So, a week has almost passed since my last entry! Not too much has happened...but I some how feel emotionally and physically drained...maybe a lot of it is due to the gloomy weather today.
I am feeling like I never really bounced back from this treatment. I am still feeling achy and my joints are feeling "big", "bloated"...I really don't know how to describe the feeling! When I walk, I feel like I am in my 90's...I guess you could say...stiff feeling! My skin feels dry, stretched and thin. My face is bloated and taunt and my rosacea is flaring up bad. I am really tired of looking sick! I have an extra 15lbs on (which is so hard for me to deal with), I have no boob, I have no eye lashes or hair....I guess it is all starting to affect me. It's hard dealing with all these changes in your body, especially when you have no control over them. I always took care of myself and my appearance. I exercised, tried to eat well...made sure my hair was done (even if it was just throwing it up in a cute pony tail). I know appearances aren't everything, but for a woman, they play a big part in how you feel about yourself. Don't get me wrong, I would never say you have to look a certain way to feel good about who you are...but having hair, eye lashes and all your body parts...sure would help! Maybe I am just feeling a little sorry for myself today....tomorrow will be better...or even this afternoon could be better! :) I always say, it's just a phase and you will get through it...it's not easy, but what are you going to do...curl up and cry all day...I don't have time to do that...life's just to short to be all depressed and emotional!
My in-laws left for home yesterday. They were here for a month and were such a great help! Having them here, really took a lot of stress off Jason...and me. You don't realize how much help you are going to need when you are faced with Cancer. A lot of people refuse the help, thinking they can do it on their own. We found out quickly, that you need to accept help from people. It's one of the things that can help you maintain your sanity when going through this and having a young family. Jason's parents did a lot of the cooking, they played with the kids and kept me company during the day. They have been such a great support for us, we don't know what we would do without them!
So, two more days and my final treatment is here! Woohoo! The doctors all told me it would be an emotional period surrounding my last treatment...especially when I am finished all treatments! Every time I talk about Friday, I cry...happy tears...I think because I can't believe it is finally here...and some sad tears because Mom isn't here to share in my joy! There is some uncertainty too...you see, there are no tests they can do to tell me that the Cancer is gone. I just have to pray that it is and get on with my life! Some people that have gone through Cancer treatments find it very difficult to move on after treatment. They tend to focus on the fact that they had Cancer and that there is a possibility that the treatments didn't work and they still have it. Festering in their body and taking hold of another part of them. I am not one of those people! I truly feel that on July 27th when Dr. Niaz took my breast and lymph nodes, he removed all traces of Cancer from my body! I believe that Chemo and Radiation are my Life Insurance Policies. I paid a hefty price for them, but it was all worth it!
Friday is going to be a good day! It is one more day that I can mark as a major milestone in my life...it is the beginning of my life back to normal! I spoke with a friend this past weekend. She is 73 and had Breast Cancer 7 years ago...she said that she never stops! She feels like she is 25 and the healthiest that she has ever been in her life! That's what I am looking forward to...feeling like I am the healthiest I have ever been...and being 25 again wouldn't be so bad! LOL She is a true survivor! Now, let's get on with Friday and get this shit over with!!!!
Be positive, be strong and pray for me!
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