I can not believe, when I look at pictures from last Christmas, how much I have changed! I have been looking back again, on pictures that were taken this time last year and I can't even believe that it is me in the photos! I look so different...I felt so different! It seems like so long ago yet sometimes, it feels like only a couple of months have passed. I am so excited to say that it's almost a year since my last Chemo treatment. Who would have thought that I would be sitting here, admiring my Christmas lights, emailing friends, watching Christmas movies with my kids, playing in the snow, making cookies, Christmas shopping and feeling the best I have ever felt! It almost seems like a nightmare and not reality at all. But then, I look down and I see the part of me that has been missing for so long. The part of me that makes me feel like a woman...the part of me that makes me feel comfortable and confident in my clothes. It's then that I realize that I did live the nightmare but I survived!
This week was a busy week for me. I had two pre-op appointments, one with my family doctor and one with my plastic surgeon. Both were fairly short appointments but each a little different. My family doctor had to fill out some forms and ask me about my family history. It made for an emotional day because when speaking about my mother and father, I couldn't help realize that they are actually both gone and that I have been through all this without them being "physically" here. I guess it's hard not to think about it when my family doctor's intern is giving me the "you poor thing" talk. Telling me that "it is so sad what you have been through" and asking me "how did you get through it". Sometimes I wonder if I should make up this elaborate story just to shut them up. Especially when I had to take Cole with me (he was home sick with a sore throat that day) and she just kept going on and on. When someone's eyes start welling up with tears, don't you think it's time to shut your mouth and just get on with the exam? Some doctors have no idea.
My appointment with my plastic surgeons office was quick but not painless. I had blood work done, which I am used to being pricked now and then the nurse proceeded to tell me about "what to expect on the day of surgery". Oh my goodness, I think I would have rather that she didn't say anything and told me to just come the day of surgery and make sure I had a driver....and leave it at that. She explained the typical stuff, only clear fluids 4 hours prior to surgery, no solid foods for 24 hours prior and wear loose clothing...etc. Then she went on to tell me that it was a very painful surgery and that my donor site would be extremely sore because it is such and invasive surgery...but that they would send me home with "good" drugs! Ugh...is this all going to be worth it? I am so used to feeling good that I am not looking forward to being down and out again. She said that these next two procedures would take about a week of healing. I guess when I look back on the past year....a week of healing is not so bad. I am just not looking forward to the pain...I hate pain :(
So, now I get to enjoy Christmas with my family and friends and try to mentally prepare myself for what the New Year has in store for me! Kind of exciting but a little scary too! I will be posting pictures of my procedures so if you are not interested in seeing the actual process, please don't read my blog. Remember, this was a blog for me...and my close family and friends that needed to know how I was doing. It is a venue for me to vent, be brutally honest and to help people understand what life is like, living with Breast Cancer. I will try to put a caption at the top of each post to warn people of possible pictures.
Be positive, be strong and continue to pray for all those people dealing with this terrible disease.
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