I had a big day yesterday and an emotional one too! I woke up and had my first day of real emotion that I just couldn't control. I would just start crying for no reason. I was fine for the afternoon but as we got close to taking Mom to the airport, I would feel my eyes tear up.
The nurses came and took out my first drain. It was the most painful/uncomfortable feeling ever! Then when I actually saw what they took out of me, I almost threw up! It was about 6-8" long and was about 1" wide. It was actually a relief to get it out. Kind of felt like child birth when you feel the pain and then the shoulders finally pass and the rest just slides out. Well, that's what it felt like...well not as bad a child birth but pretty close to it!
You would think that after all I have been through so far, pain of any kind would be just numbness to me. But I am a wimp...I do not lie! Pain is not my friend at all....I just don't tolerate it well. That's what I told the nurse, "you would think that compared to having my chest cut open, having the drain out would be simple...but no, I have to cry!" I am such a baby! Even when she was cutting the suture, I freaked. The skin was starting to grow over it so there was a lot of pinching and pulling to get it cut out. Tuesday I get my other drain out and half of my staples....that should be an interesting day! Pain meds please!!
So Mom flew out last night...and if you live close to me you know that we had a wicked storm that just came out of no where! Poor Mom! She is a basket of nerves anyway when she flies and then to throw a storm on top of it...and flying alone...I am sure she smoked a carton of cigarettes when she landed in Moncton! She won't be coming back this way anytime soon...unless Alan drives her here! She hates to fly...period! I will wait until later to call her...give her time to adjust to finally getting home after a long night!
Today, not sure what we have planned. Jason has been trying to get me out for obvious reasons...cabin fever is starting to set in! He wanted to take me to Chapters the other night to return a book that I was given (I got a kobo reader so wanted a gift card to buy my next books). Well, we laughed that hard! We took about an hour trying to make it not look like I wasn't trying to smuggle something! You see, the drains are quite large under my shirt and it seriously looks like I am trying to steal something. It was 30+ outside and he was trying to get me to wear another t-shirt or a jacket or a baggy sweat shirt! It was quite an ordeal for 5 minutes in the store! But we laughed and that has always been said to be the best medicine!
I am feeling good today...a little bit of discomfort with bandages pulling but overall, I feel good. We should go to church today but don't know if I can bring myself to go. Not because I don't want to but because I don't want to knock anyone over with my scent! LOL This "bird bath" faze is getting old! So, if I do go to church, I apologize now for possibly turning you off your lunch later today! :) Just kidding...I'm sure it's not that bad! ;)
Anyway, I feel like I could write forever today but I am sure you all have more important things to do than read about my day!
Be positive, stay strong and pray for me! :)
Hi Angela - I've been thinking about you and I finally got a chance to sit down and read your posts. Being positive - THAT, my friend, is the best medicine. The flesh is just the flesh - it doesn't define you as a person, or a woman. You have a wonderful heart, and that's all that counts. Your journey and your courage are inspiring to me. I'd love to talk with you, hear about everything in person. If you feel up to it, at some point, let me know. If you need anything, let me know. All my best to you, Jason and the boys. Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteTaria
I am so very proud of your honesty,and that you admit your scared, but willing to fight. I get what saying about what your breasts mean to you. You nurtured your children, they filled out that sexy dress for a dinner out...but they don't define you. You define you...your an awesome mom, your married to your high-school sweetheart, still madly in love and have two awesome boys!!! My aunt told me that hardest part of this whole journey, was getting use to seeing your body with a missing piece...but she knew it wasn't what made her, who she was, that it was just a breast that had passed it's "Best Before Date" You will kick this in the ass as any McKeil would do, and you have a large group of friends and family praying like crazy for you. I wish we were closer, so I could come help out...if anything I can be your sounding board...Love Ya Ang!!!!
ReplyDeleteKeep the blogs coming!