What is our purpose?

Do you ever wonder what your purpose in life is?  Do you ever think that you will never find what it might be? 

I just watched an inspiring story on W5.  It was about Spencer West and his drive to use his disability to help raise money to help support sustainable water initiatives in Kenya.  What a dynamic personality!  He lost both his legs when he was 5 and lived his life adjusting to his environment and to the stares from people that didn't understand his plight.  He climbed Mount Kilimanjero, with his two friends, dealing with the elements, with the changes in altitude...fighting breathing issues....yet, it was his friends that got sick from the climb and it was Spencer that coached them on.  When they reached the summit, they collapsed with complete exhaustion but with such pride and joy!  It was so inspiring!

What are we all doing with our lives?  I know I feel at times like I am just living each day like a robot...getting up and having my coffee...getting the kids up and ready for school, cleaning my house, making supper, doing home work, lazing in front of the TV then collapsing in bed....just to wake and do it all over again.  I just feel that after facing the challenges that I did this past year, I should have this life altering ah ha moment!  The last 9 months have been such a blur for me.  Both Jason and I feel that we were just going through the motions...almost like traveling though a fog.  Dealing with what doctors had to say to us, dealing with the side effects...just dealing with things!  But now, I am wondering why I haven't made more of an effort to make crucial changes to my life.  I know it's hard to make changes, but I am almost disappointed with myself for falling back into the same routine that I had prior to my diagnosis.

What was I put on this earth to do?  Was I put here to only be a good wife, loving mother and devoted friend or was I meant to do something more?  There are so many things that I would love to do but I don't feel that I could even attempt them.  I just feel that I should be doing more in the world...more with my life...this precious life that God has given me!  What if God was to take me in the next 5 years...would I be happy with all that I have done...would I have any regrets?  I think I would...I think we all would!  I don't want to leave this world without changing some things, without doing some things and without finding what I was put here for...I know, such a deep question!  Will we ever truly know what God had planned for us, why He gave us life...why He can take it away in an instance.

During my journey, so many people sent me messages using words to describe me...courageous,  inspirational, graceful, strong, amazing...  I wish I could inspire myself...I wish I was strong enough to challenge myself more...I wish I could be happy with what I have and not want more....but I do want more!  More time to find out my purpose, more love to share, more strength to give, more wisdom to pass on to my kids. 

Things I learned this past year...true friends and family will be there for you no matter what.   You CAN be strong when faced with what you thought would be the end of you.  If your feeling down and out...tomorrow is a new day.  There are people dealing with bigger problems then you...And the most important thing I learned this year...that I love my life and I am not any where near leaving!

I know this blog is a little deep and might be confusing, but I know what I am trying to say in my head...just sometimes it's hard to get out in words!