So, further to my earlier post today, I had my appointment with Dr. Semple and my nurse Helen.
Dr. Semple examined my left breast and decided that all looked good. However, he did feel that there was some underlying bruising and that the expander did "reposition". I'm telling you, I hit the ice and snow hard!! It almost knocked the wind out of me! Dr. Semple said that if I was going to fall again, do it right away and get it over with! I felt so bad for taking up their time today but they said they would rather me come and it be nothing then to wait and there be a problem.
So while I was there, Dr. Semple examined my radiated breast (my right one) and he said that it looked good to continue filling. So Helen prepared the syringe and filled my right breast only. They didn't want to do my other one because of the discomfort I have, after the fall. Helen was able to get 50cc's in my right breast...it did "burp" some fluid again, but it took all of it!! Yay....Dolly, here I come!! LOL
Made me feel good to see the team today and be reassured that everything was looking wonderful! Dr. Semple even said he loves seeing me...I might have to ask him for a job after all this is over! LOL
So as promised...that is my update!!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for the world and all those people who are struggling everyday!
Wednesday, 21 January 2015
Close To The End!
**WARNING PICTURES**
Once again, I have taken way too long to write! First off, Happy New Year to all of you! My wish is that you all remain happy and healthy for 2015!!
So, two weeks ago I had my 7th fill! My lovely friend Miss Vera was my chauffeur for the day! We decided that we would take a little adventure downtown together!! It was perfect! My chariot picked me up around 9:45am and we made the long trek downtown. We had a nice little chat about life, family, and this process! She is such a wonderful person and I really don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful people in my life! I am so blessed!!
We arrived for my 11:00am appointment a few minutes early but didn't wait too long to be called in. Helen took me in and had a look at my progress. She said she would try to put 50cc's in each side but didn't know how well my radiated side would take. The radiated side is becoming quite hard and doesn't appear to have much stretch left in it. She managed to get 50cc's in the radiated side but when she was removing the needle, some of the fluid "burped" back out. She said that she feels this is probably my last fill. I might be able to tolerate one more but will have to see Dr. Semple so that he can decide.
So, last week on Thursday I went on an outdoor class trip with Cole's class. We went to Silver Creek conservation park. What a beautiful day...if you were dressed for the weather, which I was! Some of the other Moms, not so much. We were outside for most of the day and started the morning with a survival game. It was called animal survivor. Each of the kids was given an animal and were told where they fell on the "food chain". The parent volunteers were the "hunters". The hunters could only lose a life if they were caught by disease or an element. One of Cole's little friends, whom I know well, was disease. He was trying to catch me the entire game! At one point, the instructor was chatting with me and Michael came up behind me. Not wanting to get caught, I quickly pivoted to my left and began to run. Now this game took place in the woods with ice and snow and tree stumps all over the place. So you can only imagine what happened next. As I was running, I slipped and fell on my left side and came crashing down onto my left breast. Immediately, I got up and quickly checked if I had busted my expander. The pain was almost unbearable and I thought for sure I did some damage. Unable to leave the class trip, I had to continue the day as if nothing had happened while inside I was worrying that I seriously did something to my expander.
The next day, which was a Friday, I was extremely sore but didn't notice any bruising or change in the look of my breast. My hip and shoulder were sore, but I knew they would be better in a few days. My clinic is not open on Fridays so I knew there was no need in calling the hospital. By Monday (of this week), I felt a lot better but knew that something still wasn't right. I finally broke down and called my clinic this morning and they want to see me this afternoon. I think I may have damaged my expander. My breast seems to be a bit smaller than it was and seems to be sitting a bit lower. I am not sure if it might be leaking or if it's just my imagination. I am not sure how they will be able to tell if it's ok...but I would rather them check it now then have something wrong and leave it.
This could change everything if something is wrong!! Hopefully, all will be well and there is no damage. I will keep you all posted!
Saturday, 13 December 2014
Lots To Tell!!
I apologize for taking so long to write anything. I have been going through some emotional and stressful issues and I didn't want to write until I knew what was going on. You may want to go get a coffee because this is going to be a long one!
On November 1, I woke up with severe cramping and thought I just needed to go to the bathroom (you know what I mean). I got up and went into the bathroom and noticed that I was bleeding. I just made it to the toilet and started gushing blood. I instantly started panicking because I was told in July that I was fully through menopause (induced by Chemo and Tamoxifen). There was no chance of a period or getting pregnant. So obviously, all this blood was a real concern for me. Coincidentally, I had my year follow up with my oncologist the next day.
I didn't sleep well and was crying all night! Your mind immediately goes to a bad place after you have been diagnosed with Cancer. I guess that is a normal thing and something that I will have to get used to....I just need to make sure that it doesn't consume me or else I won't be able to enjoy life! I got ready for my appointment and made my way to the hospital. Once there, I met with my nurse Anna first to discuss the past year. She took notes and said how wonderful I look and that my reconstruction looks great! But when I started to tell her about what happened the day before, she became concerned. She excused herself from the examining room to consult with my oncologist.
Dr. Rajagopal came in to examine me and discuss what was happening. She told me to make an appointment immediately with my family doctor and have her run some blood work, do an internal and schedule an internal ultrasound. She didn't want to worry me but also wanted to rule out a few things. Luckily, my family doctor is in the building next to the hospital so after leaving the hospital, I immediately went to my family doctor's office to make an appointment.
When I arrived at my doctor's office, I told the secretary what had been happening and that Dr. Rajagopal wanted me checked sooner rather than later. The secretary went to relay the information to my doctor and they decided that they could take me right away. I was starting to worry about what they were thinking because they were all reacting with such urgency...which I am so very thankful for. Dr. Zarifa took me in to the exam room and did an internal and took some swabs. She told me that she was going to refer me to a Gynecologist who deals with cancer patients, schedule a biopsy and schedule an internal ultrasound to be done immediately. She continued to tell me that she agreed with my oncologist that this could possibly be an early sign of endometrial cancer (uterine cancer). I immediately broke down...I couldn't even imagine that these words were being told to me. Dr. Zarifa quickly comforted me by saying that this could be just my ovaries trying to kick in. (She wasn't the doctor who told me I was in menopause...it was an intern in her office). When I told her about the appointment in July, she warned me that blood work can not determine for sure if you are in menopause, especially at my age. That gave me a little bit of hope that it was my silly ovaries trying to give another kick at the bucket!
Dr. Zarifa sent me to diagnostic imaging with the requisition. They quickly rearranged appointments and scheduled me in for the following day. I went for my internal ultra sound which was extremely uncomfortable...luckily, I wasn't bleeding that day. The technician did the ultrasound and told me results would take about a week. In the meantime, I was able to see a specialist to have a biopsy done...I thought the ultra sound was uncomfortable...man, this hurt like a bugger!! Remind me to never go to an appointment like this by myself again!! I need support...there, I said it!! :) The specialist told me that the results would take a month to come back....what?...a month!! I can't wait a month to find out if my life is going to take a drastic turn again!!
A week went by and I received a call from Dr. Zarifa...the biopsy that was taken was not viable!! What the f%&k?? Are you serious? The specialist didn't get any tissue, it was all blood! She had the appointment for the gynecologist scheduled for the following week and she would do the biopsy.
I called the gynecologist's office a few days before my appointment to see if I was to take a dilation pill for the biopsy (I had to take one the night before my last biopsy). The secretary told me that I wasn't having a biopsy it was just a consultation...ugh...more delay!! When I arrived to my appointment, I was prepared for a consultation....when I was brought into the exam room...the doctor came in and told me that she was going to do the biopsy that day!! OMG....I was not ready for that!! I needed support!!! The gynecologist was very compassionate and took her time going through my life story. Asking a thousand questions and telling me what this could possibly be. Once again, a very uncomfortable procedure but it was done! The gynecologist really eased my mind and told me that she felt it was more a case of my ovaries trying to kick in (because of my age) than it would be cancer. She said the biopsy was very clean and that was a good indicator that it wouldn't be anything. She told me to call her office in two weeks for the results.
This past Thursday was the two week mark so I was full of anxiety all week....and then I received a call on Wednesday from the doctor's office....my test results from the biopsy were back and everything was normal!!! Everything looked great!!! OMG...I felt like a thousand pounds was lifted off my shoulders!!
I am just so grateful for all my doctors and the urgency they show when dealing with me! It makes me feel like if there ever was anything, they would catch it before it amounted to anything!
On another note, my expansion process is going really well. I have had two more done since my last post (it was supposed to be three but one was cancelled). The last fill made a huge difference and I will post pictures soon! They are going to slow things down a bit because my radiated side is getting tight and they want my skin to have more time to adjust between fills. That's fine by me because I am not even close to the size I want to be and I will do whatever I have to to get to that point. So because of this, my surgery will not be in the early New Year like I had hoped!
So, that is what has been going on with me and I didn't want to write anything until I knew for sure what the results would be....I didn't want family and friends worrying!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!!
On November 1, I woke up with severe cramping and thought I just needed to go to the bathroom (you know what I mean). I got up and went into the bathroom and noticed that I was bleeding. I just made it to the toilet and started gushing blood. I instantly started panicking because I was told in July that I was fully through menopause (induced by Chemo and Tamoxifen). There was no chance of a period or getting pregnant. So obviously, all this blood was a real concern for me. Coincidentally, I had my year follow up with my oncologist the next day.
I didn't sleep well and was crying all night! Your mind immediately goes to a bad place after you have been diagnosed with Cancer. I guess that is a normal thing and something that I will have to get used to....I just need to make sure that it doesn't consume me or else I won't be able to enjoy life! I got ready for my appointment and made my way to the hospital. Once there, I met with my nurse Anna first to discuss the past year. She took notes and said how wonderful I look and that my reconstruction looks great! But when I started to tell her about what happened the day before, she became concerned. She excused herself from the examining room to consult with my oncologist.
Dr. Rajagopal came in to examine me and discuss what was happening. She told me to make an appointment immediately with my family doctor and have her run some blood work, do an internal and schedule an internal ultrasound. She didn't want to worry me but also wanted to rule out a few things. Luckily, my family doctor is in the building next to the hospital so after leaving the hospital, I immediately went to my family doctor's office to make an appointment.
When I arrived at my doctor's office, I told the secretary what had been happening and that Dr. Rajagopal wanted me checked sooner rather than later. The secretary went to relay the information to my doctor and they decided that they could take me right away. I was starting to worry about what they were thinking because they were all reacting with such urgency...which I am so very thankful for. Dr. Zarifa took me in to the exam room and did an internal and took some swabs. She told me that she was going to refer me to a Gynecologist who deals with cancer patients, schedule a biopsy and schedule an internal ultrasound to be done immediately. She continued to tell me that she agreed with my oncologist that this could possibly be an early sign of endometrial cancer (uterine cancer). I immediately broke down...I couldn't even imagine that these words were being told to me. Dr. Zarifa quickly comforted me by saying that this could be just my ovaries trying to kick in. (She wasn't the doctor who told me I was in menopause...it was an intern in her office). When I told her about the appointment in July, she warned me that blood work can not determine for sure if you are in menopause, especially at my age. That gave me a little bit of hope that it was my silly ovaries trying to give another kick at the bucket!
Dr. Zarifa sent me to diagnostic imaging with the requisition. They quickly rearranged appointments and scheduled me in for the following day. I went for my internal ultra sound which was extremely uncomfortable...luckily, I wasn't bleeding that day. The technician did the ultrasound and told me results would take about a week. In the meantime, I was able to see a specialist to have a biopsy done...I thought the ultra sound was uncomfortable...man, this hurt like a bugger!! Remind me to never go to an appointment like this by myself again!! I need support...there, I said it!! :) The specialist told me that the results would take a month to come back....what?...a month!! I can't wait a month to find out if my life is going to take a drastic turn again!!
A week went by and I received a call from Dr. Zarifa...the biopsy that was taken was not viable!! What the f%&k?? Are you serious? The specialist didn't get any tissue, it was all blood! She had the appointment for the gynecologist scheduled for the following week and she would do the biopsy.
I called the gynecologist's office a few days before my appointment to see if I was to take a dilation pill for the biopsy (I had to take one the night before my last biopsy). The secretary told me that I wasn't having a biopsy it was just a consultation...ugh...more delay!! When I arrived to my appointment, I was prepared for a consultation....when I was brought into the exam room...the doctor came in and told me that she was going to do the biopsy that day!! OMG....I was not ready for that!! I needed support!!! The gynecologist was very compassionate and took her time going through my life story. Asking a thousand questions and telling me what this could possibly be. Once again, a very uncomfortable procedure but it was done! The gynecologist really eased my mind and told me that she felt it was more a case of my ovaries trying to kick in (because of my age) than it would be cancer. She said the biopsy was very clean and that was a good indicator that it wouldn't be anything. She told me to call her office in two weeks for the results.
This past Thursday was the two week mark so I was full of anxiety all week....and then I received a call on Wednesday from the doctor's office....my test results from the biopsy were back and everything was normal!!! Everything looked great!!! OMG...I felt like a thousand pounds was lifted off my shoulders!!
I am just so grateful for all my doctors and the urgency they show when dealing with me! It makes me feel like if there ever was anything, they would catch it before it amounted to anything!
On another note, my expansion process is going really well. I have had two more done since my last post (it was supposed to be three but one was cancelled). The last fill made a huge difference and I will post pictures soon! They are going to slow things down a bit because my radiated side is getting tight and they want my skin to have more time to adjust between fills. That's fine by me because I am not even close to the size I want to be and I will do whatever I have to to get to that point. So because of this, my surgery will not be in the early New Year like I had hoped!
So, that is what has been going on with me and I didn't want to write anything until I knew for sure what the results would be....I didn't want family and friends worrying!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!!
Tuesday, 28 October 2014
Fill Number 4!!
***WARNING PICTURES***
Wow, I didn't realize how many people are actually reading my blog until I started getting messages from people asking how my last fill went!
I had a fill done on October 22 and this one was a breeze! I arrived at my appointment a little early so I figured I would have plenty of time to catch up on my facebook and maybe read a magazine that I brought. Helen was running a little bit ahead of schedule so she was able to take me right away. After inspecting my results from fill number 3, she thought it would be best to only fill my left side (the non radiated side). She said that at some point during the process she would have to try to make things look a little more symmetrical. Of course, my first thought was "does she think that my radiated side won't expand much further?", but she quickly put my mind at ease when she told me that my skin is responding very, very well!! Yeehaw!!! Giddy up!!! Let's get this show on the road!!! :)
Once we decided that we would only fill one side, the intern quickly gathered up all the saline syringes and Helen began to fill. She was able to get a whopping 85cc's injected into my left side!! Can you say CLEAVAGE? LOL Not a lot but it's a start! :) I thought I was going to have a lot of discomfort after this fill, seeing as it was so much more then previous ones, but I had only minimal discomfort and it only lasted that day and night. I have three more fills until I meet with Dr. Semple again (appointment with him on my thrid fill). He will inspect my skin and we will discuss the results and if we want to continue! Of course I will....go big or go home! LOL
I had a CT scan yesterday at Credit Valley Hospital. This is the annual CT scan of my liver to make sure the spots that they found are not growing. I hate getting this CT because they inject me with a solution that makes me feel like I am pissing my pants! It's so uncomfortable...not a painful test, just uncomfortable thinking that you are going to get up from the table and be soaked with pee! Very odd I know, but thought I would share!! I have my yearly appointment with my Oncologist on Monday and hopefully all the test results will be in line with the way that I feel....wonderful! ;)
I appreciate all the phone calls, cards (thank you Miss Vera) ;) , messages and texts asking how I am doing. I am one lucky gal!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!!
Wow, I didn't realize how many people are actually reading my blog until I started getting messages from people asking how my last fill went!
I had a fill done on October 22 and this one was a breeze! I arrived at my appointment a little early so I figured I would have plenty of time to catch up on my facebook and maybe read a magazine that I brought. Helen was running a little bit ahead of schedule so she was able to take me right away. After inspecting my results from fill number 3, she thought it would be best to only fill my left side (the non radiated side). She said that at some point during the process she would have to try to make things look a little more symmetrical. Of course, my first thought was "does she think that my radiated side won't expand much further?", but she quickly put my mind at ease when she told me that my skin is responding very, very well!! Yeehaw!!! Giddy up!!! Let's get this show on the road!!! :)
Once we decided that we would only fill one side, the intern quickly gathered up all the saline syringes and Helen began to fill. She was able to get a whopping 85cc's injected into my left side!! Can you say CLEAVAGE? LOL Not a lot but it's a start! :) I thought I was going to have a lot of discomfort after this fill, seeing as it was so much more then previous ones, but I had only minimal discomfort and it only lasted that day and night. I have three more fills until I meet with Dr. Semple again (appointment with him on my thrid fill). He will inspect my skin and we will discuss the results and if we want to continue! Of course I will....go big or go home! LOL
I had a CT scan yesterday at Credit Valley Hospital. This is the annual CT scan of my liver to make sure the spots that they found are not growing. I hate getting this CT because they inject me with a solution that makes me feel like I am pissing my pants! It's so uncomfortable...not a painful test, just uncomfortable thinking that you are going to get up from the table and be soaked with pee! Very odd I know, but thought I would share!! I have my yearly appointment with my Oncologist on Monday and hopefully all the test results will be in line with the way that I feel....wonderful! ;)
I appreciate all the phone calls, cards (thank you Miss Vera) ;) , messages and texts asking how I am doing. I am one lucky gal!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray!!
Wednesday, 8 October 2014
Fill Number 3!!
I want to start this post by getting a little bit personal. I have debated on whether or not to share this but I felt that if it can help any one going through this, then I need to address it.
During this entire process, you rely on your spouse to help take care you, manage the house, raise the kids and be your biggest cheerleader. Jason has been absolutely amazing during this whole process. He has managed my meds during Chemo, made trips to the grocery store late at night when I was craving things from the steroids and just been a great support. But there is one thing that the doctors never prepare you for and that is how your spouse is going to adapt to the changes in your body. The doctors are more concerned about getting you through your treatments and disease, and rightfully so, and they never talk about the impact it will have on your relationship. I never for once, thought Jason didn't love me or didn't want to be with me. Some girls I talked to, their husbands left them when they got diagnosed...I can't even wrap my head around that one.
Breast Cancer is not only a disease that works it's way through your body, it also works it's way through your relationships. More importantly, the relationship with your spouse. Neither you nor your spouse can prepare for how this disease will change the way you look at each other. It's such an adjustment for Jason too. I feel very alone sometimes and I know that that is not his intention at all. It's just that he is uncomfortable with the way my body is changing. I, on the other hand, look at my body every morning when I get out of the shower and although there are days that I am sad, there are days when I am quite comfortable with how I look. I believe in one of my first posts I said that Jason was a boob man, I never realized how important and how sexual breasts really are for some people. ...and that's where we are struggling. It was a long hard battle getting through the Cancer together but people don't realize that the battle still goes on, long after treatment ends. It's a battle to find your new normal and to rediscover love and passion in the most important relationships. We will get through this little bump, just like we make it through everything else that's thrown our way.
I had my third fill today and I am quite sore again. I feel a tightness in my chest and find it difficult to take deep breaths. The actual fill was fine, it's the feeling after getting 45cc's on my radiated side and 50cc's on my left side. Helen feels that my radiated side is tolerating the fills quite well so she decided to do a bit more fill this time. It usually takes me a couple of days to feel like I can breath properly and feel like I can tolerate the tightness. My next fill is on October 22nd.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray...because the fight never ends.
During this entire process, you rely on your spouse to help take care you, manage the house, raise the kids and be your biggest cheerleader. Jason has been absolutely amazing during this whole process. He has managed my meds during Chemo, made trips to the grocery store late at night when I was craving things from the steroids and just been a great support. But there is one thing that the doctors never prepare you for and that is how your spouse is going to adapt to the changes in your body. The doctors are more concerned about getting you through your treatments and disease, and rightfully so, and they never talk about the impact it will have on your relationship. I never for once, thought Jason didn't love me or didn't want to be with me. Some girls I talked to, their husbands left them when they got diagnosed...I can't even wrap my head around that one.
Breast Cancer is not only a disease that works it's way through your body, it also works it's way through your relationships. More importantly, the relationship with your spouse. Neither you nor your spouse can prepare for how this disease will change the way you look at each other. It's such an adjustment for Jason too. I feel very alone sometimes and I know that that is not his intention at all. It's just that he is uncomfortable with the way my body is changing. I, on the other hand, look at my body every morning when I get out of the shower and although there are days that I am sad, there are days when I am quite comfortable with how I look. I believe in one of my first posts I said that Jason was a boob man, I never realized how important and how sexual breasts really are for some people. ...and that's where we are struggling. It was a long hard battle getting through the Cancer together but people don't realize that the battle still goes on, long after treatment ends. It's a battle to find your new normal and to rediscover love and passion in the most important relationships. We will get through this little bump, just like we make it through everything else that's thrown our way.
I had my third fill today and I am quite sore again. I feel a tightness in my chest and find it difficult to take deep breaths. The actual fill was fine, it's the feeling after getting 45cc's on my radiated side and 50cc's on my left side. Helen feels that my radiated side is tolerating the fills quite well so she decided to do a bit more fill this time. It usually takes me a couple of days to feel like I can breath properly and feel like I can tolerate the tightness. My next fill is on October 22nd.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray...because the fight never ends.
Run For The Cure 2014!!
It was a crisp morning for this years Run For The Cure!
Keil and I did the 5K walk together this year with Jason and Cole cheering us on. Keil was excited to be able to do it with me but was a little bummed that we weren't running it. He joined his Cross Country team at school, to get some running experience so that he could run it with me. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to run because of my expanders and being so "fresh" out of surgery. I am really not supposed to be doing anything strenuous for 10 weeks. Next year we will be sure to run it together...maybe even do it as a family!!
Keil and I did the 5K walk together this year with Jason and Cole cheering us on. Keil was excited to be able to do it with me but was a little bummed that we weren't running it. He joined his Cross Country team at school, to get some running experience so that he could run it with me. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to run because of my expanders and being so "fresh" out of surgery. I am really not supposed to be doing anything strenuous for 10 weeks. Next year we will be sure to run it together...maybe even do it as a family!!
Thursday, 25 September 2014
Fill Number 2!!
I'm feeling a bit down on myself today. I think all this sitting around doing nothing, is starting to get to me.
I have worked so hard over the past year to lose some weight and tone up a bit. It's difficult being on Tamoxifen because it makes it harder to lose the weight, especially around the middle! I was finally to a point where I was happy with my body and knew that if I could maintain the way I looked, I would be ok with that. Then surgery came and the weeks of not being allowed to exercise followed! It's so frustrating!!
Cancer takes such an emotional toll on your body! I can't even explain to you how I have moments of "thank God I am here, who cares what I look like" to "OMG, why can't I just be back to myself". It's an endless battle and I am tired of fighting. Deep inside, I know that I will never look the way I did before all this, but I try to hold onto some hope that I will be that skinny, two boobed girl I once was! Sometimes I hate myself for focusing so much on how I look instead of all the positives in my life. I guess everyone has their days and I can honestly say that I have way more positive ones then negative. It just sucks sometimes and I feel like I am tired of being strong! Sorry, I needed to vent!! Enough with the pity party! ;)
Yesterday, I went for my second fill with Helen. She filled my radiated side first to see how much it could tolerate...she was able to put in 35 cc's this time. The fill was a little better this time...although today I am quite sore and tight. Helen said that my skin (on the radiated side) looks good and is very soft. I have been putting Glaxol cream on it everyday, trying to keep it moisturized and supple. Dr. Semple recommended that I keep it very moisturized during this process as it will help with the stretching and healing. So, I have a tiny bit of "cleavage" now! I am excited to see the progression from flat chested to having "cleavage". I just wish the process didn't take so long...that's how I am feeling today and I know tomorrow will be totally different!!
I am still not allowed to exercise, lift anything over 10lbs or elevate my blood pressure/heart rate! I must admit, this week I did have moments that my blood pressure elevated and maybe I lifted some things that I shouldn't have. My body quickly told me to stop and take it easy...and I humbly obliged!
My next fill is October 8! I have a total of 180 cc's now!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray! Next month is Breast Cancer Awareness month! Please make a donation to help find a cure for this terrible disease!
I have worked so hard over the past year to lose some weight and tone up a bit. It's difficult being on Tamoxifen because it makes it harder to lose the weight, especially around the middle! I was finally to a point where I was happy with my body and knew that if I could maintain the way I looked, I would be ok with that. Then surgery came and the weeks of not being allowed to exercise followed! It's so frustrating!!
Cancer takes such an emotional toll on your body! I can't even explain to you how I have moments of "thank God I am here, who cares what I look like" to "OMG, why can't I just be back to myself". It's an endless battle and I am tired of fighting. Deep inside, I know that I will never look the way I did before all this, but I try to hold onto some hope that I will be that skinny, two boobed girl I once was! Sometimes I hate myself for focusing so much on how I look instead of all the positives in my life. I guess everyone has their days and I can honestly say that I have way more positive ones then negative. It just sucks sometimes and I feel like I am tired of being strong! Sorry, I needed to vent!! Enough with the pity party! ;)
Yesterday, I went for my second fill with Helen. She filled my radiated side first to see how much it could tolerate...she was able to put in 35 cc's this time. The fill was a little better this time...although today I am quite sore and tight. Helen said that my skin (on the radiated side) looks good and is very soft. I have been putting Glaxol cream on it everyday, trying to keep it moisturized and supple. Dr. Semple recommended that I keep it very moisturized during this process as it will help with the stretching and healing. So, I have a tiny bit of "cleavage" now! I am excited to see the progression from flat chested to having "cleavage". I just wish the process didn't take so long...that's how I am feeling today and I know tomorrow will be totally different!!
I am still not allowed to exercise, lift anything over 10lbs or elevate my blood pressure/heart rate! I must admit, this week I did have moments that my blood pressure elevated and maybe I lifted some things that I shouldn't have. My body quickly told me to stop and take it easy...and I humbly obliged!
My next fill is October 8! I have a total of 180 cc's now!
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray! Next month is Breast Cancer Awareness month! Please make a donation to help find a cure for this terrible disease!
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