Blessed With A Great Team!!

**WARNING PICTURES**

I am healing slow and steady...and they always say that's what wins the race!!

I had my follow up appointment on Wednesday with my nurse, Helen.  What a sweet heart of a lady!  I really couldn't have asked for a better team going through this journey.  Each and every person whom I have dealt with, has made me feel safe, informed, at ease and important.  I was never just another patient or number in an endless flow of cancer victims.  I only had one doctor that was a true ass and he was a plastic surgeon who only worked on "plastic patients"!!!  My visit with him was extremely short and not very sweet!  I guess I had to meet with him to really appreciate my plastic surgeon...who is compassionate, has empathy for each patient and treats you like you're family.  He truly cares!!

Anywho....so, met with Helen and she removed my steri-strips to reveal my incisions!  "Wow"...was what she said!  "Wow"...in a good way :)  One incision under my right breast, was barely visible.  The meticulous closure of that incision by Dr. Semple was proof that he cared about the end result in this journey.  My left breast was removed through my nipple (with the nipple being removed as well).  The incision is across my breast area and is a little more visible but it still looks good!  I was shocked when I looked in the mirror!  Such precision and care by my surgeons makes this process all the more worth while.  I don't feel like a butchered mess, which I know was weighing on my mind before the surgery.

Helen took the time to sit with me and answer my long list of questions.  I was making a list over the previous two weeks and was hoping that she would have the time to answer all of them...and she did!  Can I sleep on my side?  Yes, when you are comfortable.  My heart is racing and I feel short of breath, is this normal?  Yes, you are of small stature and your chest is small.  The expander is placed under your muscle and is taking up space that your body is not used to giving up.  Do deep breathing exercises on a daily basis and make sure that you are opening up your chest by correcting your posture.  Can I have MRI's, X-ray's and CT scans?  Your expanders are titanium based and may alter the results of the MRI testing.  Please make sure you check with the technicians before having the tests.  My skin seems to be very dry, can I moisturize my chest area?  Absolutely, you should be doing that during the entire process.  Use a fragrance free moisturizer similar to what you used during your radiation treatments.  When can I start exercising?  You can start taking small walks but don't elevate your heart rate too much.  It is very important that you don't lift anything over 5lbs and that you don't elevate your blood pressure.  That means no heated discussions, no stress, no heavy lifting, no chores that could increase your heart rate.  Sit back and let people do it for you until at least 6 weeks, then you can start slowly getting back into routine.  So, for those of you who know me, you know I can't sit still for too long.  I don't like asking for help and I think that I am super woman and can do anything!  It has to be the hardest thing to do....slow down! ;)

The appointment was overall a very good appointment.  Helen booked me in for next Wednesday, September 10 to meet with Dr. Semple and to have my first expander fill.  Eeek!!!  It's really happening!! 

Pathology report is not back yet on the left breast.  Results should be shortly.

I am positive, I am strong and I pray everyday for the blessed life I have!

Expanders were filled to 120cc's during surgery.

Family Is Everything!!

I have a wonderful support group of friends and family!

Jason's Mom and Dad have been here for almost a month helping us out.  I honestly don't know what I would have done without them!  They have helped with the kids, made meals and Jason's Dad has been doing a lot of small projects around the house...saving Jason from trying to get them done before we sell the house next year.  It has been a tremendous help and we so appreciate everything they have done for us. 

Things have been going slow but smooth so far.  I am starting to be able to reach into cupboards and open the fridge...which I am sure you are thinking, that is easy enough to do, but trust me...it's not!  Movement is very limited and even the simple tasks prove to be a challenge.  I find myself comparing my recovery to my previous mastectomy, which is different because I had lymph nodes removed with that surgery.  I even find that showering is hard.  I have to bow my head to shampoo my hair!  Small steps! :)

My chest is feeling quite tight and I feel a sensation of a "foreign" object in my body!  I am worried that this is what I am going to feel for the next 6 months.  It is extremely uncomfortable and I find that by the end of the day, my back is sore from trying to hold myself from the odd jolt of discomfort.  I am sure that I am only feeling this way because I am only two weeks out of surgery.  Just not a feeling I want to have for possibly 4-6 months.  Ugh!

My next appointment is on Wednesday to meet with my nurse at Women's College Hospital.  She will check my incisions and make sure everything is healing properly and she will also discuss my next steps.  Looking forward to getting this show on the road!!

Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!!

A Week Of Healing!!

This post was written last week but I forgot to post! :)

Oh what a week!  I will say that this was not the easiest surgery!!

After returning home on Tuesday evening I was sore, irritable, and emotional.  I was high on drugs and tired from being poked.  I slept most of the night only waking for my pain meds and to use the washroom.  Jason is my hero...taking time off work to take care of me, waking up during the night to help me to the washroom, making sure I had my pain meds and antibiotics at the right intervals.  I honestly don't know what I would do without him!

As each day passed, I was feeling a bit better but still had my moments of emotion, pain, weakness, and feeling of being sick.  On Friday, I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Semple.  When I arrived at the hospital his secretary Leslie, came out to get me and she almost fell over when she saw me.  She said that she is so used to seeing a bubbly, outgoing, happy, talkative patient that seeing me sitting in a wheel chair, barely able to lift my head was a shock!  I felt like I had been hit by a truck...and I've been hit by a car before so I know what it feels like! ;)  Dr. Semple took me right away and calmly told me that I am doing amazing!  He has such a way of making you feel calm and reassured.  He is mild mannered and full of hope and comfort!  He told me I was going to be just fine and that my surgery went really well.  My left breast was removed and taken to pathology for careful examination to ensure there was no further cancer. (Results will be back in two weeks)  There were no complications at all with the surgery...in fact, it couldn't have gone smoother!  Exactly what I wanted to hear!!

The weekend was a bit better and I was seeing small improvements.  I could get up out of bed on my own, go to the bathroom on my own and sponge bath on my own.  My drain was starting to slow down (which is exciting to see) so I knew it would be coming out soon.  I still found that I needed to rest and took the opportunity to have small naps all weekend.  On Monday the nurse would be checking in on me and I knew that I would be getting my drain out.

When the nurse arrived on Monday, she cut my stitches surrounding my drain and carefully pulled it out.  Remembering what it was like two years ago, getting my drain out, I made sure I was drugged when she arrived.   Getting that drain out is a blessing but it is the most painful thing I have ever experienced...and I would say I have experienced some pretty crazy things! ;)  After the drain is removed, you almost feel free...like you are no longer held down.  I knew that a lot of my pain was coming from my drain so getting it out was a huge relief.  It also meant that I could shower!!!  Yay....oh the feeling of standing under a hot shower, pounding on your head, washing away all the filth...it's very therapeutic! :)

So today is another new day...showered, hair washed and feeling a bit better...small steps baby, small steps!

Thank you to everyone who sent emails, text messages, made phone calls to see how I was doing...you are all a wonderful part of my life and I feel so blessed! <3

The Beginning Of A New Journey!!

A week ago, I arrived at the Women's College Hospital at 5:30am with a stomach full of butterflies and a lump in my throat.  We arrived too early to get into the underground parking so we sat parked on the street for 1/2 hour.  Jason fell asleep while I checked facebook and got caught up on the news.  The city seems so peaceful at that hour in the morning.  Almost too peaceful!!  I was jumping at every sound I heard and was sure I was going to throw up at some point.   Finally, at 6am, the doors to the underground parking opened and we proceeded to our parking destination for the day.

Upon arrival to the 8th floor, we quickly noticed that we were the only ones there.  The reception was in darkness and all was quiet.  Well that quickly changed!  Two more patients arrived with their spouses and the nurses arrived then reception.  I was the first to be called for registration and the nurse was waiting patiently for my hospital bands to be put on.  She quickly took me into get changed and ask me questions about the surgery and give me prep drugs.  She told me I could go back out to kiss Jason goodbye and then I needed to come back into the surgery area to be prepped.  OMG!!!  This was really happening!!!  I quickly gave Jason a kiss, told him that I loved him and began to cry.  What a flood of emotion!  I was so nervous and scared that I couldn't stop sobbing...and then my pills kicked in and I became somewhat "mellow".  Time for prep!!

Two nurses came out to the surgery waiting area (a second area after I left Jason) to get me ready.  They took me to the back area and quickly started an IV.  They explained that the anesthesiologist would be in to start the nerve block, Dr. Semple and Dr. Escallon would be in to "mark" me up and then I would be taken to surgery.  All the interns and doctors came in and out and the nurse told me she was going to put something in my IV that would make me feel like I had a good glass of wine.  I told her to give me 10! LOL  The anesthesiologist positioned the ultra sound machine on my side and chest and proceeded to inject me with the nerve block.  All I remember is saying "Ouch, Ouch, Ouch....and then I woke up in recovery!

My left breast was removed, I had two bumps on my chest and a very uncomfortable drain on my left side.  I was in minimal pain because of all the drugs and found it really hard to stay awake.  Jason finally came in to see me and told me that the surgery went better then Dr. Semple originally thought.  I didn't need the cadaver skin (which was a huge accomplishment) which made the surgery only about 2.5 hours.  After meeting all the discharge criteria, I was sent home around 4pm.

Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!

I Think I Can!

My sweetest Vera stopped by tonight and gave me such a thoughtful gift!  A small little blue train with a message..."keep saying to yourself, I think I can, I think I can...and then before you know it, you'll be saying...I knew I could, I knew I could"!  It's special friends like this that make me feel like I can do anything I set my mind to!

I received the call from the surgeon's office this morning with my appointment time.  My surgery is scheduled to start at 8am and we are required to be there for 6:30am...so a very early morning for Jason and I.  I have to shower tonight with a special soap and put fresh sheets on the bed and fresh clothes on.  Then I have to repeat the process tomorrow morning and then try to pull on compression stockings....should be interesting at 4am!! 

I am feeling not too bad this evening.  Enjoying some last minute laughs with my kids and chatting with the in-laws.   I went out shopping today to pick up a few items for the next couple of days and tried to clean the house a bit.  Although my in-laws are here to help, I don't want it to be too much of a burden for them.  I think I just need to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to sit and think about things. 

So, this time tomorrow, I should be home resting and heavily drugged! LOL  I will try to post something in the next couple of days, to let you all know how I am feeling and how my recovery is going. 

Sorry this post is so short but I do have to get to bed and try to catch a few z's!  

Onward and upward...here we go!

Be positive, be strong and please pray for an easy and fast recovery!

Anxiety Is A Debilitating Thing!

As I sit here listening to the kids playing outside, I am reminded of all the reasons why I have fought so hard to get to this point.  Giggles, belly laughs and screaming are all sounds that I love to hear.  My kids and my husband are what makes me get through the tough days.  Although, they would say it's me that gets us all through.

I have been wound up so tight this past week that I feel like I am going to explode!  I am severely anxious...I can't sleep and I am scared shitless of the changes that will take place on Tuesday.  I am not really sure why I am so anxious about this surgery.  I should be thrilled, ecstatic even...but I can't help but worry about all the what ifs!   I am really focusing on the worse case scenarios and I can't seem to change my train of thought. 

I feel like I am going through separation anxiety with the removal of my left breast!  I don't know why I am feeling this way, especially since my last mammogram showed a 2mm x 1.5mm anomaly.  I figured I would be gnawing at the bit to get this breast off but I am apprehensive as to how I am going to look.  I know, I shouldn't worry about it...and, I already had this done to the right so I should be totally fine with it happening again.  But I'm not!  I guess the fear is of the unknown...what is it going to look like?  What if they can't expand me to a suitable size?  But then, what is a "suitable" size?  Why are we so fixated on the breast?  Is it just a sexual thing or is it because we associate the breast with the female body...like you only are a girl if you have boobs!  Such crazy thoughts go through your mind when dealing with these types of surgery...but I keep telling myself that they are totally normal.  I believe it's totally natural to worry about losing a body part, especially when that part makes you feel like a woman.  It's very hard to separate the mind from the heart...I know in my heart that all the decisions I have made up to this point have been the best decisions to ensure that I am around for another 40+ years....but my mind is saying..."you're not going to look right."  Funny how our mind can manipulate our feelings...crazy!

I am sure I will be posting again on Monday...might be a short one to let you all know how I am feeling going into this surgery. 

Be strong, be positive and continue to pray for me...I've got another long road ahead of me!

Been Too Long!!

"Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come.  Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome".    - Unknown

My cousin posted this to his facebook profile this morning and it really struck a cord with me.  I have been extremely anxious for the past few weeks.  I am gearing up for my "big" surgery on the 19th and I am so nervous and scared for what's to come. 

Three weeks ago I had my pre-op at Women's College Hospital.  I met with the nurse, the physio therapist and the anesthesiologist.  The nurse explain the procedure to me in full and gave me some information on prepping for the surgery as well as what to expect when I am discharged from the hospital (which will be the same day as surgery)!  Yikes!! 

So, the surgery which I am having on the 19th is a skin sparing mastectomy with nipple removal (on my left side) and expanders placed under both my left and right pectoral muscles.  Also, I will be having Alloderm (cadaveric skin) placed under my muscle (on the right side) to create a sling to accommodate the expander.  The surgery will take 4 hours and will involve my general surgeon, Dr. Jamie Escallon and my plastic surgeon, Dr. John Semple.  My surgery will be the first of the day which means I will have to be at the hospital for 6am.  Before going to the hospital, I will have to shower with a special soap to make sure that I remove all bacteria from my skin.  I will also have to wear special support hose because of the duration of the surgery.  My nurse told me that I require the support hose to help with the blood clotting in my legs during surgery.  She also told me that I will be placed in a chamber, from the waist down, which will expand and contract during the surgery to maintain proper blood circulation in my legs.

I met with the anesthesiologist and he explained that they would be putting me out with a general anesthetic and that they will also be injecting my chest with a nerve blocker.  Apparently, this is similar to the Novocain that a dentist uses.  The freezing from the nerve blocker will last approximately 10-18 hours and will slowly wear off (similar to when you get freezing at the dentist).  He told me that it will help with the pain after surgery.  Also, I will be required to "stay on top of my pain" with pain meds.

Finally, I met with the physio therapist.  What I thought was going to be a 4 week recovery quickly turned into a 10 week recovery!  I will have two drains that will stay in for approximately 3 weeks (which will limit my daily showering to sponge baths).  I will not be allowed to lift anything over 5lbs for the full 10 weeks.  I will be required to do "therapist approved" exercises starting the week after surgery.  She explained that I will be in a lot of pain for the first few days and that it should slowly decrease over time.  Not looking forward to being down and out and in pain again! BOOOOOO!!!

So, needless to say, I have been extremely anxious since this appointment!  I am also a little nervous about results from my left breast.  I had my mammogram in June and was told that the results showed a 2mm by 1mm (so very tiny) anomaly at the 12 o'clock position.   This is exactly why I wanted to have the left breast off in the first place.  I didn't want to live life worrying every time I had a mammogram or ultrasound done.  It's just not worth the anxiety and frustration, waiting for results!  I am so glad it's coming off in just over a week!

I am sure I will have lots of time to write in this blog and keep all of you up to date on my progress after surgery.  I will also continue to post pictures with a warning label at the beginning of the blog. 

Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!

cadaveric) human skin

cadaveric) human skin

cadaveric) human skiplaced on the right side to build a sling to hold the expander.  Apparently, this is quite a tedious procedure as the plastic surgeons have to connect tiny blood vessels from the Alloderm to my blood vessels.