Nasty Little Prick!

Well, what I thought was going to be an uneventful treatment, turned out to be more than I bargained for!

As you all know, I had a treatment on December 21 that included Taxotere, Herceptin and a Neulasta shot (which is given 24 hours after my treatment drip).  This was my first time with Neulasta as the Neupogen shots gave me extreme pain and discomfort that accumulated over a period of seven days and landed me in the hospital!

When I arrived at the doctors office on December 21, I knew that the Neulasta shot was finally covered by insurance (it's a $2700 shot) and that I would be able to get it this time.  Unfortunately, that was a huge deciding factor for me...the cost...as I am sure it would be for anyone!  I was excited because it would only be one shot instead of the 7 shots that I had prior.  I was told by my nurse that I could experience pain between the 7 to 10 day mark after receiving the shot.  Or I could avoid it with my meds, which included an extension on my steroids as well as a different pain medication.  I was assured that it would be much better than the Neupogen shots...well...all WAS much better until day 10!

Day 9 was New Year's Eve...I enjoyed the day with the family, feeling pretty good and feeling like my energy was up and that I had passed the corner of possible side effects.  I even stayed up past mid night and rang in the New Year with Jason and his parents.  We played board games, had munchies and just enjoyed the company.  I went to bed around 12:30 (I said I stayed up past mid-night...not much...but I made it) LOL  At 3:30am I was awaken with excruciating pain in my legs, ankles, and shoulders.  I got up and made my way to the washroom only to literally fall onto the toilet.  My legs simply gave out!  I didn't want to wake Jason because I knew he had only just come to bed and just got to sleep.  So, I slowly made my way downstairs for pain medication.  I couldn't find my meds, only Advil 400mg, so I quickly popped one and went back to bed.  I couldn't get back to sleep and lay there in pain for over an hour before I finally woke Jason and asked him to get my pain medication...the good kind!  He got my meds and I was able to fall asleep for a few hours until they wore off.  I woke around 7:30am and I thought someone had taken an ice pick and picked all my bones in my legs apart!  It felt like every single bone in my lower extremities were about to explode...I had the sweats, I couldn't stop crying and I there was nothing that I could do about it!  I was able to take two more pain meds and that seemed to help with the pain...or at least make it tolerable!  Jason said I looked very stoned!  I felt very stoned!...good drugs!  Two days later and I am feeling much better...just feels like I worked out too hard (and if any of you have seen me lately...I certainly don't look like I work out! )LOL

Now, my next treatment is on January 11th and I am wondering if I will even require the Neulasta shot!  I mean really...this is my last treatment...I don't need my white blood cell counts to be at a certain level in order to receive more treatment.  I will ask my doctors what is best and hopefully we can avoid any of these terrible shots!  Believe me, they work...they bring your WBC's up to normal levels and allow you to stay on track with your treatments, but my oh my, they are nasty little pricks with side effects that really suck! 

Hope everyone had a safe and happy New Year! :)

Be positive, be strong and please pray for me!

Reflections!

I never thought that I would be the type of person to write about my life and people would actually be interested in reading about it.  It’s really funny to me...a little bumpkin from little ole’ Pictou!

I don’t even remember how I rang in 2012...I know I was with my family...probably sitting on the couch, watching a movie with Jason....or now that I think about it, maybe I was at my friend Jo’s house celebrating...strange how I can’t remember!  I will certainly remember how I rang in this year...or will I, with all this Chemo brain! LOL  I just know, that ringing in 2014 will be the biggest party of my life!!  But, let’s not get that far ahead...lots to do this year and I don’t want to rush a moment of it (well, maybe a little) :)!

As everyone knows, 2012 was certainly not my year....but there were still some awesome things that happened, inspite all the crap!  I could sit here and go crazy saying all the bad things that have happened, and why did God deal me this terrible hand, and poor me....but if you know me at all, that is not my style!  I will allow myself to play the pity card once in a while but I always try to find the silver lining in everything. 

 

2012 I made lots of plans to do things...start eating healthy, exercising daily (in fact, I joined the gym after 9 years of a hiatus), working on my marriage, making more of an effort to spend time with friends, making more of an effort to connect with family...the typical “New Year’s Resolutions”!  I started out great, eating healthy and working out...only because I had a goal....a goal to look and feel good by my summer vacation!  I planned family get-aways...going to Niagara Falls, Great Wolf Lodge, camping, etc.  Planning our family trip home to Nova Scotia, including a trip to PEI with both sets of parents was the excitement of my spring.   Then for the remainder of the summer, enjoying our pool, deck and daily jaunts to the park, play dates and just spending time together.  Funny how in a split second, our lives can come to a screaming halt and take a huge U turn!  

Although my screaming halt happened....it was probably the “halt” that I needed!  It opened my eyes to what really matters.  It forced me to take a closer look at what I really had in life....what I really wanted out of life.  I always found myself comparing my life with other people.  Looking at what they had and wanting it...whether it be nice clothes, money to go on trips, a bigger house, a husband that would help out around the house :), etc...just a lot of “material” things.   But my screaming halt made all those things so trivial!  Now all I want is to obviously get healthy, spend more time with my husband, my kids, my friends and family, live each day to its fullest...sure I still want to go on trips (which after all this Cancer shit...we are taking the biggest trip...maybe even two or three LOL)...but now I can’t seem to focus on material things at all.  Now, what makes me happy is watching my kids play, sitting with Jason and just being with each other and planning our future!  Doing family things together, spending time with friends...just having fun...not worrying about what other people are doing...living for us! 

 

People often comment on how positive I am, how much of an inspiration I am to them, or how strong I am...I am all these things because I believe this year was full of silver linings.  My silver linings include...the moment Jason found the lump...for if he didn’t...who knows where I would be at this point.  Doctors that were vigilant and rushed me into every test and took such good care of me...for if it weren’t for them...once again, I could be waiting and this terrible disease could be taking over.  For the time that I got to spend with my Mom, during my vacation and after my surgery...for without that time, I would never have realized how strong of a woman she was and how she passed that on to me.   God works in mysterious ways...my girlfriend Jo was supposed to be moving...and maybe not so good for her, but good for us, her house was delayed...and she has been the biggest help to all of us during my journey!  If she had moved, the boys wouldn’t have play dates, we would have to find someone to pick them up from the bus, just knowing that she is there at a moment’s notice to help out, is a huge pressure off both Jason and I.  See how many silver linings you can find in what some people would think is the biggest cloud in your life!

So, as we begin a new year...it’s not just about new beginnings...it’s about finding the silver lining in every moment and being happy and appreciating what you have!

I believe that by going through all this shit, I have become a better person...I know it sounds cliché, but seriously, I never realized how strong a woman I could be.  I always thought I would curl up in a ball and just die if I ever was diagnosed with cancer.  I feel like I take the time to “listen” to people now, which I always thought that I did, but now I question that.  I feel like I am more of a positive person than I ever thought I was....I just feel that I have changed so much through all this.  I wish that it didn’t take a total life upset for me to realize all this...but God has a plan...and this was his plan for me...I am just glad that I am still young and I have the rest of my life to continue to find myself and make changes that will benefit everyone I love...including myself!

I certainly hope all this makes sense and that it doesn't just sound like I am blabbering on...I am in a bit of pain today and on some serious drugs...the pain from the Neulasta shot has hit me and I am a little dopey! :)

Happy New Year Everyone!

Merry Christmas From The Bowens!

Well we made it through the Christmas mayhem!  The kids had a blast and enjoyed all their gifts!   It made my day seeing Cole so excited over his Justin  Bieber "swag" shoes and Keil loving his new 3DS!  It's the type of joy that makes your heart smile when you are just not feeling the best!

Christmas day was a tough day for me.  As much as I loved seeing the kids so excited, my heart was hurting and missing Mom.  I was almost afraid to call home...just to dial the number and know that I wouldn't be talking to her.  Telling her everything the kids got, sharing our morning of laughs and sharing our plans for the day.  She loved Christmas so much and that has certainly rubbed off on me!  I love decorating and buying gifts, wrapping, entertaining...basically, everything to do with the season!  But this year, for obvious reasons, a lot of those things I couldn't do...just wait until next year! :) The call was made and I talked to Allan for quite a while, which ended in tears and a little bit of depression.  Just the fact that we all miss her so much and know that this was our first Christmas without her...makes it really tough!

But, my loving husband came to my side and made me feel better, as he always does!  He wrapped his warm arms around me and held me close until I stopped crying.  I think we both actually cried a little, which just shows how much we appreciate each other and our feelings.  Jason is my savior.   He doesn't read my blog, I think because he worries he might be a blubbering fool.  He is sensitive when he needs to be and very strong most other times.  I don't mind that he doesn't read it...although some days, I wish he did because I often worry that I don't tell him enough how much I appreciate all he is doing for me and our family.

So, I am 6 days post Chemo and feeling better than my last treatment.  I only had to take pain medication once over this phase and I am still continuing my steroids until Saturday.  I have a little pain today in my chest, back and legs and I am still very tried feeling and can only do a little at a time.  But, I feel 100% better than last time...I was in the hospital at this point...so it's got to be better!  Like with all treatments, I feel a little better each day and get a little more energy.  All will be ok in another week!  It just takes time! :) 

Thank you for all the cards, gifts, phone calls, and text messages over the past few days!  I love you all and we appreciate all your kinds words and hope for 2013!  I am so blessed to have you all in my life!



Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for me! xo

5 Down 1 To Go!!!!!

Well, today was a go!  My counts were good, which I knew because I was feeling so good this week!

We arrived at the hospital around 8:30am and did the routine...blood work...wait for results...see nurse and doctor...then upstairs to the Chemo pods.  When talking to the nurse and doctor they told us that they were going to leave my Chemo as is but that I was approved to receive the Neulasta (one shot instead of the seven that I had last time).  My nurse told me that I should have a little easier time with this drug and felt that a lot of the pain I was experiencing last time was from the Neupogen shots.  They also are continuing my steroids for an extra couple of days...and then slowly ween me off.  But because these drugs keep me tossing and turning all night, they also prescribed  me some sleeping pills!  Am I ever going to be high on drugs for the next little while!  Oh, they also gave me some new pain meds too!  Merry Christmas to me!!! LOL

I can't believe that I only have one treatment left!  I never thought this day would come...the excitement that I felt going to the hospital today was overwhelming!  To think that in June, I had so many mixed emotions and felt this was going to be the longest road ever.  Also, after Mom passed, I never thought I would have the strength or determination to make it though my treatment.  Well, I proved myself wrong...I am strong...and more determined than ever to get through the rest of this!  I am so proud of myself...but I couldn't have done it without the support of Jason and the kids!  They really kept me going through all this...seeing how much they love me and how much I mean to them!  It makes my heart smile! <3 :)  My friends...the true friends...have been by my side since the beginning...cheering me on...lifting me up when I needed it...and just being there for me to vent, cry and laugh with!  I couldn't have done it without you!  I watched the X-Factor last night...which I don't often watch but because Marcia and Alvin are here, they wanted to watch the finale.  When the two finalists came on and sang "The Climb", it struck a cord with me.  What a fitting song for my journey!  Have a listen to  My Journey Anthem   "The struggles I'm facing, The chances I'm taking, Sometimes might knock me down, but no, I'm not breaking"!  So true...with all that I was faced with this year...this is so fitting!  Just focusing on getting through day by day!  I remember this summer,  there was a day that I was really upset and Jason sat down next to me and said..."we are going to get through this together!  For every negative comment that comes our way, we are going to grab it, stomp on it, and consider it one step closer to beating this thing!"  He is my rock, my love...and I don't know what I would do without him!  We are climbing this mountain together!

I want to take this time to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and HEALTHY New Year!  My only wish this Christmas is that I will be better next Christmas and that I will be able to enjoy 2013 with a healthier body, mind and spirit!  That my kids and husband will continue to be healthy and that we all cherish each day that we spend together!

My pictures today are of a very happy and overwhelmed Angela...and the cold packs I have to wear during these treatments to help save my nails.  The Taxotere can make your nails...and possibly your teeth fall out.   Jason asked where the cold pack was for my mouth! LOL  Next treatment is scheduled for January 11th! 

 Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for me...I feel the love! :)

Visits From Home!

Feeling much better this week!  Still weak and tired but I can feel that with everyday I get a little bit better! 

I just can't believe that I only have two treatments left!  It seems so crazy!  To think that 6 months ago, I would be in this place, is beyond what I would have ever envisioned.  Living my life like everyone else...working, taking my kids to programs, going out with friends...now, I sit on my ass, my kids aren't in any programs and I can't go out with my friends!  Funny how life can change in an instant!  Never take for granted what you have, for it can be taken from you before you know it!

This week, like I said, has been much better than last week.  My mother's husband (I don't call him my step father because he never had to be a "father" to me) was here for the weekend (while I was in the hospital) and left for home on Monday.  The boys had such a great time with him!  We had some good talks and I think overall, it was something we all needed.  He was such a great support for us...I don't think he even realizes how much he helped out...just to be here for the boys so that Jason could be with me in the hospital, made a world of difference.  I just worry about Allan over the Christmas season.  He loved Mom so much and is so lonely without her....as we all are.  This Christmas is going to be a tough one for all of us!  We have all lost so much this year. 

My in-laws arrived on Wednesday and are here until into January.  They are scheduled to fly out on the 8th of January but since my last treatment date is scheduled for January 11, they may decide to extend their visit a few days.  They are such a big help...although my mother-in-law has a terrible cough that we are concerned she will pass to me!  We are both wearing masks and washing our hands frantically to make sure nothing gets passed to me.  Don't want to delay any treatments! 

Had an appointment on Wednesday with my Radiation Oncologist.  He went over the procedures of radiation and what to expect.  I am scheduled for January 28 to get my "tattoo" (which they refer to as mapping) and a CT scan.  They will get me ready to begin radiation on February 11 (4 weeks after I finish Chemo).  I will have 25 treatments of radiation on both my chest wall as well as under my arm pit.  He went over the risks, side effects (which are minimal compared to what I am experiencing now) and took me on a tour of the area where I will be getting the radiation everyday for 5 weeks!  Again, I can't believe I am getting ready for this next step...seems like it would take forever to get here...but now, it seems like it all passed in a blur...except for the side effects! LOL  The area where I will be going is beautiful!  Each "radiation pod" has an individual waiting area with lockers, a fireplace, lounge area and TV.  I will have my own area each time I go...nothing like style!  I think once radiation starts, I will have to enlist some of my friends to take me down and sit with me.  Each appointment should only be 1.5 to 2 hours.  I just figure that poor Jason can't take everyday off to come with me and one of the side effects is exhaustion so I may be tired to go by myself.  They say the exhaustion doesn't hit you until about week 3 so I guess I will have to rest up for the first two!  Any whooooo....that is what I have been up to this week! 

Looking forward to Christmas and 2013!!

Be strong, be positive and pray for me!

Hospital Bound!

Well, where do I begin!  It certainly has been a very eventful week...and not for the good!

I guess I will start with Wednesday night...I had a really hard time getting settled in for the night.  I was still in a lot of pain and discomfort from the Neupogen shots that I was taking daily and also the mixture of my Chemo drug Taxotere.  Both medications cause pain in the joints, major bones and muscle tissue.  So basically, I am not sure what is left to not have pain! LOL  Any who, back to trying to get settled.  I had received a prescription for Percocets on Monday because the Tylenol 3's just weren't cutting it.  So had taken my Percocet for the night, had my heating pad on my back and my legs elevated to relieve the pressure.  I was feeling really uneasy and not good at all.  Finally got to sleep and woke up around 4am with severe chest pain.  Thought it would go away with another Percocet so took one and it knocked me out until I woke at 7am with the same pain but this time it was radiating to my back and I was clammy with a slight fever. 

Jason got the boys up for school and ready to drop at the neighbors house early and I got up and called my nurse to see what I should do.  She told me to go to the ER.  So we started down to Credit Valley Hospital.  I was in so much pain and I was truly scared.  I thought I was having a heart attack!  It was the worst feeling I can even explain.  We arrived at the hospital and of course there was only one nurse working the ER desk.  After waiting what seemed a life time, she called my name and I quickly explained my situation and she told me to go sit and wait.  WHAT???  Go sit and wait...wait to have a heart attack, wait to catch a flu bug from one of the other infested people in the ER....I think not!  We did sit for a short period of time and they finally took me into a more isolated area where the tests began. 

First they did a EKG to determine whether I was in fact having a heart attack, clear!  So then, they were worried that I had a blood clot.  Apparently when you are on Chemo, the drugs thicken your blood and you are more prone to blood clots....sweet!  Did I mention how much fun all this is?  They had to access my port because they were going to be doing so many tests and rather than poke me multiple times, the port access, makes it a one time deal...or so I thought.  The nurse that accessed it the first time, didn't have a clue what she was doing.  You see, when you access my port, you are to drive the needle into the port like a dart...no pussy footing around.  Well, she proceeded to go very slow and tried to tell me that the pain I was feeling from that was because my port was "swollen".  Seriously....my port sticks out of my chest because it's supposed to!  Good God!!  Anyway, she finally got it in and started many "good" drugs which enabled me to sleep for a while.  They then ordered a chest x-ray and abdominal x-ray (to ensure no blockage).  Then I was sent for a CT of my heart.  Once in the CT area, one of the nurses told me I had the wrong port access in and it needed to be changed.  I let her change it and she knew what she was doing.  All tests came back clear so they contributed it to my system being very sensitive to this last treatment.  Apparently all the drugs and shots can cause a lot of pain in your sternum which can make you feel like you are having a heart attack.  NICE!!!  Two more "feelings" of a heart attack to endure!

They decided it was best at this point to admit me because I was still in pain, still had a fever and my blood counts were dangerously low.  It was no time at all that I had a private room in the Oncology unit.  It was a beautiful room and in a very quiet part of the hospital.  I was prepped with a cathater in my arm to administer a very stinging pain medication though needle.  I let them give me the needle 4 times and then cut them off, I couldn't take it any more.  Now please don't think that I am a wimp...at this point, I have been in so much pain I would think that I could take anything but this shot was very painful...it took away the pain quite nicely but the actual shot was to be desired!  I had numerous shots given in my abdomen...a couple with a blood thinner and my two remaining shots of Neupogen.  I slept on and off on Thursday night and was awaken early by the on call Oncologist.  He told me that my blood counts were slowly coming up but they wanted to keep me another night...and the fact that I was still having chest pains, he thought it best that I stay.  Friday night, I slept really well and was feeling well enough Saturday to be released.

So, now my next treatment is scheduled for December 21 and the doctors are going to tweek my treatment and my pain medications.  Hopefully with those changes and possibly switching from 7 Neupogen shots to 1 Neulasta shot, will make a difference.  Whatever happens, it will be one more down and one more to go!  Yay for me!!!  I am almost there!!!  Yes, it has been a VERY tough road and it's not over but I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel!  I am feeling very excited to see what 2013 has in store for me!

I have a couple of pictures of my venture in the hospital and will post them when Jason get's home (they are on his phone).  He wanted to take pictures of me in the ER but I was in no mood! :)

Anyway...you know the saying...be strong, be positive and please, please, please continue to pray for me!

Oh The Pain!

Had my 4th treatment on Friday and made it through ok.  Started my Neupogen injections yesterday and I am in so much pain I don't know what to do with myself.  My hips, lower back, knees and ankles are killing me.  I can take Advil and Tylenol 3 for the pain so started with the Advil because Tylenol 3 tends to constipate people...which is a lovely side effect of Chemo to begin with.   I have a heating pad on my lower back and my feet elevated to try to alleviate some of the pain and discomfort.  I can't even begin to tell you how uncomfortable I am right now.  The doctors warned me that this treatment would be more pain then nausea, which is so true.  I kind of think I would rather the nausea...at least it only lasted a few days.  I am so worried this pain is going to last for the full 7 days of injections and to top it all off, the nurses are only coming in one more day to show me how to give myself the injection!  It just keeps getting better and better!!  Ugh!

On a high note...#4 is complete and only two left.  I am always trying to stay so positive and look at the brighter side of things but it's a little hard with the pain.  I can't even imagine how some people deal with chronic pain...it must be so debilitating.

I started my Herceptin this treatment (because of being HER2+) and am scheduled for a heart scan tomorrow.  Herceptin is the drug that I will be taking for a year from now, every three weeks for 30 minute infusions.  The Herceptin can have a very serious side effect.  It can damage the heart and its ability to pump blood effectively.   The damage can be mild and result in either no symptoms or signs of mild heart failure, like shortness of breath. Less commonly, the heart damage is bad enough that people experience life-threatening congestive heart failure or a stroke.  Because of these possible side effects, the doctors will do a heart scan every three months to monitor my hearts ability to pump blood efficiently.  If they see any cause for concern they will stop the Herceptin and introduce heart strengthening drugs to help repair any damage. My last heart scan in September showed very good results with my heart pumping at a rate of 65% which is normal.

So, number 4 down and two to go...I am starting to feel like I am truly making it through all this...but only with the love and support from friends and family!  Couldn't do it without you!!

Be strong, be positive and continue to pray for me...especially that this pain will go away!