Friday It Is!!

This keeps getting better and better...not!! 

Yesterday, I had a follow up appointment with my Oncologist to review my test results from last week.  The heart scan showed that I am functioning normally with an Ejection fraction of 65% (which normal healthy adults have between 50% - 65%).  So I guess that means my heart will withstand the injections of Herceptin.  They will still do a heart scan every couple of months to make sure that doesn't change too much.  Results from my CT scan weren't so favorable.  The scan showed two "complex cystic lesions" on my liver.  Now I already have an hemangioma that they are watching every couple of years but now it appears that I have two other structures that they are concerned about.  One measures 1.4cm and the other is 1.2cm.  Not to say this is cancer but they are sending me for an MRI next week to help determine what exactly these things are.  Once again, I felt like I was kicked in the stomach. 

I find it sometimes hard to deal with all this.  To be totally honest, I am scared shitless! (spell check says that is not a word...but I am going to use it because that's what a MacKeil would do) LOL  I try to be strong everyday and make my life as normal as possible.  I try to take it one day at a time but often find myself looking at the big picture...and not necessarily liking what I see.  But, then something slaps me in the face (could be both Mom and Dad) and tells me "stop being so foolish" and "stop thinking that way"! 

A little side note, on my way home from the hospital (I was alone because Jason figured it would be just reviewing things and we both thought he didn't need to be there) I cried and prayed to Mom and Dad to help protect and save me from all this.  I asked them to give me a sign that everything was going to be ok.  When I got home and had my 1/2 hour cry...I looked out my window and there it was...my sign...a big beautiful rainbow.  For any of you that don't see the significance in that.  When my father died, his mother (my grandmother) looked out her window and a big rainbow was over our property.  So she knew that he had passed.  Also, when Dad was really sick, he would look out the front window and when he saw a rainbow, he would comment on how beautiful it was and would ask me to take a picture.  So, rainbows are very special to me and my siblings.  It's our way of knowing that our Dad (and now Mom) are with us.  Oh, and yesterday was 14 years since Dad passed.  I feel like I had multiple signs yesterday!  So, all that being said, once again, I pull up my boots and trudge on...come hell or high water, I am going to get through this...or a least give the fight of my life trying! 

I asked my Oncologist yesterday..."what are my chances, given all that you are seeing in these tests and reports?"...she responded, "you are going to be fine...it's not going to be easy, but you are going to be fine".  She just wants to find out what these "suspicious, complex lesions" on my liver are, then she can take care of things as need be.

So, now for the rest of the week!  Tomorrow morning I go to get my Port-A-Cath inserted.  They are going to give me a drug that just makes me "unaware" of what is going on.  Can they give me that drug for the next year?...just a thought! :)  The original plan was to give my Chemo immediately after the insertion but they feel that things might run behind and rather than being rushed, they figure that it would be better to wait until Friday; which Friday was my day of choice for Chemo.  I figure that Jason is taking my Chemo days off and then he will be home with me for probably my two worst days before he has to go back to work.  So Friday, September 21st, it is!!

Be strong, stay positive and keep praying for me!  Love you all!! <3