Unsightly!

So, the nurse was here two days ago and removed my bandages.  I didn't write about it because I wasn't really sure how I felt about it.  I asked her to cover over the wound again with bandages because I didn't want to have to look at it.  Today with the heat and my sweating, the bandage is falling off and I can't help but look at the unsightly cut I have across my chest.  It's so ugly and unimaginable!

When the nurse looked at it, she said it looked really good and I had a really good surgeon.  He made a really straight line and the staples look so good and uniform.  She said it will help with the reconstruction later.  How can something so ugly look so good?  I guess it just means that I wasn't butchered!  So, in the grand scheme, I guess straight lines and uniform staples mean good things.

Will I ever get used to looking at it?  Will I ever get used to the numbness that I feel in my arm and chest?  I know that over time, these things will seem so small and trivial but right now, they mean a lot to me.  One week ago today my physical being changed forever.  My chest was cut open and I am left with a long line that is ugly.  Ugly...NO!  It is a symbol that shows strength, courage, fight...all the qualities that I now have.

When I was taken into the operating room last Friday I was scared, weak, and unsure of what my life would be like.  Well, now I see what my life will be like!  I am still scared but ready to fight the biggest fight of my life.  Fight this beast that is Cancer and live for my children, my husband, my family and for me!!