Still feeling tired and weak from my last treatment. I have been having minor aches and pains but nothing like the last treatment. Although, the pain didn't hit me until day 10 last time so I still have a few days left before the mayhem sets in! I am planning to take some Claritin starting on Saturday to see if I can change some of the side effects from the Neulasta shot. I haven't been sleeping well because of all the steroids in my system...they make me toss and turn all night. I do have sleeping pills but I am so tired of pumping drugs into my system, I just want to be free of it all!
I am also feeling so out of touch with my body. It's really hard to explain to someone that hasn't gone through Cancer. Everyone keeps telling me...oh you look good, you'll get the weight off...don't worry! But being a woman, it's hard to get up and look at yourself in the mirror and not really know who is staring back at you. My face is full, I have little to no eyelashes, my eyebrows have to be penciled in and not to mention my stomach and back are looking like I am 7 months pregnant! I always took pride in the way that I looked. I know, I just have to get healthy and then everything else will fall into place...but this has got to be one of the worst parts of going through Cancer...the changes in your body! Especially when you don't have a lot of control over what is happening. I know, I know...health has got to be my main priority!
I started reading a bit about side effects from the medication Tamoxifen (the drug that I will need to take for 5 years because I am Estrogen+ and Progesterone+). I will be starting this drug in approximately 4 weeks and it will put me into early menopause. Then, I will finish the drug and my body will go through menopause again...on it's own natural course! Wow, menopause....twice in one life time!! Anyway, back to my reading...on the breast cancer website (which I frequent) a lot of the women that started Tamoxifen have gained any where from 30lbs to 50lbs! Good Lord...what else could happen!! Oh and not to mention, hot flashes, low libido, mood swings, bone aches and nausea. I know I will get through it, as I always do...but I really just want to get my life back...minus all the side effects! I am sharing a lot of this because I need to get it out and on paper! It makes me feel better to write, as I have told all of you before...no matter how blunt I may be! These are all true feelings that I feel could help someone going through this type of thing. As much as it sucks some days...I have a lot of good days that I am very thankful for! ...and that is where I will find my strength!
Be POSITIVE, be STRONG and PRAY!
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