closure of that incision by Dr. Semple was proof that he cared about the end result in this journey. My left breast was removed through my nipple (with the nipple being removed as well). The incision is across my breast area and is a little more visible but it still looks good! I was shocked when I looked in the mirror! Such precision and care by my surgeons makes this process all the more worth while. I don't feel like a butchered mess, which I know was weighing on my mind before the surgery.
Helen took the time to sit with me and answer my long list of questions. I was making a list over the previous two weeks and was hoping that she would have the time to answer all of them...and she did! Can I sleep on my side? Yes, when you are comfortable. My heart is racing and I feel short of breath, is this normal? Yes, you are of small stature and your chest is small. The expander is placed under your muscle and is taking up space that your body is not used to giving up. Do deep breathing exercises on a daily basis and make sure that you are opening up your chest by correcting your posture. Can I have MRI's, X-ray's and CT scans? Your expanders are titanium based and may alter the results of the MRI testing. Please make sure you check with the technicians before having the tests. My skin seems to be very dry, can I moisturize my chest area? Absolutely, you should be doing that during the entire process. Use a fragrance free moisturizer similar to what you used during your radiation treatments. When can I start exercising? You can start taking small walks but don't elevate your heart rate too much. It is very important that you don't lift anything over 5lbs and that you don't elevate your blood pressure. That means no heated discussions, no stress, no heavy lifting, no chores that could increase your heart rate. Sit back and let people do it for you until at least 6 weeks, then you can start slowly getting back into routine. So, for those of you who know me, you know I can't sit still for too long. I don't like asking for help and I think that I am super woman and can do anything! It has to be the hardest thing to do....slow down! ;)
The appointment was overall a very good appointment. Helen booked me in for next Wednesday, September 10 to meet with Dr. Semple and to have my first expander fill. Eeek!!! It's really happening!!
Pathology report is not back yet on the left breast. Results should be shortly.
I am positive, I am strong and I pray everyday for the blessed life I have!
Expanders were filled to 120cc's during surgery.
I am healing slow and steady...and they always say that's what wins the race!!
I had my follow up appointment on Wednesday with my nurse, Helen. What a sweet heart of a lady! I really couldn't have asked for a better team going through this journey. Each and every person whom I have dealt with, has made me feel safe, informed, at ease and important. I was never just another patient or number in an endless flow of cancer victims. I only had one doctor that was a true ass and he was a plastic surgeon who only worked on "plastic patients"!!! My visit with him was extremely short and not very sweet! I guess I had to meet with him to really appreciate my plastic surgeon...who is compassionate, has empathy for each patient and treats you like you're family. He truly cares!!
Anywho....so, met with Helen and she removed my steri-strips to reveal my incisions! "Wow"...was what she said! "Wow"...in a good way :) One incision under my right breast, was barely visible. The meticulous closure of that incision by Dr. Semple was proof that he cared about the end result in this journey. My left breast was removed through my nipple (with the nipple being removed as well). The incision is across my breast area and is a little more visible but it still looks good! I was shocked when I looked in the mirror! Such precision and care by my surgeons makes this process all the more worth while. I don't feel like a butchered mess, which I know was weighing on my mind before the surgery.
Helen took the time to sit with me and answer my long list of questions. I was making a list over the previous two weeks and was hoping that she would have the time to answer all of them...and she did! Can I sleep on my side? Yes, when you are comfortable. My heart is racing and I feel short of breath, is this normal? Yes, you are of small stature and your chest is small. The expander is placed under your muscle and is taking up space that your body is not used to giving up. Do deep breathing exercises on a daily basis and make sure that you are opening up your chest by correcting your posture. Can I have MRI's, X-ray's and CT scans? Your expanders are titanium based and may alter the results of the MRI testing. Please make sure you check with the technicians before having the tests. My skin seems to be very dry, can I moisturize my chest area? Absolutely, you should be doing that during the entire process. Use a fragrance free moisturizer similar to what you used during your radiation treatments. When can I start exercising? You can start taking small walks but don't elevate your heart rate too much. It is very important that you don't lift anything over 5lbs and that you don't elevate your blood pressure. That means no heated discussions, no stress, no heavy lifting, no chores that could increase your heart rate. Sit back and let people do it for you until at least 6 weeks, then you can start slowly getting back into routine. So, for those of you who know me, you know I can't sit still for too long. I don't like asking for help and I think that I am super woman and can do anything! It has to be the hardest thing to do....slow down! ;)
The appointment was overall a very good appointment. Helen booked me in for next Wednesday, September 10 to meet with Dr. Semple and to have my first expander fill. Eeek!!! It's really happening!!
Pathology report is not back yet on the left breast. Results should be shortly.
I am positive, I am strong and I pray everyday for the blessed life I have!
Expanders were filled to 120cc's during surgery.
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