Reflections!

I never thought that I would be the type of person to write about my life and people would actually be interested in reading about it.  It’s really funny to me...a little bumpkin from little ole’ Pictou!

I don’t even remember how I rang in 2012...I know I was with my family...probably sitting on the couch, watching a movie with Jason....or now that I think about it, maybe I was at my friend Jo’s house celebrating...strange how I can’t remember!  I will certainly remember how I rang in this year...or will I, with all this Chemo brain! LOL  I just know, that ringing in 2014 will be the biggest party of my life!!  But, let’s not get that far ahead...lots to do this year and I don’t want to rush a moment of it (well, maybe a little) :)!

As everyone knows, 2012 was certainly not my year....but there were still some awesome things that happened, inspite all the crap!  I could sit here and go crazy saying all the bad things that have happened, and why did God deal me this terrible hand, and poor me....but if you know me at all, that is not my style!  I will allow myself to play the pity card once in a while but I always try to find the silver lining in everything. 

 

2012 I made lots of plans to do things...start eating healthy, exercising daily (in fact, I joined the gym after 9 years of a hiatus), working on my marriage, making more of an effort to spend time with friends, making more of an effort to connect with family...the typical “New Year’s Resolutions”!  I started out great, eating healthy and working out...only because I had a goal....a goal to look and feel good by my summer vacation!  I planned family get-aways...going to Niagara Falls, Great Wolf Lodge, camping, etc.  Planning our family trip home to Nova Scotia, including a trip to PEI with both sets of parents was the excitement of my spring.   Then for the remainder of the summer, enjoying our pool, deck and daily jaunts to the park, play dates and just spending time together.  Funny how in a split second, our lives can come to a screaming halt and take a huge U turn!  

Although my screaming halt happened....it was probably the “halt” that I needed!  It opened my eyes to what really matters.  It forced me to take a closer look at what I really had in life....what I really wanted out of life.  I always found myself comparing my life with other people.  Looking at what they had and wanting it...whether it be nice clothes, money to go on trips, a bigger house, a husband that would help out around the house :), etc...just a lot of “material” things.   But my screaming halt made all those things so trivial!  Now all I want is to obviously get healthy, spend more time with my husband, my kids, my friends and family, live each day to its fullest...sure I still want to go on trips (which after all this Cancer shit...we are taking the biggest trip...maybe even two or three LOL)...but now I can’t seem to focus on material things at all.  Now, what makes me happy is watching my kids play, sitting with Jason and just being with each other and planning our future!  Doing family things together, spending time with friends...just having fun...not worrying about what other people are doing...living for us! 

 

People often comment on how positive I am, how much of an inspiration I am to them, or how strong I am...I am all these things because I believe this year was full of silver linings.  My silver linings include...the moment Jason found the lump...for if he didn’t...who knows where I would be at this point.  Doctors that were vigilant and rushed me into every test and took such good care of me...for if it weren’t for them...once again, I could be waiting and this terrible disease could be taking over.  For the time that I got to spend with my Mom, during my vacation and after my surgery...for without that time, I would never have realized how strong of a woman she was and how she passed that on to me.   God works in mysterious ways...my girlfriend Jo was supposed to be moving...and maybe not so good for her, but good for us, her house was delayed...and she has been the biggest help to all of us during my journey!  If she had moved, the boys wouldn’t have play dates, we would have to find someone to pick them up from the bus, just knowing that she is there at a moment’s notice to help out, is a huge pressure off both Jason and I.  See how many silver linings you can find in what some people would think is the biggest cloud in your life!

So, as we begin a new year...it’s not just about new beginnings...it’s about finding the silver lining in every moment and being happy and appreciating what you have!

I believe that by going through all this shit, I have become a better person...I know it sounds cliché, but seriously, I never realized how strong a woman I could be.  I always thought I would curl up in a ball and just die if I ever was diagnosed with cancer.  I feel like I take the time to “listen” to people now, which I always thought that I did, but now I question that.  I feel like I am more of a positive person than I ever thought I was....I just feel that I have changed so much through all this.  I wish that it didn’t take a total life upset for me to realize all this...but God has a plan...and this was his plan for me...I am just glad that I am still young and I have the rest of my life to continue to find myself and make changes that will benefit everyone I love...including myself!

I certainly hope all this makes sense and that it doesn't just sound like I am blabbering on...I am in a bit of pain today and on some serious drugs...the pain from the Neulasta shot has hit me and I am a little dopey! :)

Happy New Year Everyone!