Life Is So Precious!!

Jason and I sat in the hot tub tonight discussing the unfortunate events that have been happening to us and the people we love.  It sounds a bit like a downer of a conversation but it really wasn't, it was more of an enlightening experience.

We were told today about someone close to us that was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  They were given 6 months to a year to live.  Six months with no Chemo and a year with aggressive Chemo.  Both Jason and I reflected on how we would feel if we were given that news and how we would deal with it.  Would you take the 6 months and live every day to the fullest or would you take the aggressive Chemo and hopefully live a year?  That year would be miserable...you would be sick, weak and fighting for something that you know wasn't meant to be.  What a terrible decision for someone to be faced with. 

I know this sounds like a depressing blog, to be discussing death and decisions that some people have to make.  But really, it's not.  It made me think about my Mom and Dad and how much I miss them.  It made me think about their deaths and how hard it was for me.  I watched my Dad deteriorate, over a year, to 98lbs...he didn't eat, didn't drink and he couldn't talk.  It was so hard to see that but I believe God was preparing me for his death.  Because when Dad died, although it was hard, I also felt that it was a blessing because I couldn't stand seeing him suffer any longer.  Losing Mom was totally different...quick and unexpected.  I didn't get the chance to prepare myself for losing her.  I think both were really hard to deal with but I was thankful that I had the time with Dad to say goodbye.  Just wish I had more time with Mom...more time to prepare.

My parents were so loving, kind and beautiful.   They loved each other like no other...they loved us like no other.  Dad was the typical father...got up, went to work (he was self employed) and would come home and relax on the couch after dinner.  He was always helping other people and loved when friends would come over for a visit and what was supposed to be a short visit, ended up being a kitchen party full of laughter, song and drink!  Mom was a loving mother.  I remember getting ready for school in the morning and always kissing her goodbye.  When I would arrive home after school, I would run to the house to give her a kiss again.  She taught me so much...I'm not sure if she realized how much I actually learned from her.  How to bake, sew, paint, wallpaper and style hair!  But most importantly, my parents taught me how to love, care for other people, and have strength to get through whatever I am faced with.  I am honored to be their daughter!

So what started as a very deep and depressing conversation, turned into an evening of remembering all the wonderful things about my parents.  I don't really sit and think about it, but I really should take the time to reminisce about them...it makes me smile :) 

Live fully...the most important things in life cannot be seen but must be felt with the heart...be kind and generous...simplify.....have patience and compassion....be grateful for the gifts you've been given...challenge yourself....inspire someone....take the road less traveled....it's never too late!

I feel blessed, strong, proud and loved!

It's Been A While...For Good Reason!!

Sorry I haven't written anything in a long time.  We have been so busy with family things that I just didn't have the energy to sit down and write anything.  I know a lot of you have been wondering how my appointments have been going and I apologize for not updating you all sooner.

On Family Day, February 16, Jason's uncle took his life.  We are still in shock and can't even comprehend why someone, that was so loved, would do this.  When we received the call, late that Monday night, our hearts sank with grief.  We were stunned and in such disbelief that this could happen. 

Marcel was such a fun loving, caring, life of the party kind of guy!  He and his wife Leslie were kind enough to open their home to Jason and I when we first moved to Ontario.  Before venturing off on our own, we lived with the two of them and their lovely daughter Madeline and their new born son, Evan. When Jason finished school, Marcel gave him a job with his engineering company in Mississauga.  While working for Marcel, Jason was contracted to another company who eventually hired him full time.  Marcel sold the company and moved on himself.  We started to lose touch with him but always tried to include him in our lives.  He was a great guy to be around and could always put a smile on your face!!  He will be greatly missed.

We are starting to feel like we spend our days at a hospital...waiting for doctors, waiting  for test results...it is overwhelming sometimes.  I had my appointment with my new General Surgeon at Woman's College Hospital, Dr. Escallon.  He seems to be quite knowledgeable and has done many surgeries like mine.  I asked him what the procedure would be and he explained that basically he would remove all the tissue and glands from my "good" breast and send it to pathology for analysis. (just to be sure there is no Cancer present)  This is called a skin sparing mastectomy.  Once he is finished with that part of the surgery, my plastic surgeon will take over and insert the expander, to eventually accommodate an implant.  Dr. Escallon is also going to remove my nipple, as I am going to have them tattooed on, at a later date.  Now, I just have to wait for my surgery date.  The problem may be trying to coordinate with my plastic surgeon because they don't do surgery on the same days...so someone is going to have to give up their golf day!! LOL  I think I'm worth it! :)

We have also been running to the doctor for Jason, Keil and Cole.  It just seems like every second day we have an appointment.  Jason is getting tests done so that he might possibly be able to get a surgery to help relieve his heartburn.  He has had it most of his life and we are worried that there may be damage in his esophagus.  So he has been traveling between Credit Valley Hospital in Mississauga to St. Joseph's Hospital in Hamilton.  Cole had his allergy tests redone and he also had to go see his specialist at Sick Kids in Hamilton.  The lymphangioma that he was born with has come back.  He had surgery on it when he was 2 months old.  The specialist said to "watch it" and if it gets worse, he may consider doing surgery again.  ...and Keil has been having stomach issues so we have been doing tests and seeing doctors for that.  We now have a referral to a Kidney Specialist for him because an ultrasound showed spots on his kidney's and his urine test showed protein spillage.  It just never seems to end...medical issues that is!

So, my next appointment is on April 8th.  I will have my second fat transfer done and then I will be ready for the big surgery...which I am still waiting for the appointment date. (the one where someone has to give up a golf day ;) 

Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for all the lost souls.   May they find the peace, strength and love they are looking for.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Well I hope each and every one of you have spent the day with someone you love!  Jason and I spent the evening in the hot tub with a few drinks!  Nothing better than having a nice quiet evening with your honey :)

I can't even imagine my world without him!  He really helped to nurse me back to health.  He sat by me when I was at my lowest low and made sure that I was always comfortable.  He was my cheerleader when I was going through treatments and was my voice of reason when I thought I couldn't go on.  He is my best friend and I can't imagine not having him in my life.  We have been together for 26 years and love each other more now, then we ever thought possible. :)  So I hope you all have someone like Jason in your lives...someone who will be there when you need them most!

So I had my follow up appointment with Dr. Rajagopal (my Onc) and she said that I was doing wonderfully!  I thought that I would have some blood tests or something but no, it was just a check up...see how I was doing, feeling and tolerating my medication.  She looked me over, did a breast exam and sent me on my way!  I love appointments like that, although, I would have liked to have had some blood work done just to make sure that everything was the way that it should be.  So I don't see her again until November, unless something comes up in the meantime.  Like that's gonna happen :)

My next appointment (Feb 24) will be with the general surgeon at Woman's College Hospital.  He will discuss the operation to remove my "good" breast and prepare me for an implant.  Once I meet with him, my plastic surgeon will coordinate a surgery date.  I just can't believe how fast this is all happening!!  Seems like just yesterday I was going through treatment...well, maybe not yesterday...maybe more like last week ;)  It's just crazy looking back at it all! WOW...very proud and humble.

I have also had a few people asking me to post some more pictures of my progress from my last procedure.  There really isn't much to see.  My stomach is back to normal.  My breast area has changed slightly...the radiation burn is slowly going away, I am still a bit bruised and I have a little "pudge" from the fat injection.  I will take a picture this week and post it...but like I said...nothing much has changed.

I hope you are all having a fabulous weekend!!  Be positive, be strong and continue to pray...it does the soul good! :)

Lists!!

Are you one of those people who make lists?  Do you make lists for all the things you need to complete over the weekend or during the week?  I was one of those people too but then I realized that looking at that list of things to do, just added more stress to my life and made me feel overwhelmed.  Now, I only write down the important stuff (because my brain just doesn't work like it used to...combination of Chemo brain and age, I'm certain) :)  I have decided to only write down appointments, parties or other special occasions.  I avoid writing..."clean the house", "clean the garage", "mop the floors", "tidy the closets", etc...why write these things down when you know you have to do it...you know that it's not going to get done by itself!  Although, that would be nice ;)  But by putting it on a list, you are pressured to do it...because if you are like me, you can't stand a list that isn't checked off!  Crazy what we do to ourselves!!  So keep your lists to special occasions and the important things (because I know we all have to make lists) and keep the "regular" stuff off.  I realized that by doing this, I don't feel so overwhelmed and stressed, which in turn...keeps me healthy!!

Stress is such a debilitating action that we bring upon ourselves.  It's all how we deal with things and we need to learn how to control it.  Stress is a leading cause of heart disease, depression, digestive problems, sleep problems, weight problems, autoimmune problems...you get what I am saying?  Stress is a trigger for most problems in our lives and when you have too much stress these "bad things" can take over and make your body shut down.  Now don't get me wrong, it's definitely hard to manage stress in the world that we live in.  But I think if we can control or manage some of the unnecessary stress then we can learn to control the outward stress.  It's important that we take a step back from a situation and think, is there another way I can be dealing with this...and in the grand scheme of things, is it really that important to make me have a sleepless night or be depressed over?  That is where a positive attitude can play a very important role in your life.  Once again, I feel like I am rambling on but trying to get a very important point across....avoid stress and learn to cope with it so that it doesn't consume you!  There! Done! LOL

So, I had my follow up with my plastic surgeon and he is very impressed with my recovery!  He said that both donor and recipient sites look great and he feels that I will only require one more procedure before the big surgery!!  He is interested to see what the general surgeon will say on the 24th and hopes to keep this train running on track! :) 

I feel great...starting running again (everyday), sharing my mornings with Jillian Michaels, and I also started juicing every morning!  Jason and I both decided that we would try this "juicing" that everyone is talking about and see if we feel a difference.  I am feeling like I have more energy, my digestive system is loving me and my skin is looking better!  I feel full longer, which helps me control my weight and just the fact that I am getting my full serving of veggies and fruits in a day, makes me feel good!  I would recommend it to anyone!!  Studies have shown that juicing can help prevent certain types of cancer, anything I can do to prevent getting "any" type of cancer is good with me! :)

So next appointment is my 6 month check up with Dr. Rajagopal, my oncologist.  I am interested to see what she thinks of my progress.  I literally haven't seen her since August...not even a peek when I was at the hospital for tests!  I believe I will have blood work done and a full check up...looking forward to hearing those words "you are cancer free"!!! 

Be POSITIVE, continue to be STRONG and as always PRAY...because there is something bigger than all of us!!

Two Weeks Post Fat Transfer!

Well, it's almost two weeks since my first fat transfer and I feel great!  The bruising and swelling have gone down and I am able to wear my jeans again...I have lived in lounge pants for the past two weeks!  I couldn't handle having anything tight around my waist...it just hurt too much. 

I see my plastic surgeon on Wednesday for a follow up.  I am certain that he will say I am healing well and I will be in and out in 15 minutes!  Kind of shitty to drive an hour for a 15 minute appointment...but, I am very thankful for my doctors and I would drive 100 hours to see them!  It's very important that you have doctors that you love and trust!  All of my doctors, so far, have been absolutely amazing!  I am very grateful :)

So, I think I mentioned in a previous posts that Malina started to get feeling back in her mastectomy site after having her fat transfers.  Well, I am excited to say that I am starting to get some feeling back as well!!  I am getting small little nerve pulses throughout my mastectomy scar!  It feels really weird because I still get "phantom breast" sometimes and now I am getting nerve pulses.  It's very strange but very promising...just means this technique is working for me!!  Yay!!!

I have a big year ahead of me and I couldn't be happier!

Appts:
Dr. Semple (plastic surgeon) - Wednesday, Jan 22
Dr. Rajagopal (oncologist) - Tuesday, Feb 11
Dr. Escallon (general surgeon) - Monday, Feb 24
Next fat transfer - Tuesday, April 8

Dr. Escallon is my general surgeon who will be removing my good breast and working with Dr. Semple to put in the implants and expander.  I am not sure if he will be giving me a surgery time or if Dr. Semple's office will be calling with my surgery day.  All I know is that it will be some time in the summer.  Looking forward to getting it over with! :)

Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!

3 Days Post Sugery!

(**WARNING PICTURES**)

Well it's day 3 after surgery and I am feeling like I have made it around the corner.  I am feeling much better but still have some pain, swelling and discomfort.  My abdomen is quite bruised now and my chest is bruised a lovely shade of yellow!  I haven't had to take pain medication since Wednesday night.  I'm always scared that I will get addicted to the pain medication so I tend to try to fight through it and just suck it up!  Jason keeps telling me, "take a pill!  I will help you sleep better"...I swear, if I didn't know better I would think he was trying to drug me! LOL  No really, I just know he doesn't like seeing me in pain.

I've started doing my arm exercises again and I am finding that the mobility is coming back.  It's a bit odd, the feeling in my chest area.  It's kind of like I am getting feeling back or something.  Malina told me that she did get feeling back so I guess it is a possibility.  I am hoping that I won't get too much feeling back because I don't want to feel too much pain with the next procedure....crazy what you wish for on this journey! :) 

Yesterday I watched Ellen (as I always do....I just find I always have a smile on my face when I am watching her show) and there was a mother on that was diagnosed with Breast Cancer...she was a mother of 5 and only 36 and now struggling with BC!  She said something that really struck a cord with me...she said, "Cancer is not about what I have lost, but what I have gained".  It truly is just that!  I have gained so much in my life!  I have learned a lot about myself, and I know that sounds cliche but it's true.  You really learn a lot about yourself and how you can manage through an otherwise debilitating situation and come out of it stronger than you have ever been!  You look at life a little different and you appreciate the small things.  I will admit that I have, in some areas of my life, fallen back into the routine.  But for the most part, I have changed the way a do and see things.  I just wish that people would make that change on their own and not need a life altering event to happen to make the change.

Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!

First Fat Transfer Complete!

**WARNING PICTURES**  (Told you that I would put a warning on here, just in case you didn't want to see pictures but still wanted to have the update)

So, I had my first procedure done yesterday and I am now resting at home with Morphine, Oxycodone and whatever else will take the pain away!

As you all know, the weather has been absolutely terrible for the past couple of days and I was so worried that I wouldn't get to my appointment yesterday.  Between worrying about the weather and trying to avoid getting sick with the flu or cold...it made for a really stressful couple of days.  I think the fact that I didn't really know what to expect with this surgery, was stressful all in its own. 

Tuesday morning was a very chilly morning, minus 25 with the windchill of minus 41!  I knew Monday night that Tuesday was going to be unpredictable weather wise so I made sure that Jason had the truck plugged in and all our stuff was by the door.  We took Keil and Cole with us because we knew that we wouldn't be back in time to get them from school.  We started out around 7:45am and the roads were terrible.  There were accidents every where, which made for a lot of detours trying to avoid them.  We finally arrived for my 10:30am check in at 10:05am....cutting it a bit close!!  As soon as I arrived to the 8th floor, the nurse took me in to get me changed and take my vitals.  Once finished meeting with him, I went back out to the waiting room, prepared to sit and wait until my scheduled surgery time of 12:00pm.  Much to my surprise, they were moving along faster then expected.  I was called in to the surgery waiting area to meet with Dr. Semple, the Anesthesiologist and the head nurse that would be in my OR.  She looked like she was 12!!!  My goodness I am starting to feel old when meeting these doctors and nurses.  Anyway, once I met with them and I was all marked up by Dr. Semple, I sat for about 10 minutes and then it was time!!!  The Anesthesiologist came to get me and walked me to the surgery room.  I met the team that would be working on me and the sleepy drugs started to flow!

I woke up in the "first room" of recovery around 1:00pm.  I could feel the sting in my stomach (my donor site) and the slight discomfort in my chest.  There was a nurse sitting with me constantly for an hour, taking my vitals and administering pain medication.  I didn't think the pain was all that bad until the meds started wearing off.  After spending an hour in the "first room", I was moved to the final recovery area where Jason and the boys came to see me.  Once in that area, I was able to look at my incisions and see the work that Dr. Semple did.  Oh my goodness....I was already starting to bruise!!!  My stomach was swollen and bruised and my chest was swollen and raised in the area where the fat transfers took place. 

Dr. Semple came in to see me and told me that everything went very well!  I asked if he was able to take a little extra fat and he told me that I didn't have as much as I might have thought! :)  He is so nice! LOL  So, he also told me that he did a little digging in my mastectomy scar to release some of the skin that was too tight.  Because he did this, I was to expect a lot more pain and discomfort.  He felt it was necessary to do this so that I would accept the fat transfer better and have more room for the next transfer in April.  So, after being in recovery for about an hour, I was released to go home.

Once home, the pain really started to settle in and the bruising was getting worse.  It made for a very uncomfortable night!  Today, I am in even more pain and my chest is very tight and sore.  Mobility in my right arm is minimal (so I have to start doing my arm exercises again) and my stomach is quite swollen and sore. 

I will update again this week regarding pain and progress!

I didn't get any before pictures but I took pictures last night to show what things look like hours after surgery. Very swollen and bruising starting to show more.  Also, looks very red but that is just the antiseptic cleaner they put on prior to surgery.